(Closed) I am a bad houseguest host! Vent

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

Your husband opened his big mouth without realizing that working from HOME  = working NOT AT HOME. You would not invite randos to your office to come and go as they please and hang out all day. Neither would he!  He needs to sack up and call these people to say “oops, spoke too soon without realizing the reality of our new lives.  Please go with your original plan and stay in a hotel.”  I’M SO ANNOYED FOR YOU THAT I HAVE TO SHOUT.

Post # 19
Member
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Waldorf Astoria, Orlando

lawandbeauty53:  Couldn’t agree with you more!!!!!

 

FH and I live in Vilano Beach, Florida (Small town right on the beach inbetween Saint Augustine and Ponte Vedra, Closer to St. Augustine.. Anyway)… As soon as we came down here people I have never even met in real life (like super extended family) started calling me and asking how I was doing.

Before living here we lived in NYC, we were both starting up our careers, paying student loans, etc. We had a tiny (SHOEBOX) apartment, no car and no disposable income. Haha… NO one cared.

Suddenly we’re both very well off in our careers, debt free and living in a beautiful condo with a intracoastal boat slip, a boat  and nice cars.

My phone doesn’t stop ringing. I get congratulated for finishing up my career path, opening my own practice, getting engaged, blah blah blah. And hey, don’t you live near Walt Disney World? I heard you had annual passes… Do you get discounts for guests? Aren’t you on the beach? Do you have a pool? We heard you have four bedrooms! That must be a lot of space for two people. How many baths? Oh wow, four and a half you say? You could practically run a bed and breakfast…

Some then break off into hints about wanting to see Florida and go to Disney World (we’re 1 and a half hours away) and others blantantly ask. I’ve said maybe to a few, yes to my sister and my brother (and their children), welcomed my mother, and allowed his sister to stay for a week.

 

Otherwise I hate people in my house. It’s nerve wrecking for me because I have a lot of expensive things and zero trust for anyone outside of our families (I’ve been robbed at gunpoint when I worked in retail and had to fire some of my best employees for theft. NO TRUST.).. I also turn into my mother instantly and start worrying about the cleaniness of my home. I always feel uneasy and constantly clean. It’s just not a comfortable thing for me. So I avoid it.

 

Anyway, welcome to Florida.. Living here means people will suddenly come out of the woodwork and beg for a place to sleep in your home. They’ll press and squeeze the life out of you if you let them. You have to be really stern with your feelings and your choices. It’s your life- Not theirs. If they want to enjoy your lifestyle, they need to put in the work to acquire it. Either at a resort or by moving themselves. You’re a human being who wants to enjoy the benefit of living here, too. You deserve privacy.

 

I’d make contact with these people directly… Or have my Darling Husband do it. I’d tell them that you just don’t have the time or space to dedicate to them and that they should make arrangements elsewhere. They should not have cancelled their hotel or invited other people to stay in your home and I would tell them that. You’re not comfortable housing people you’ve never met. That’s really not an unreasonable thing to say. If they don’t like it, tough. What are they going to do? Nothing. They can hate you, but honestly, who cares? They were inconsiderate and you live far away from them now.

 

I’d also talk to your husband. I understand he was excited about his new life and was being friendly, but he needs to not invite people in your home without discussing it with you.

 

Welcome to Florida!!!!! It’s so beautiful and fun here, everyone is trying to steal a little bit of it’s sunshine!

Post # 20
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

 

bzbride2277:  I work from home so I totally get it. I do think, however, that most of the people who said that they plan to come won’t actually do it.  However, the people who bought tickets already need to be steered to stay somewhere else. 

Post # 21
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

bzbride2277:  Have your husband call these people and let them know that they should not cancel their hotel as you are unable to host them at this time. If they already cancelled the hotel, let them know they will have to rebook and he hopes that they will able to meet up for dinner (not at the house) while they are in town. If they get mad, the bright side is that you know they won’t be asking to stay with you again. 😀  Seriously though, tell them that you can’t host during their visit. 

Post # 22
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

bzbride2277:  Wow, that’s just awful. Yes, I agree with PPs that something needs to be said to those people along the lines of, “Actually… don’t cancel your hotel room just yet.”

Post # 23
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - San Clemente Church, Italy

bzbride2277:  Wow, that’s a great way to get out of it now that I think about it. Tell them you don’t let kids around your dog. Safety First!….lol

Post # 24
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - San Clemente Church, Italy

marynicole:  Girl, Yassssssssssssssssss. It’s the ONLY downside to living in this paradise!

Post # 25
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - San Clemente Church, Italy

marynicole:  I can’t really even talk. My sister was living the life here, waterfront property on Tampa Bay, the sunshine, etc. I was grinding my ass off in a DC law firm and I would come visit her every chance I got!

One day I literally walked out of my corner office (people actually care about that stuff in DC) and decided, “Screw it, I’m moving to FL”….left within 3 weeks! Best decision I ever made!

Post # 26
Member
9623 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

just wanted to say

1. PPs are right–don’t worry about it, it’ll probably all go away and you can easily make excuses (swamped with work one is a good one).

2. Def need to talk to hubby to make sure he understands that houseguests are a disproportionate burden on YOU, since you work from home so he needs to run sh*t like that by you.

3. I totally, 100%, would be exactly as upset as you are right now.  Like, obviously the answers are as stated above, but in the situation I’d be livid and stressed etc… *hugs* 

 

PS Totally agree the no kids around my dog is not only a good excuse, but a very truthful one.  If a kid annoys your dog and ignores the growl (and you’re not around to hear his warnings) he may snap at the kid and you’ve got a lawsuit on your hands.  That’s a firm no.  Just tell them your dog doesn’t have patience for kids and could easily crush their little skulls in one bite :).  The smiley face IS necessary. 😛

PPS If even that doesn’t work, then straight up say “sorry, I know he offered but he was drunk and we really can’t host anyone.  I hope you have a great trip.” and leave it at that.  It sounds like these people will keep finding “solutions” to your excuses.. so don’t give an excuse, just say NO.

Post # 27
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would be FURIOUS with my husband. Tell him that he needs to contact everyone who’s planning to stay with you and tell them that you won’t be able to accommodate house guests due to the fact that you work from home and your dog is not safe to be around children. Have him say that he offered without thinking and that he’s really sorry. 

Post # 28
Member
2178 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

peridot456:  That couple is DEFINITELY coming lol. Bet they already booked their flights smh

Post # 29
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

This is something you will have to get used to – everyone who moves to Florida (or any other touristy spot) faces this some issue.  I grew up in Orlando and we always had people wanting to stay with us.  You either have to figure out how to deal with it, or figure out how to say no (and make your your husband has your back).  

Post # 30
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee

 

You husband may have been a pushover but he needs to grow a backbone and stop this ASAP.

I can’t believe those “friends” cancelled their hotel and demanded their friends come too?! Who does that? Especially to people will be just settling in.

Nope, nope, nope.

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