(Closed) I am a sucky MOH

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Don’t be so hard on yourself!

Is there any way you can block off some time (maybe just an hour or so at a time) to work on things for her wedding?  Even if it’s only finalizing a date.  The progress will make you feel better.

Post # 4
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Your Maid/Matron of Honor status tells me that this is a dear and close friend of yours who hopefully knows and understands how busy your life is.  I would just keep her up to date on the planning process so she never has any reason to think you are slacking on your Maid/Matron of Honor duties and you might find that she has great suggestions to help you with your planning.  For example, my Maid/Matron of Honor is VERY busy but my sister-in-law is a stay at home mom and happens to have alot of spare time right now.  I suggested my Maid/Matron of Honor take advantage of my SIL and ask her to help plan the shower.  Not only does it relieve my busy Maid/Matron of Honor of going insane, but my SIL is thrilled to be involved with all the extra planning.  Definitely enlist the help of the other bridesmaids as well!

Post # 5
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Are there other bridesmaids who can help??? Can a relative take over the shower? 

Don’t get too down on yourself, everyone has those days (and most of them have 1/2 the commitments you do!) Just take it one thing at a time, and keep the lines of communication open with your friend. 

Post # 6
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Remember these parties are gifts to the bride.  The are not required facets of being a Maid/Matron of Honor.

Are you friendly with the bride’s mother or other family members?  Could you ask around if a shower is in the works, being planned by someone else?  Perhaps the other bridesmaids are waiting for you to start talk about a shower.  You could tell them that while you are happy to help logistically with a shower, you are not in a position to contribute much financially, and see where the conversation goes.

Do NOT feel badly about this. 

Post # 7
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would ask other BMs to help – my Maid/Matron of Honor is super busy and I know she wants the best for me, but she did reach out to some of my BMs for help and they were more than willing, not to mention my Maid/Matron of Honor is 2 months preggo so I’m sure she’s dealing with a LOT of her own, and I know that whatever she comes up with I’ll love it regardless! I think you’re being too hard on yourself.

Post # 8
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@SweetHoneyBee:  Don’t be so hard on yourself! Your “bride” loves you and as long as your honest with her, I’m sure (hope) she’d understand.

A couple suggestions that may help: Can you do the shower and bachelorette party the same day?  That’s what we’re doing for mine…afternoon shower (light apps), and then we’ll head to restaurant for dinner (everyone pays for their own meal) and then out on the town.  You could have a BBQ in the afternoon for the shower, and ask each of the other bridesmaids to bring a dish or beverages to contribute.  That’s not uncommon in my area.

Also, for the bachelorette party, if you rent a bus or take cabs, it’s also not uncommon to ask the attendees chip in a little to help cover the travel costs. 

Another idea I recently heard of, maybe “in lieu” of bachelorette party gifts, each attendee could bring a bottle of wine, six pack of beer, etc. to share with the group.  Then the bridal party could take care of one bigger bachelorette party gift if you planned to give gifts.

Hope this helps!

Post # 9
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’ll trade my Maid/Matron of Honor for you! My younger sister hasn’t even asked me how my wedding plans are going, let alone if she can help. I’m scared for my bachelorette night. I don’t even think she’s thought of it.

You sound like you focused on her experience, and that’s great. I’m sure whatever you come up with she will love. I agree with other posters. Ask the other bridesmaids! Delegating is so helpful and takes a lot of stress off of you.

Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
9548 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

The fact that you’re worried about it at all shows that you’re not a sucky MOH!!! Just take a deep breath, set some priorities and get organized. Once you can figure out what exactly needs to happen, you can start tackling things one at a time. You’ll get there. Just don’t give up!

Post # 12
Member
3305 posts
Sugar bee

Get the other maids to help! You still have lots of time to organize and plan!

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