(Closed) I am a bad houseguest host! Vent

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
1549 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

bzbride2277:  Nope, no way, wouldn’t happen. I would hope that these people invited would realize the invite was more of an act of politeness (originating from the booze) instead of turning your new home into free room and board. If these people are that obtuse it needs to be shut down immediately. I would just tell the it’s not feasible since you will be working.

Post # 32
11986 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Your H should immediately call these people and tell them that he spoke out of turn and realized  that you will be working from home, getting settled into your new life and that while you’d like to see them for dinner if they are in the area, you realize it  won’t work out for them to stay with you after all. If he won’t say any of this, tell him you will. 

I’d be mad at H, but if it were me, there’s no way this would actually be happening. 

Post # 33
3457 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

bzbride2277:  I just wanted to say that I feel you and feel for you. I move frequently due to my work and I always end up in a “destination” …someplace friends and family have been meaning to visit but never did because they don’t want to pay for a hotel and would appreciate the convenience of free meals, a free ride to/from the airport, a free tour guide and a free interpreter (aka ME). People talk really big in the beginning, sometimes not being very polite about their demands that I/we host them when they visit. But in all honesty, most of the time it is just talk. Less than one percent of the folks who said they’d visit ever even made a follow-up call about it.

You are not a bad hostess. Being a bad hostess would be letting these people come to your home knowing that you don’t have the space or availability to help them have an enjoyable experience.

Now, as for the couple that’s planning on cancelling their hotel room and/or bringing along a bunch of randos, I strongly believe in saying what needs to be said quickly and firmly. Your husband drunkenly invited them etc, but that’s all in the past. The only thing left to do is send them a short email with a variation of the following:

Dear Jim and Jane,

It was so great getting together with you all at the going away shindig. With all the excitement, we didn’t have a chance to clarify this with you the night-of, but I wanted to mention this ASAP. While we would love to get together with you (maybe for a meal or a night out) should you find yourselves near our new neighborhood, I’m afraid it won’t be possible for us to host a group as large as yours for such an extended time anytime soon. We will be overwhelmed with moving, getting our new place together, and as you know I work from home which complicates having houseguests even further. We will reach out to you when we feel that we’re up to hosting overnight guests. 



cc your husband (so that no one tries to circumvent you via him and he ends up caving again) and keep it moving. 

Post # 36
5947 posts
Bee Keeper

bzbride2277:  You’re not a bad host or a bad person! I love kids – & entertaining- but with this scenario I was feeling your pain before I even finished reading your post. 

I think the thing that would get me the most is that these aren’t people close to you but people who suddenly seem to make time for you now that it benefits them. I’d be happy to let family members or closest friends stay with us, but I’d be pissed off at being used for free accommodation by aquaintances &  your DH’s drinking buddies who suddenly plant themselves in the friendzone. 

This is your home. HOME. Not a bed & breakfast, not a vaca condo. Your Darling Husband put his foot in his mouth whilst he was eating, drinking & being a little too merry. He needs to fix this NOW, before people start arriving to eat, drink & be merry at your place- otherwise you’ll be fielding work calls with an armful of wet, sandy towels and doing dishes for 12. 

Post # 37
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

You are not a bad houseguest host….They have to consult you before buying tickets and making plans. It’s simple really. Excuses are numerous – You’re not at home/have family over/already have plans for that week/renovating. They cannot impose themselves on you. 

Finally, the best answer is NO, you can NOT have people over now. It’s your house. Whatever you want is final. 

Post # 38
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Waldorf Astoria, Orlando

bzbride2277:  Haha, glad I could make you laugh! 🙂 I’m positive you’ll love it here. – This is coming from a girl who SWORE to every God in written history she would NEVER live in Florida! I love it here. Everyone here is either retired or on vacation, so everyone is happy for the most part.

FAIR WARNING: Not a single flipping person remembers to use their turn signal and every turn is an “emergency-lets-cut-across-six-lanes-of-traffic” turn. GET GOOD BRAKES!


Best of luck to your and your husband! Enjoy the 9 months of summer 🙂

Post # 39
230 posts
Helper bee

No, you’re not a bad host – they’re bad guests!

I feel the same as you regarding children. I’m VERY particular about my private space (perhaps more so than ‘normal’) so this would really irk me. I feel you!

PP’s have been giving GREAT advice! Yay for sound advice!
As for your husband, shame. It should be him on speaker phone telling people he was tipsy and over-eager and that the sober reality of it all is vastly different and the place is too small to accomdate 1) an entire family PLUS their guests (wtf) 2) a working wife now being a host.

And you stand there and give him the beady eye so he doesn’t back down. He can either have unhappy acquaintances or an unhappy wife (and I’m sure the answer is obvious).

Or perhaps he’d like to take off time from his work instead to deal with the kids and guests?
I like the idea PP had of telling them your dog bites. I’ve had guests over with kids and some parents do NOT get the responsibility of having to teach a kid respect for animals. So I just told them, “Nope, this dog bites. Keep your kid away.” and we had no problems – and if something did end up happening, I’d warned them and they went ahead anyway. Your friends don’t seem to know much about normal dog behaviour. Or respect.

I’d straight up tell them, “Actually I’m sorry, he made all those tipsy plans but it won’t actually be a good idea because I need to work from home and I simply cannot accomdate guests of that number. Sorry, not sorry.”

There is NO shame in saying no. It’s your house, your life. Set the standard now so that they don’t push next time! Good luck!

Post # 40
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Lol, only laughing because my husband does the SAME thing when he’s drunk and we get into fights about it! Just a couple months ago he made plans to go on a big expensive cruise with another couple and they started texting asking for dates the next day! he just responded “sorry I got a little tipsy and excited, we just bought a house, def not going on a cruise lol” 

Any way, unlike PP I don’t blame the house guests at all, it sounds like your hubs was encouraging them and made them feel welcome to come and bring friends. I don’t feel like they’re out of line. 

I think this can easily be fixed with a light hearted text. “Hey, I got a little ahead of myself last night and didn’t think of wife having to work. Youre still welcome for the weekend but keep the hotel for the week! Let me know if that works!”

ps, I hate having house guests and never have them. I am the worst. Like I’d probably stick my own mom in a hotel. So I get where you’re coming from. 

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