Post # 1
I dont know what to dobor say. I am beyond confused and hurt. I thought he was actually coming around to where we can be civil for the kids. WRONG! I admit that I still love him and probably would go back in a heartbeat but not now. This last weekend he was supposed to have the kids but didnt except for a few hours here and there. Saturday night he goes out with his friends and runs into his skanky fuck buddy ex that he dated right before we met. She kept calling him in the beginning then stopped. So I have always had his voice mail password and so I checked it. Sure enough at 3am he had a message from her saying it was nice seeing him and that maybe they were meant to run into each other. I flip. I waited till later that morning and texted him asking if he wanted rhe kids. I then ask what he did the night before and he says he went out. Duh. I proceed to tell him that I hear he met someone. He started to get extremely defensive and mean. Eventually xame clean and tells me he was talking to some random girl and his ex and that his ex wanted to go home with him but he told her he needed to figure some things out with me first. WTF! We start arguing about us and I ask why he is even talking to her and he says she is sexy and has a nice body but that he thinks I do too. He says that he needs sex everyday and if he doesn’t get it from me I will lose him. He came to my place later and we spent time together with the kids but the whole time he was on his phone. He is getting another roommate too. He wouldn’t tell me what this girl had texted him or what he said to her. He says I have no right to know. Its like he wants me until someone better comes along. I dont know how to stand up to him. I am so devastated. Thinking of him with someone else just kills me inside. We haven’t even been apart 3 weeks and he already has girls calling him. He says he never talked to girls or anything like that when we were married but how can I believe that when he has them calling already and we haven’t even filed.
I am so broken.
Post # 3
@AngryBee21: oh hun i know this is hurting you so much at the moment but you have to let this man go. I appreciate you have kids together and so need to have some contact but thats really the only thing you and him should be discussing.
Being civil for the sake of the kids and wanting to know if he has been out,checking his voice mails,asking him why he is talking to her……..well,thats not about the kids is it.
And all the answers are hurting you (understandably)
As much as you still love him,he cheated on you before you got married, you know he is not behaving as a husband should and you are separated now so need to create distance regarding your personal lives
Dont ask him what he has been up to. Dont check his voice mail. Dont mention the f**k buddy. ONLY discuss the kids
And take care of yourself and your children. read, meet your friends, start forging your new life and leave that douchebag on the outskirts of your life
good luck to you
Post # 4
He is in your past. It shouldn’t matter who he is sleeping with or who his roommate is or where he goes. None of that is your business, no more than it is his business who you date now.
Post # 5
He’s not hurting you, you’re hurting yourself. Who he’s having sex with…wth does that have to with the kids. It doesnt. Stop checking is voicemail. get a hobby or some outside intrests rather sitting around wasting thoughts and energy on someone who isnt interested in you. If its about the kids, leave it at that.
Post # 6
Listen, I get that you’re hurting…and when we hurt we sometimes act a little….well, crazy. But lady, you need to reign it in. You can’t be doing shit like hacking his voicemail. That’s illegal most places. You need to worry about your kids, and helping them heal , because watching you two behave this way is not good for them. I would really strongly urge you to look into some kind od individual counselling to help you let this man, and this behaviour go. They’re both toxic.
Post # 7
I think the reason I am still obsessing over him is because we still act like we are married. He is having his cake and eating it too. TOTALLY my fault that I am still intimate with him. He says that sex is important to him and if he doesn’t get it everyday then I will lose him.
All I wanted was a family. Our kids, a home and my husband. It feels as if my whole world has crashed down around me.
I know what I would tell my best friend if this was her, I just wish I was strong enough to take my own advice. I know what I need to do. I have tried to stand up to him before and he comes back and is so mean and nasty and threatening that I cave and end up apologzing and trying to change and fix things.
Post # 8
@sara_tiara: You are absolutely right. Saturday I had a really good day, I hung out with my kiddos and took them to lunch. We were having a great time and then he texted me freaking out because I hadn’t texted him in two hours and he wanted to know what I was doing. I don’t text him unless he initiates conversation.
Post # 9
@AngryBee21: He is manipulating you and you are allowing it in the hope of things working out. You are going to need to muster up all your strength to stop this cycle
He says if he doesnt get sex everday you will lose him……you already have lost him and good job too,he sounds a real winner…..said no one ever
This will go on until he does in fact meet someone else,then you are not going to see his butt for dust.You will hurt far more when that happens.
protect yourself like you would your children and point blank refuse to enable his behaviour
Post # 10
He has absolutely no right to know what you’re doing, and you, my dear, have absolutely no business sleeping with this sorry excuse for a man. If he doesn’t get sex every day he’s gone? Good friggin riddance. I don’t know whether you have boys or girls, but I’m going to guess you don’t want your sons growing up to think this is an acceptable way to treat women, or your daughters thinking this is how they should be treated. You need to be the responsible parent here because it’s quite clear he won’t. I know that is far more easier said then done, but they really need you to find that strength. We both know they don’t deserve to grow up watching this crap between you two.
Post # 11
Well here is a fun little update. I filed for divorce. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Anytime we would talk he would always bring up everything I did wrong but will never take responsibilty for anything he did. He has been emotionally, verbally and physically abuisve for almost our entire relationship. I don’t know why I stayed this long. The sad thing, I am still doing and acting like his wife. Making his doctor appointments and helping with the house and things like that. He now has 3 roommates living with him so he pays little to no bills. I am living on my own with 3 children and paying for everything. He says if I make him pay child support I will be sorry. The other day when he got served with his papers, I was there at the house. He had the kids and the furnance wouldn’t kick on so he called me at my place and like usual, I ran right there and fixed it. He got served and it was a huge fight because he thinks I am trying to screw him over. I am not. He ends up making me feel so guilty and we are intimate. HUGE MISTAKE I know. But part of me still loves him very much and I just want our family back. Anyway, I leave and he takes the kids to his work Christmas, then brings them to me later in the afternoon even though he is supposed to have them all weekend.
After he gets home, he texts me freaking out again about the papers and saying I lied to him and starts a fight. He then turns around and starts being nice and then says that if he sleeps with someone else he will tell me and he knows it would hurt me but he won’t lie to me anymore. That’s exactly what he did. He invited his ex f*** buddy over that night and had sex with her in our bed. It makes me sick. He even showed me the box of condoms he bought while i was there. Sunday morning he was acting different and so I came out and asked him and he didn’t lie. He said he didn’t mean for it to happen and it was just sex and what he and I did was love. He said that she made him feel confident about himself in bed and that she tells him he is good in bed and looks good and could have any woman he wants. He says I never made him feel good. He called me fat and disgusting all the time. I told him he made me sick and that I never want to see or hear from him again unless it is about the kids.
He is still trying to turn this around on me. Saying that I never made him feel good and he always tried hard to please me in the bedroom. I have told him that sex is not the most important thing in a marriage. He doesn’t get it.
How can someone love you and make love to you then sleep with some sk**K that same night.
I don’t understand.
Post # 12
Why are you continuing to sleep with him, do everything for him, and let him abuse you? His actions indicate he has no respect or love for you, in any way, shape or form.
Post # 13
Even though you said you wanted to work things out for your kids I think it will be much better for them to be in a healthy environment even if that means having divorced parents. Even though you think you are putting on a brave face for your children they pick up on more things than you think, so even though they probably don’t understand what’s going on they can definitely tell that something is wrong. Right now, you really need to let this guy go. If communicating with him and seeing him hurts you and makes you think “what if” then find someone else to plan and execute drop offs and pick ups of your children if possible. I would also tell him that you won’t be doing multiple pick ups and drop offs during a weekend. If he wants to see his kids he better be with them during the days that he is given with them. If he wants to go out and party then they should be staying with you. You definitely don’t need to be with this guy because NO guy NEEDS to have sex every night unless they have a problem. If he wanted to make things work with you he would be waiting for you and keeping things in his pants. I definitely agree that it is more than likely that he has been at least talking to these other girls before you guys separated.
Post # 14
I’m sorry hunny, but it’s hard to have sympathy when you know you are allowing him to be an asshole to you. Stop sleeping with him, stop rushing to him when he calls, stop being his wife – you aren’t anymore.
And ps, if you DON’T collect child support, that is craziness in my mind, they are his kids too, unless you have joint custody (doesn’t sound like it), he HAS to help pay for them. You are doing your kids a disservice.
Have some self respect and run, don’t walk, away from this man.
Post # 15
This is so sad. You’re stuck in a vicious cycle because you still care about him. Sweetheart, he doesn’t care about you. He may say he does, but do you really think that a man who really loves you would treat you this way?
Please respect yourself enough to know that you do NOT deserve this treatment. Don’t sleep with him anymore; I’m sure it doesn’t make you feel any better afterwards, especially since he’ll just sleep with someone else right after you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Stay strong for your children and know that you deserve better.
Post # 16
I don’t have sympathy for you, but I do have advice.. Stop sleeping with him and being his doormat, hes not making love to you, he’s fucking you because he can.
Collect child support for the sake of your children and move on.