(Closed) I am a bad houseguest host! Vent

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I wouldn’t get too worried about this now.  It was a party, you’re husband had some drinks  You said that some of the people aren’t close to you and your husband.  I may be reading the situation wrong, but I took this as one of those things that people say they would do but you never really get around to it. You know? You haven’t moved yet, and people will only travel if they really really want to. It’s easy to get caught up at a going away party, make vague statements of visits.  Most probably won’t happen. It doesn’t sounds like any actual plans were made.

When the times comes, and someone asks to visit you can make a decision then. 

Post # 3
200 posts
Helper bee

That was a really long post but it sounds like:

A) Your husband needs to learn to drink without making proclamations.

B) You can easily just make excuses “Oh sorry, big project coming up, I am FAR too swamped to have guests this week.” For basically all of time. 

Post # 5
47175 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Don’t waste any energy worrying about this now. Wait until they actually contact you, then be unable to host them that particular week. Don’t make an excuse like “too busy with work” or they will have a  comeback “We’ll stay out of the way at the pool/beach”.

Post # 6
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would kill my husband if he did this. 

Post # 7
1921 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

bzbride2277:  I agree with PP, wait until they actually request to come visit. “oh, I am so sorry, we have a full house that week.”…. I wouldn’t use work, as PP stated, and do not state you will be out of town. Some might take that as an open door to request to use your house while you are out.

Post # 8
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Don’t stress about it now. When my fiance and I moved we had tons of people say they wanted to come visit and everything so we looked into 2 bedroom apartments. The office manager told us to wait and see if people actually come visit before making the decision on a 2 bedroom because most of the time people don’t actually come. SO TRUE, we haven’t had anyone come stay with us even though we had so many of our friends say they were going to. I bet you will have maybe one person of that group ask you if they can stay with you, but most likely they won’t.  

Post # 9
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Ohhh.  Are they closer to you or your husband?  I mean, you could call them up and say that you aren’t settled and it would not be a great time for guests. Especially given your job, you can’t entertain or really have people running around your house when you are making business calls. Or you suck it up and do better in the future.  

I agree with you, I would never act that way.  This behavior, using you for your house is rude.  And it sounds like you and your husband need to work out some kind of an agreement for house guests.  I get that moving away is hard and wanting to hold onto friendship, and he’s right, people are most likely going to travel with their children, but things change and he’s going to need to understand that.  But he really needs to meet you at least halfway on this.  

Post # 10
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - San Clemente Church, Italy

Welcome to sunny Florida! Every person that you know ,meet, sort of know or who knows someone you know will be trying to come stay with you. They want the Florida experience without paying for the tourist experience. I allow close family members and my 2 best friends from out of state to come visit. They can stay for up to 7 days. (Obviously, if they were sick or had an issue, we wouldn’t hesitate to house them). But we’re newlyweds and value our grown and sexy time.

I don’t host strays, if a friend wants to bring her crew, then Florida is full of hotels….use them! I’m at an age where people’s children are grown and they don’t tag along anyway. But when my nephew was little and my sister would bring him and he behaved like a little MONSTER (seriously injuring my elderly dog, breaking expensive things and being a disrespectful brat, for example., I told her back then she needed to visit me alone. Thank God, the boy is grown now and he’s welcome anytime.

Just put your foot down, you aren’t obligated to host anyone, let alone people you don’t know, with children who make you uncomfortable in your own home! Good luck, Bee.

Post # 11
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Why didn’t you say something right then?

“as you can see Darling Husband is a little excited, we can talk about plans to visit once we get settled”

“once we get settled we can talk about plans to visit us”

“I woulddn’t want you to cancel your hotel plans just yet, we would like to get settled before we commit to hard dates”


Or you can still bring this up before the damage is done…

“I’ve been thinking about the discussion we all had last night about you guys coming to visit, I would prefer you not cancel your hotel plans while you are down here, we will be working during the week and it would probably put a damper on your time here if you had to be quiet at our home during the week. We are excited to see you all when you come down here, however Darling Husband misspoke and we cannot accomedate that many people during the week while I am working.” 

“I’m sorry, but last night Darling Husband was so excited in the moment that he didn’t consider I would be working from home while you are in town. While we are excited to host all of our friends, the reality of having a full house while I’m working just hit us, and unfortunately we will have to recind our offer to stay with us. We can’t wait to see you all when you are down here and would love to meet up when we are not working.”

Post # 12
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

i cant even tell you how many times my girlfriends and i had too much wine and planned out “girls getaways” to Vegas, Napa Valley, Key West, etc… and none of them happened. I wouldnt worry too much right now about these plans that were made while your husband had a few too many 🙂 People with kids may realize that the quick little get away they planned turns into a very expensive, very busy vacation and they may cancel, or something else may come up. 

Post # 14
5897 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

bzbride2277:  I think you need to level with people before they book their plane tickets.  Your husband is putting you in an unreasonable position.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE having house guests…but usually it’s just 2-3 people!  I would certainly NOT be willing to host an 11 person group who sounds like they are pretty much just trying to freeload based on your location.

If people start communicating with you to actually book their trips (I assume they would call you to clear the time before booking, right?) I would tell them “we’d love to have you for the weekend, but I work from home so we aren’t able to host durring the week.”  That’s very reasonable.

Post # 15
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

Wow, I can’t believe this couple who wants to bring people you’ve never met! This isn’t a vacation home you’re renting out to them, it’s where you LIVE. Maybe they don’t understand how small your home is, or that you would be working from home while they’re there. If they had all the details, they might not be so eager to stay with you.

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