Post # 1
Help! I’m not normally a poster, but in this instance, I don’t want to go to friends because it’s dirty laundry, and I don’t want to get advice from family because I don’t want to tear families to shreds, My mother would go postal! My fiance and I are estatic, literally absolutely crazy happy to be getting married. We started dating 4 years ago, spent two years in a faithful and commited long distance relationship until two years ago when he left his family home to move in with me. This is where it started. I never begged him to come, he wanted to and I agreed. Figuring he’s a grown man, I saw no problem with this. But they were offended that he didnt want to be near them anymore (Though that wasnt the reason for leaving, obviously) and they became petty and tried to erase him from his land he shares with them. (He doesnt know this, his best friend/BM told me, and told me to keep my mouth shut but he wanted to let someone know what was going on.) When they couldnt take him off they stopped talking to me, avoided me for a while and discluded me from their group texts. These are a weekly occurance as a way to keep in touch with one of the sisters that lives rather far away. OH ps, there are three older sisters. Three. Not one thinks I am worth the dirt they walk on and even though I’m 30 years old, they call me “Little Girl” and when refering to my fiance and I, it’s “The Children”. When I visit they constantly belittle me and emphasize how young I am compared to them (Mid-Thirties and the oldest is Mid Fourty-something). I bite my tongue because A.) I don’t want to cause waves. and B) THERE ARE THREE OF THEM! When I try to defend myself It’s Three Against One! About now I bet all of you are like “Where the Heck is the Fiance??” Funny story, he stood up to them once for me, and they got their panties in a bunch about how their brother would never speak back to them and I must be a bad influence. After that, they’ve waited until I was alone and he’d be helping his father or running an errand before they’d go for the throat, I’ll be sitting alone, then suddenly I’m listening to them decide the color couch I’m going to get when I move into their garage apartment. (Which isn’t happening, I’m not quitting my career to move 5 hours away because they want their brother back home.) They stole my wedding notes one day and actually listed in MY Guest List their friends and their husbands parents to be invited. My fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves, we agreed to only invite immediate family, and I guess I made a funny face when I saw the “friends daughters boyfriends neighbor” listed on my guest list and the response I got was “They would be hurt if you didn’t invite them because they live down the street.” After this I got blasted with overhearing a conversation with his sister about my terrible house keeping skills (they have not once in two years come to visit, so I don’t know what they are judging this off of.) and a month later I got “Our Lawyer thinks it’s a good Idea if we get a prenup from you.” I cried for two weeks. But still, trying to make ammends and show them I wasn’t a horrible person, I told them that my sister was going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor but I would love if they would do a reading. They said no. I asked if they wanted to carry the flower girl, ones DAUGHTER down the isle, still no, I asked if there was a comfortable way for them to be included in the wedding because I wanted them to be a part of the day and they said don’t worry about it. They told me not to even send an invitation. I brought them the engagement announcement in my local paper with a picture of their brother and everything and they read it and handed it back. I told them it was their copy and they said they didnt need anymore papers laying around. I can’t tell you how much that hurt. I haven’t spoken with them since January. I’m scared to go visit because I’m so distraught I want to scream and cry at the same time, and my fiance is beside himself and stuck in the middle. I don’t want to put him in a position like this, I want to fix it, I’ve tried sitting down and talking to them but they insist that it’s all in my head. What the heck should I do??
Post # 2
You tried. You’ve been nicer than I would be. They want no part in it? Then fine. Stop trying so hard. Leave it to your fiance to deal with them, honestly. It’s his family he needs to handle this and set them straight. I’m sorry they are being so awful to you :/
Post # 3
As much as it is important to work on family relationships, I don’t forsee them coming around. I personally would cut them off, and only say hi at family events..but some people can’t do that..I have issues with some family members..and at the end of the day I find it easier to move on without them then stopping my life to hope they treat me with respect and love.
Post # 4
You can’t fix it because you’re not the one that “broke it”. My guess is that any woman that their “little” brother was engaged to would get the same treatment. Every family has disfunction. Your Fiance family doesn’t sound any different. His sisters/family sound very controlling. They seem to be blaming you for their brother moving 5 hrs away. His sister’s don’t see your Fiance as an adult who has made his own decisions. I agree with the PP’s your Fiance has to be the one to set them straight, and stop trying so hard. The good thing is they live 5 hrs away. I wouldn’t bother having any contact with them unless they contact you first or it’s completely unavoidable. I’m sorry this is happening.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry that these people are terrible and happen to be your SILs. I know what it’s like for in-laws to gang up on you unfairly. It really sucks and honestly you need to protect & take care of yourself for now. You have been wonderful and I wish you could be my SIL! They are really missing out. You need to stop contacting them. Yes it sucks because you feel like you failed or are giving up but the truth is your SILs are the ones who failed not only in at least supporting their brother (you’d think they’d be happy that he’s happy?!) But they failed at being decent human beings. You will eventually see that they aren’t worth your time & you’re better without them. I am not in contact with my Future Father-In-Law and I see now how it’s for the best and I’m happy! Your Fiance needs to make it clear their behavior won’t be tolerated & he needs to follow thru with that. You don’t deserve this & it’s about damn time your fiancee protects you. It was hard for my Fiance to stand up and set limits with his family but he still did it! You didn’t put your Fiance in this situation his shitty sisters did so you aren’t at fault. Please please please get your Fiance to stand up for you & make it clear if they try anything again serious consequences will happen like them actually losing their brother. He needs to see they are insulting him just as much by being so awful to you. You don’t bully someone’s SO if you respect them. I hope your Fiance has your back because that’s crucial in a healthy relationship.
Post # 6
Hi OP, best focus on the things that please you best for now. The three FSILs are already doing all the work in driving their brother away by acting the way they do with you, but will blame you anyway because that’s what such people are like. Maybe they have trouble coming to terms with the reality that their kid brother has left the roost, or that another woman will be a permanent major part of his life, but it’s still no excuse to act like that. Most 5 y/o’s would be appalled by that behavior.
Post # 7
It sounds like you’ve already done enough trying to get them to open their hearts to you. They rejected all your overtures. At some point, your own self-respect has to trump your desire to be friends with them, and I think you’ve more than reached that point. Stop reaching out to them, stop fishing for their approval, stop having any kind of expectations of them at all. If you run into them at family gatherings or whatever, be polite but don’t curry favor. If you’re left alone with them and they start talking shit, tell them they’re being rude, get up and leave, and later report it all to your fiance and let him figure out how he wants to handle it. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time with them, but they sound like some bitch-ass bitches and to be honest you’re probably better off openly at odds with them than in some gross limbo where to they’re nice to your face, but snarky about you behind your back.
Post # 8
Tell them on Wednesdays you don’t wear pink.
Post # 10
Are his sisters old maids with no husbands or families of their own to focus on? They sound like they are so miserable that they cant handle to focus on their own lives but instead on you and your fiance. If I were you I would tell the fiancé that you will no longer be attending any of his family functions unless they calm down. He needs to tell them either they support the women he loves and is marrying or they can no longer be a part of your guys lives. If my family ever did this to my SO I would set them straight for sure!
Post # 11
I think as long as you are actively trying to seek their favor, they will be bullying you. If they get the message that you aren’t trying anymore, they will probably reach out a little. That FI is their “little brother” is no excuse, they have plenty of time to understand that people grow up and away.
Just be cordial when you see them, smile and be polite. If they talk to you in a backhanded “nice” way, pretend you don’t get it and respond graciously. Don’t bug your Fiance anymore, he is stuck in the middle. Avoid conflict. Confrontation will only make it worse.
Post # 12
I’m so sorry you have to deal with all of this. I agree with others, you’ve tried. Be cordial when you have to seem them but otherwise, I’d ignore them and try to rise above it all. Good luck!
Post # 13
“Old Maids” used in that derogatory fashion is an unwelcome surprise to see on on these boards. I hardly knew it was still in use..
Anyway, apart from the fact that the OP mentioned that one of them had a daughter ( hard to a achieve if you are still a”maiden”) have you not seen the yards and and yards of complaints about family members’ MOG’s/’MOB’s/married sisters/married SIL’s etc etc ? All with husbands and families , and all being a pain to someone.
Post # 14
Screw them. Nothing you can do except continue to bash your head against the wall. You can’t change people, only how much you care to deal with them
Post # 15
Really, “old maids”? As if a woman without a husband is somehow less than a married woman and must be miserable, because of course, a woman’s happiness depends on having a husband and children.
Ironic that there is all kinds of acceptance now of gay marriage, but prejudice against UNMARRIED people is still pretty strong.
I thought the term “old maids” was a relic of the 1950s.