Post # 1
Out of the 3 years we dated, last one was a LTR. We took a week-long vacation together, had arguments that led to sharing with each other what we don’t like about the other person. He listed a lot of things he didn’t like about me, I was tired just listening to the long list. I said if we are not headed to marriage we should end this because I want to finish having children before the age of 40. This is the first time I said this, now I know I should have had a timeline much earlier. I cried a lot during this conversation because I realized we were headed to a breakup. Over the week, I wanted to know his real feelings about me and said the following to probe him:
– Am I the woman who you want to share your life with? He thought about it for about 3 minutes and finally said I don’t know. I was so sad. Few days later when I told him the relationship has reached to an end (see below for details), he tried to pedal backwards on this saying I misunderstood him and that much more thought, i.e. relocation, jobs, etc is needed to answer this important question. In addition, we needed to learn more about each other.
– The answer to whether I am the woman you want to have a family with is no but you just don’t want to admit it. He didn’t deny this.
– My gut feeling tells me you don’t like me that much but having a kinda ok girlfriend is better than having no girlfriend so you continue to be with me. He did not deny nor confirm.
– You don’t want me, you want a different person and are trying to make me become that person. He didn’t deny this.
He said there is no need to deny or confirm anything until we discuss all the details about whether this relationship will lead to a future together.
And finally, the straw that broke the camel’s back was this text he sent:
– I keep questioning myself if this is based on love. It seems like your request is a biological necessity and that any person would be good for having kids. It is a thought that keeps bothering me.
By now we have both returned to our respective cities. After reading this text I texted him back saying the relationship has ended. That was yesterday at 5pm, he did not call me but proceeded to say I want to be with you, I want to have a family with you, you know I always wanted that, etc. I was so offended by the last message I didn’t want to have anything with him anymore.
Other than arguments here and there, the relationship has been mostly good, although I was quite surprised by some of the things he said he did not like about me. I know when we talk later today, he will continue trying to salvage it. I feel he doesn’t like me enough but doesn’t want to break up, and I know that’s not good for me. Wondering what other bees think.
P.s. I have learned a lot from this forum. Thank you bees for sharing you experiences and advice.
(not sure why the first post disappeared, posting again)
Post # 2
It sounds like it’s already over, with good reason. Sorry, bee. There is someone out there who will want and love you for you.
Post # 3
He is back pedaling now because you are ending the relationship. You are not his Ms. Right you are his Ms. Right now.
You are good enough to be the girlfriend, but in truth he is just staying with you until something better comes along.
Cut your losses and move on.
Anytime someone makes a list of the things they dont like about you and its so long that it tires you out, its over. Seems like he doesnt even like you that much. You are a placeholder.
Do not be a placeholder. Move on and put your time and energy into a better relationship than this one.
Post # 4
Move on — yesterday. I wouldn’t be with someone that had a laundry list of things he didn’t like about me and felt compelled to share them. Uhhhh…
Post # 5
Sounds like you’re answering your own questions, so all I can offer are hugs and sympathy. I do admire you for standing up and speaking your mind about what you want. Too many young ladies (and old, for that matter!) still bury that under the rug, thinking they’re playing it cool.
All endings stink. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s that everything happens for a reason. Cliche, I know, but believe me it’s true. Something better is around the corner. Free yourself up for it!
Post # 6
You clearly want different things, move on. He’s not worth it.
Post # 7
He learned you’re no fool. Good riddance!
Post # 8
It’s over. And the sooner you can block his number and move on, the sooner you’ll meet your Mr Right who does want to share his life with you and doesn’t make lists about all the things he doesn’t like about you. I mean, really, who would want to be with someone like that?
Post # 9
I am sorry, Bee.
You are a smart, perceptive woman and you know what everyone is going to tell you. You’re just a convenient source of sex for this guy. It is so messed up of him to backpeddle and lead you on. You need to move on. Stop talking to him.
Best of luck!
Post # 10
I wouldn’t even take his call, its done. No going back, after 3 years if he doesn’t know if you are the one then you are not the one. That is plenty of time to know, I mean even if there are things that he dislike about you so what because thats normal and you dont have to like everything your partner does/doesn’t do but you should know if those are things that you can look past in order to build a life together.
Do NOT let him string you along anymore, find someone who wants to be with you and loves all of you. HE IS NOT IT.
Post # 11
Huge hug bee!
I know you’re hurting right now but I’m proud of you for breaking things off. It was the right thing. He was attempting to string you along and you didn’t fall for it.
Whenever you get down and feel like calling him I want you to remember these words you wrote: The answer to whether I am the woman you want to have a family with is no but you just don’t want to admit it.
My gut feeling tells me you don’t like me that much but having a kinda ok girlfriend is better than having no girlfriend so you continue to be with me
I mean……Damn! Seriously??? MoFo is giving the textbook definition of “keeping my options open”. I shall quote Chrissy today and just call him a PAB (okay its just too foul to spell out!)
Ummm Sassy? I think you need to add this to the Book of Lame Ass Excuses……”I keep questioning myself if this is based on love. It seems like your request is a biological necessity and that any person would be good for having kids. It is a thought that keeps bothering me.”
You may need to translate as only PAB’s will understand.
Bee you must excuse my ROTHFLOL cause this mofo thought he was laying some deep shit on you with that last text!
Please, PLEASE reconsider talking to him ever again!
Post # 13
Damn, bee. You stood up for yourself and did the right thing by ending things.
I cant even handle the text he sent you. Basically trying to blame everything on you and trivialize your entire relationship into you just potentially using him as a sperm donor when you’ve been together for 3 years and have a fucking right to know where your future was headed. So shame on you for standing up for what you want LOL
Good riddance, loser!
Post # 14
Thank you bees for your support. I know people sometimes say things they don’t mean when they are upset, sad or whatever. I explicitly told him that was direspectful and that I would not allow anybody to say that to me, he did not acknowledge it, nor did he apologize. All he did was to continue to pedal back on the “I dont know” answer repeating that when he said “I dont know”, what he REALLY meant was that we needed to look into the logistics, relocation, jobs, etc. and of course to get to know each other better because he needed to take into account EVERYTHING to answer that question. Quoting him, “we are not children who need to answer yes/no”. Seriously.
Post # 15
People do say things when they are upset… but people do not generally keep a list of things they do not like about their partner , ready to reel off at a moment’s notice!! He sounds like he has something seriously wrong with him! I would leave!