(Closed) I am a very bad person, my confession

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
13251 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you know exactly what to do.  You need to tell your cousin about what’s going on and you need to cut all contact with this guy.  Delete your facebook page if you have to go that far.  This isn’t just ruining a marriage now – there’s a baby involved.  You need to get this all sorted out as soon as possible for the sake of the baby, and for the sake of your whole family.  I know this is going to create lots of problems for you with your family, but like you said, you knew what you were doing was wrong.  It’s time to face the music, and let the chips fall where they may.

Post # 4
Member
380 posts
Helper bee

@incognito123:  I don’t have any advice, and I’m certainly not going to condemn you! Everyone has stuff they regret. I just wanted to say good on you for telling your partner! That had to take a lot of courage!!! And also for blocking the guy on facebook!! Things can only get better, right? 🙂

Post # 5
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@incognito123:  I’m going to have to agree with the poster above me. We all have things we regret, and dadgummit, you shouldn’t have done it! I don’t think ruining your engagement, their marriage, your family relationship, all that (because it’s a lot) is really worth it. 

 

I say take it to the grave. And for God’s sake, CUT IT OFF. Don’t talk to him anymore. 

Post # 6
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Oops. Just reading that you already did. Anyway, yeah. So, you can’t take it back, you’ll always have the guilt, regardless of whether or not all parties know. 

Post # 7
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You need to obviously figure out lacking in your relationship before you hurt your partner. It’s better to be the one to break the news to those involved before your cousin’s husband does so out of malice. Hope it all goes well 🙂

Post # 9
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@incognito123:  Let’s face it, life has some awkward moments. You’ll get over it, because HELLOOOOOO it’ll be your wedding day, and that is SO exciting!

Post # 10
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

First of all, you do not want to tell her while she is pregnant!!!! The hormones that come from being sad and depressed and angry will have an impact on the development of this baby!!!! You don’t want to tell her after the baby is born either, she needs to focus on baby. I am a big fan of telling the truth ( I couldn’t keep a secret like that), and I would hate to know that she is living with a man who is deceiving her. Having said that, it honestly might be better to wait a loooooong while.

To address your feelings about him, the amazing kiss, and all that…. honestly, I think it is the forbidden fruit that gives you attention aspect of it. Of course it is going to be better than your fiance’s kisses ever were, because there was a VERY LONG buildup to it. Also, because you didn’t really know this man, and even though you probably talked a lot online, you had the opportunity to project what you wanted him to be onto him because you never lived with the real him. I think you definitely need to make sure things are cut off from him. Let this go, it is an addiction, a drug. The more time you spend addicted the more time you are taking away from the rest of your life and we only live once, right? 

Post # 11
Member
380 posts
Helper bee

@incognito123:  Well, it doesn’t seem like you’re all that close to her – I just wouldn’t invite them when you get married!

Post # 12
Member
2016 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I am trying to imagine if it were my husband that had done this and would i want to know. Its a tricky one. On one hand i would say no i wouldnt want to know for the sake of the family, but i would like to know what a jerk my husband is.

Post # 13
Member
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You wrote that you backed off when you found out his wife was expecting, but then a few weeks later you ‘did things with him’ and you have written that it was a few weeks after this sexual encounter that you found out his wife is 12 weeks pregnant. So which one is it?

I think you knew all about the pregnancy before you let him in your house.

I feel really, really sorry for your cousin. The kiss, the whatever you did for 30 minutes is quite minimal compared to the year long emotional affair you have had with this man.

 

Post # 14
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

I have been in a sort of similar situation about 5 years back, where my cousin’s husband liked me. I did not return those feelings, so nothing ever happened but me dodging all his attempts. I never found the courage to tell her. I think I should have though but my friends and my parents seem to dissagree with me on that.

I think you should use your counseling sessions to figure out if, when and how you are going to tell your cousin. I think a lot has to do with the character of the guy. Does he have to potential to be a good husband? Are you his only slip up and do you think it will never happen again? 

What he did was really really really wrong. What is strange to me is that he did go ahead and start a family with someone he apparently doesn’t love that much? And yes, you also really really really messed up. But you have to forgive yourself at some point. Just learn from the experience.

 

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