(Closed) I am afraid my mother is going to ruin my wedding =[

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

Your mom sounds bipolar. I would say you should probobally pre-empt her outburst by calling the bride  and her mom and thanking them so much for being so generous and how much you appreciate them doin this for you. 

Post # 4
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

She has some serious manic depression/bi-polar issues. I presume the bride and her mother know how your mother can switch her mood at the drop of a hat? If not, I’d let them know; so that incase anything does happen that won’t cause any tension between you and them. 

You are not your mothers keeper. She is a grown woman that needs to get some seriously psychological help and medication. 

Fiance and myself have a family member that acts very similar to your mother. This person’s mood will do a complete 180 in 2 seconds flat. They constantly change their opinions about anything and everything, belittle anyone that has a shred of happiness in their life, have constant unknown illnesses (yet won’t go to the doctor for diagnosis/treatment), serious addiction problems and generly don’t give a flipping duck about anyone else’s feelings. We have chosen to distance ourselves from this person. They will be at the wedding: if they act up at all, even one tiny bit; they will be escorted from the property….if they cause more of a scene; we will call the police. 

Post # 5
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree that your mom sounds bi-polar.  The same illness exists in my family and my friends understand.  They do not hold my family’s bad behavior against me because they understand it is due to the illness.

I agree with p/p for you to maintain the relationship with the generous folks.  Offer to help them, be there and be excited for them. 

As for your relationship with your mother – understand that she has an illness.  Encourage her to seek treatment but keep in mind that just because she is family does not give her the right to abuse you.  You can end conversations with her when they start to go down “that” path.  You must take control and manage your boundries to keep your sanity.

Best wishes – *hugs*

Post # 6
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

are we sisters because i swear my mom is just as exhausting as yours! my mom and i are becoming more and more estranged and we went to open warfare a week or so ago and quite simply i have emotionally boxed her and her BS up and put it in a place labled no longer care

does the other bride and her mom know what your mom is like?  if yes then im hoping they wont punish you for her craziness. i suggest you limit your communication with your mom, dont talk weddings or relationships and if she starts being judgemental or going off about something dont engage her to continue the topic.  hugs and goodluck – i wish it was easier for you

Post # 7
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I agree with PP about bipolar but also would throw out borderline personality disorder.  They’re similar and therefore often confused for the other.  but yeah, I’m having similar situations with my mom and have been wondering about personality disorders on general..

Bottom line – you have your own relationships with these people and they won’t/shouldn’t confuse anything your mom does or says with YOU and who you are.  I know first hand that that’s hard to believe, but i really think it’s true.  Carry on your relationships with them and express your very honest gratitude and things should be fine.  That’s in your control

Here’s something I have to say to myself all the time (al-anon/aa serenity prayer) God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Best of luck with all of this!  

Post # 9
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

one persons diagnosis of bi-polar is another persons being a bitch – my mom doesnt have a chemical imbalance, shes just a mean spoilt narrow minded woman that isnt use to anyone having an opinion other than hers and she expects everyone to jump just because she speaks

as i said to my mom last week, friendships you had for almost 40yrs no longer exist and 2 of your children and 3 adult grandsons no longer speak to you/you werent invited to their weddings so keep telling yourself everyone else is the problem

Post # 10
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I second the pp’s borderline personality disorder comment. I have had the unfortunate privilege of knowing several BPD’s and talk about toxic! It is no wonder you have anxiety issues. Two of the women I know with BPD have children with anxiety disorders. There is a great book on the subject and I will get you the title as soon as Fiance gets home in the morning (it is in a box at his house). I would really limit my exposure to your mom (You should be happy. You are planning a wedding not a funeral!). I would also go to counseling and learn strategies on how to deal with her. I am so sorry she puts you thru this. I will be praying for you and I am here if you ever need to vent. *HUGS*

Post # 11
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m really sorry, because you deserve to have a great wedding day and a supportive parent in your life. A friend I had in highschool had a parent who was diagnosed bi-polar, and it was really rough on her. She ended up needing therapy and medications to get her through some depression until she could move away and cut contact with the toxic parent. When her father got some help himself, she spoke a little to him, but found it was best to keep herself distant and removed from all the drama.

I have no good advice for dealing with this besides that, I’m afraid. I just want to send lots of well wishes and virtual hugs. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee

Holy biscuits it almost sounds like my mom, just a few steps in a different direction.

I’m not at all looking forward to even beginning planning, because of my family, mostly my mom.  I don’t really like to go home to visit, or call on the phone… and I don’t trust her on top of the crazy, because I’ve certainly had personal information make it around the whole blipping town and back to me, when I had told no one.  

Future Mother-In-Law threw us an engagement party, just about everyone noticed I stayed on the far side the room for as long as necessary.  She still went on her tirades about who knows what.

Fiance has decided that my family is getting a chaperone/guardian, so as not to add unnecessary stress.

I think peanuthead said it best, you really have to do what’s best for you.  When it gets really bad, I have to step back, take a break from everybody and everything, and figure out what I need to do to keep my head as together as possible.  Engage as much as you need to, disengage when the pot’s about to boil.  

 

Post # 15
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Pinksapphire: Completely agree with knittylady–especially with the possible BPD diagnosis.

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