(Closed) I am at a LOSS for words, what do I do now?!?!?!?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
773 posts
Busy bee

oh my gosh, this must be soo scary and happening so close to your wedding!  first of all, CONGRATS on your pregnancy!

a couple of things- what kind of officiant makes you sign an agreement not to have premarital sex?  While I doubt they’d refuse to marry you this close to your wedding date, most people don’t tell anyone about pregnancies until they are past the first trimester because of the high possibility of miscarriage.  While I think honesty is the best policy, and if you feel moved to tell them you should, you still are well within your rights to keep it to yourself at this stage.

 

At 3 or 4 months, you’ll just barely be showing, so i’m sure your dress will fit, it just might be a little snug.

 

Don’t be too scared of your mom.  I got pregnant unexpectedly two years ago and was terrified to tell my mom, but when I did, she was a little confused and shocked at first, but after about an hour of being slightly upset she just got really excited about having a grandchild!  My mom is the most traditional conservative woman in the world, and it barely took her any time to forgive me.  When I had a miscarriage, she was a thousand times more supportive than I could ever have expected. 

 

Post # 4
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Take a deep breath, let things sink in before you decide anything or tell anyone else. I think I would tell both of your parents close together, maybe at same time. Would you mom be less likely to be upset if others , i.e. FI’s Family were around?

Also read Mrs. Dumpling’s recent post on the the Dumpling surprise. I think the post was from Friday.  Your dress may not be a problem since lot’s of adjustments can be made with corsets.

Congratulations.  Your Fiance sounds very supportive.

Post # 5
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I agree- check out Mrs. Dumplings post- she was in the same boat- found out she was pregnant 2.5 months before her wedding.

http://www.weddingbee.com/2009/05/08/little-dumpling-surprise/#more-92562

I think you should take some time to let it sink in before you start telling people.  A lot of couples wait until the end of the first trimester to tell people (since the first trimester is when things are most likely to go wrong).  So, you could wait until after the wedding to tell your families.

If I were in your shoes, I would probably tell the immediate family- parents and siblings, but not the officiant if I could avoid it.

I doubt at 3 months pregnant that you will be showing very much, so the dress may fit fine.  Think about women you know who’ve had kids- when they told you they were pregnant (they were probably about 3 months along) did any of them look pregnant yet?  Probably not.

Best of luck with the wedding and the pregnancy!

Post # 6
Member
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I had a family member who was engaged and got pregnant.  The very traditional and very Christian family was slightly disappointed, but proud of her for facing the challenge with her head held high.  She was 4 months pregnant when she got married and was able to wear her original corset back dress.

Nobody would have known until after the wedding if she wanted it that way, but we were all so glad to support her both for the wedding and the baby!

This will be a blessing in the long run… so let me join in saying congratulations!!!

Post # 7
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

CONGRATS on your new baby! It sounds from your post that you are mostly worried about other peoples reactions-by the time the baby gets here this will all seem so unimportant and trivial. Your mom isnt going to kill you. She may be really pissed, but  now the most important thing for you to focus on is the baby and you have to keep reminding yourself that. I would lose the premarital counselor-you weren’t taking it too seriously anyway so it would be kind of hypocritial to have him/her perform your ceremony. Be excited-don’t get caught up in the drama-I’m telling you it isn’t worth it because in the end everyone is going to love the baby and wonder what all the fuss was about. Your dress will most likely fit too! Good luck with everything!

Post # 8
Member
497 posts
Helper bee

First, many MANY congrats on your pregnancy.  Whether or not you planned for this, it is still a wonderful blessing. 

I agree with holding off on telling people…most couples hold off until the 1st trimester has passed because so much can go wrong. 

And as far as showing, you should be ok with your dress…you may find that you are a bit bloated and not as completely svelte as ‘normal’ but you shouldn’t have a bump at 3 months and nothing you can’t ‘suck in’ at 4 months.

Best of luck!!

–Corn

Post # 9
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

I agree with Rosy. You don’t even have to tell your mom right now. My sister waited until she was 8 weeks along tell us (immediate family). Everyone else was told after her first trimester.

You are absolutely going to fit into your dress. Most women don’t show until later on during their first pregnancy. Call your OBGYN, schedule your first appointment and take some time to get used to this.  Take care of yourself, eat right, and get plenty of rest.

Best of Luck! and CONGRATS!

Post # 10
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

CONGRATS ON BEING PREGNANT!

Let me tell you one thing about parents… as much as you fear telling your mother, your baby will never ever ever be regretted. You will never regret a baby (I am not worried that you would regret it… but I am just saying this is a situational thing- this is just a moment, this period of "oh my gosh!"). So focus on your love you have with your soon to be hubby, the wonder in the upcoming months of being a new mother… and whatever your mother’s reaction is… she owns that moment. Not you. You can’t help how she feels, but you can help how you feel. 

Your mom will get over it. And soon her shock will turn into joy for the upcoming birth of a grandchild!

Stay stress free, be kind to yourself! This is all a time to be joyful! As much as you didn’t plan for the timing… roll with the punches. Everything will turn out FINE! =o)

Post # 11
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Congrats! Your parents will get over it. Sure, shock at first, a little disappointment, whatever. Did she really think you guys were being "good"? She probably knows better….moms always do =]

Please don’t tell people beyond immediate family. A girl I knew did this then lost the baby (as is pretty common up to the first trimester) and it was really horrifically embarassing and traumatic for her to have people congratulating her (like me) then have to tell us all she lost it. If you give yourself the 3 months (as many have recommended above), you’re already pregnant! Brush off the "why aren’t you drinking?" comments at your wedding  by saying you want all your pics to turn out lovely. Nix the champagne toast or make sure somebody gets you something sparkly but safe. They make non-alcoholic wines and you could cover up the labels if you are that concerned. 

At least you are already engaged!!!! You could always point on the positive to your mom. You’re already getting married…what’s 3 more months?! Oh well! Things happen for the best even if we don’t think so yet. You will still look lovely in your corset dress as everyone said above. 

Remember you are an adult! About to have a famly, yippee! Still something to get psyched about.  Don’t let your family make you feel like a little child over this all. I would find a really sweet way to tell your mom besides "Uhhh, mom?"the more excited YOU act about it, the better it will be.

Post # 12
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

also keep in mind a wedding is one day this baby is your new family. Someday you can look back at your wedding photos and know that it is really the beginning of your family! ((hugs))

Post # 13
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

CONGRATULATIONS! Definitely check out Mrs. Dumpling’s Post. It’s adorable and I’m sure you will be as well on the big day.

Post # 14
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

First: Congratulations!

Second: Don’t stress about it. Be excited. You’re getting married AND you’re starting your family. I think you’re just worried about what your parents will say, and if I’m reading correctly- you’re afraid they won’t pay for it if you tell them?
Wait to tell them. To to your OBGYN, and make an agreement with your Fiance to not tell anyone until after the wedding. That way, you’ll know for sure.

That’s just me- that’s what I would do if I were in your shoes- BUT you need to do what’s right for you. Take your time and decide what you want to do. I doubt your parents think you’re a virgin. They’re parents- they probably weren’t when they got married!

About the thing you had to sign- was it saying you WON’T have sex, or saying you HAVEN’T?

Post # 15
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

Congratulations! I feel you on the scared part — we found out that I was pregnant three months after the wedding, which while more socially acceptable is still really tough on our plans and budget.

To answer some of your questions:

Your dress will still fit. Corset-back = ADJUSTABLE. Just eat healthily and until you’re not hungry anymore, and don’t fall victim to the "Well, I’m pregnant and deserve it" argument to eat that entire carton of ice cream in the freezer (not yet, anyway). 🙂 You’re not really supposed to gain much weight in this trimester anyway. Lots of women lose weight due to morning sickness, honestly.

Your officiant — I assume this person is a conservative Christian of some manner if you signed an agreement not to have premarital sex (which is not crazy, btw, but true to his beliefs). I’d say ask yourself two questions:

1. Am I going to want to continue to be in a good relationship with this person after the wedding? IE, is he your personal pastor/a friend, etc?

2. Has this person seemed to be overly judgmental/vindictive/disrespectful with his beliefs?

If he’s not a loony, I’d say tell him. Any Christian worth his salt will not refuse to marry an expectant mother and her baby’s father — this is what he will WANT to see happen now more than ever. If he is a loony, well… tell him after you’ve told family because no guarantees about what he will feel to be his "duty" to share with your mom with or without your consent.

And your mom — I have seen a lot of really conservative mothers, even ones who really disapproved of their future son-in-laws, come around and be happy for their pregnant-shortly-before-marriage daughters. Does your mom like your FI? I’d say prepare for some rough times, but all is not lost. Blood is thicker than water after all, and unless your mom has some seriously messed-up priorities, I think that sooner or later she will just want to love on you and her new grandchild.

It seems you’re worried that people will think you have made a mistake — well, from their perspective, you did. Nothing that can be done about that now. What I will bet they want to see from you now, though, is a dedication to doing the right thing (get married!). God bless. 🙂

Post # 16
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

First – CONGRATULATIONS!

Second – Your gown will fit (it’s a corset back and you’re only 1 month pregnant).

Third – Your mom won’t kill you. Although she may need some time to adjust to this news, she’s going to be a grandma! So ultimately she’ll have a grandchild to love!

Fourth – Find a new officiant if you have to!

Fifth – Congratulations again!!!

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