(Closed) I Am Being Gang-Hated by the SIL's

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
71 posts
Worker bee

You tried. You’ve been nicer than I would be. They want no part in it? Then fine. Stop trying so hard. Leave it to your fiance to deal with them, honestly. It’s his family he needs to handle this and set them straight. I’m sorry they are being so awful to you :/ 

Post # 3
2632 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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lilsuch:  As much as it is important to work on family relationships, I don’t forsee them coming around. I personally would cut them off, and only say hi at family events..but some people can’t do that..I have issues with some family members..and at the end of the day I find it easier to move on without them then stopping my life to hope they treat me with respect and love. 

Post # 4
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

You can’t fix it because you’re not the one that “broke it”.  My guess is that any woman that their “little” brother was engaged to would get the same treatment.  Every family has disfunction.  Your Fiance family doesn’t sound any different.  His sisters/family sound very controlling.  They seem to be blaming you for their brother moving 5 hrs away.  His sister’s don’t see your Fiance as an adult who has made his own decisions.  I agree with the PP’s your Fiance has to be the one to set them straight, and stop trying so hard.  The good thing is they live 5 hrs away.  I wouldn’t bother having any contact with them unless they contact you first or it’s completely unavoidable.  I’m sorry this is happening.

Post # 5
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

View original reply
lilsuch:  I’m so sorry that these people are terrible and happen to be your SILs. I know what it’s like for in-laws to gang up on you unfairly. It really sucks and honestly you need to protect & take care of yourself for now. You have been wonderful and I wish you could be my SIL! They are really missing out. You need to stop contacting them. Yes it sucks because you feel like you failed or are giving up but the truth is your SILs are the ones who failed not only in at least supporting their brother (you’d think they’d be happy that he’s happy?!) But they failed at being decent human beings. You will eventually see that they aren’t worth your time & you’re better without them. I am not in contact with my Future Father-In-Law and I see now how it’s for the best and I’m happy! Your Fiance needs to make it clear their behavior won’t be tolerated & he needs to follow thru with that. You don’t deserve this & it’s about damn time your fiancee protects you. It was hard for my Fiance to stand up and set limits with his family but he still did it! You didn’t put your Fiance in this situation his shitty sisters did so you aren’t at fault. Please please please get your Fiance to stand up for you & make it clear if they try anything again serious consequences will happen like them actually losing their brother. He needs to see they are insulting him just as much by being so awful to you. You don’t bully someone’s SO if you respect them. I hope your Fiance has your back because that’s crucial in a healthy relationship.

Post # 6
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Hi OP, best focus on the things that please you best for now. The three FSILs are already doing all the work in driving their brother away by acting the way they do with you, but will blame you anyway because that’s what such people are like. Maybe they have trouble coming to terms with the reality that their kid brother has left the roost, or that another woman will be a permanent major part of his life, but it’s still no excuse to act like that. Most 5 y/o’s would be appalled by that behavior.

Post # 7
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It sounds like you’ve already done enough trying to get them to open their hearts to you. They rejected all your overtures. At some point, your own self-respect has to trump your desire to be friends with them, and I think you’ve more than reached that point. Stop reaching out to them, stop fishing for their approval, stop having any kind of expectations of them at all. If you run into them at family gatherings or whatever, be polite but don’t curry favor. If you’re left alone with them and they start talking shit, tell them they’re being rude, get up and leave, and later report it all to your fiance and let him figure out how he wants to handle it. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time with them, but they sound like some bitch-ass bitches and to be honest you’re probably better off openly at odds with them than in some gross limbo where to they’re nice to your face, but snarky about you behind your back.

Post # 8
1770 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Tell them on Wednesdays you don’t wear pink.

Post # 9
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016


Post # 10
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Are his sisters old maids with no husbands or families of their own to focus on? They sound like they are so miserable that they cant handle to focus on their own lives but instead on you and your fiance. If I were you I would tell the fiancé that you will no longer be attending any of his family functions unless they calm down. He needs to tell them either they support the women he loves and is marrying or they can no longer be a part of your guys lives. If my family ever did this to my SO I would set them straight for sure!

Post # 11
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I think as long as you are actively trying to seek their favor, they will be bullying you. If they get the message that you aren’t trying anymore, they will probably reach out a little. That FI is their “little brother” is no excuse, they have plenty of time to understand that people grow up and away.

Just be cordial when you see them, smile and be polite. If they talk to you in a backhanded “nice” way, pretend you don’t get it and respond graciously. Don’t bug your Fiance anymore, he is stuck in the middle. Avoid conflict. Confrontation will only make it worse.


Post # 12
7 posts
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m so sorry you have to deal with all of this. I agree with others, you’ve tried. Be cordial when you have to seem them but otherwise, I’d ignore them and try to rise above it all. Good luck! 

Post # 13
10515 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
Ashley8200blue:  “Old Maids” used in that  derogatory fashion is an unwelcome surprise to see on on these boards.  I hardly knew it was still in use..

Anyway, apart from the fact that the OP mentioned that one of them had a daughter ( hard to a achieve if you are still a”maiden”) have you not seen the yards and and yards  of complaints about family members’ MOG’s/’MOB’s/married sisters/married SIL’s etc etc ? All with husbands and families , and all being a pain to someone.

Post # 14
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Screw them. Nothing you can do except continue to bash your head against the wall. You can’t change people, only how much you care  to deal with them

Post # 15
1405 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
Ashley8200blue:  Really, “old maids”? As if a woman without a husband is somehow less than a married woman and must be miserable, because of course, a woman’s happiness depends on having a husband and children.

Ironic that there is all kinds of acceptance now of gay marriage, but prejudice against UNMARRIED people is still pretty strong.

I thought the term “old maids” was a relic of the 1950s.

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