Ok, wow… I don’t know what to say or where to start. I’ve followed your posts from the beginning always hoping they’d get better. Which, it sounds like they are, but in some ways they aren’t. You’re in a classic abuse situation, which you already know. YOU made him do this; it’s YOUR fault; if YOU had/hadn’t done “x”, he would have/have not done “y”; threats, projecting, etc… the list goes on and on and on and on. You can’t control someone else’s behavior, only yours. If you did have as much control over his actions as he’s giving you credit for, I highly doubt you would make him act like this!
Kudos for growing a pair and removing yourself from the situation! That is ridiculously hard to do in an abusive situation. You said it yourself, you finally got a pair of juevos and are now ready to use them! Keep with that mentality! His needs/wants are not your problem anymore. You’ve decided to move on. No more running to his rescue because his damn furnace went out or because he wants a peice of ass. Your only concerns at this point are your children and yourself. He only comes into the equation as their father; merely a sperm donor at this point. He isn’t worthy of even an ex-husband title, dear.
Using your children as blackmail against you is beyond messed up. That makes me question his ability to be a healthy parent for your kiddos. Surely you don’t want them growing up thinking this is acceptable behavior? Kids are often more perceptive than adults give them credit for; don’t let his toxicity leak through into their little minds and hearts.
Think about a time when you were daydreaming of love, marriage, family and all that jazz. How did you envision it being? I highly doubt it was like this. Don’t sell yourself short and continue to let him hurt you. Bullies only bully (which is precicely what he is!) when they feel they can get away with it. They’re the biggest cowards out there! Give yourself time to step back, reset and use this as a learning experience for what you are and are not willing to put up with next time. Establish boundaries for yourself and your relationship and make a promise to you and your children (mentally) that you will not tolerate ANYONE that crosses those lines. Eventually you will find happiness with another that treats you well and doesn’t dictate that sex every night is a stipulation for marriage.
“How can someone love you and make love to you then sleep with some sk**K that same night.” Because he isn’t making love to you. He is using you. I’m sorry if that seems harsh but it’s reality. I don’t know you from Adam, but it sounds like you really tried, you put yourself out there and did everything you can to make it work. But it didn’t. Honey, I don’t treat people I love, don’t love, like or even DESPISE the way he’s treating you. Teach your children, ESPECIALLY if you have little girls, that they don’t have to put up with this sort of behavior when they’re older.
You can do it!! You’ve already taken two huge steps in the right direction. Moving out and filing for divorce. Follow through, don’t forget you’re a strong person, and the hell with him. He’ll go on being miserable for the rest of his life if he wants to keep blaming others for his problems. Not your problem anymore though.
My thoughts are with you. =)