(Closed) I am being selfish…

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Am I being too selfish?
    Yes...you are being selfish!!!! : (26 votes)
    58 %
    No...definately NOT as you are entitled to be upset...Forget them...and go with your original plans. : (13 votes)
    29 %
    You should try speaking to your cousin again : (6 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    It sounds like your heart’s in the right place, you just want it to be as convenient as possible for everyone involved. So, no, you aren’t being selfish. However, your cousin is probably also doing what he thinks is most convenient for people. He knows the issue, I would just let it go.

    If his wedding is the week before yours, definitely don’t have your bridal shower that weekend! Maybe put it on the Friday before the wedding so that everyone’s in town?

    Post # 4
    Member
    1498 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    You just need to keep with the plan you have.  Other people understand that some people won’t be able to attend a wedding for one reason or another.  I know it will be hard if some of the realtives you really want there won’t be able to be, but you can’t change your date and you can’t make someone else change theirs.

    You should not postpone your honeymoon unless you feel it is that important to be there, I wouldn’t.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1030 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I think as long as you keep in mind it’s tough for him too (getting engaged first doesn’t really entitle you to direct when he can get married, I think). I think if you work with him to determine what will be best with everyone (week after, month after, whenever), then just work within those confines. I agree as others have said, don’t have the shower during his wedding, but maybe the friday before when others will be in town.

    I think if you approach this problem as “you and the cousin are a team” instead of “you against the cousin” it will be easier, since you are family.. it’s your wedding and do what’s best for you, but try to let go a little bit of what the cousin’s plans are.

    Good luck!

    Post # 6
    Member
    1763 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    That is really tough. I would go a head and plan things. It may in the end be easier for people travelling that they will stay out for a week and then fly home instead of paying for the trip twice.

    Focus on your wedding and everything will work itself out once you get closer to the date adn they make offical plans.

    Post # 7
    Member
    5977 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I think you need to just go with what you are planning. You can’t keep trying to plan your wedding around someone else’s wedding. He knows the date of your wedding, and it’s unfortunate if he does it the week before or after yours, but family will be in town. I don’t think you should be planning your own shower/bachelorette – leave that up to your bridal party! They’ll make sure it’s special for you and you wn’t have to stress about it being around your cousin’s wedding.

    Post # 8
    Member
    49 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Assuming both of you are planning on having it in the Bay Area, I think that it wil be much easier for traveling family members to attend two weddings that are a week apart as opposed to two weddings that are a month apart, especially for those traveling very far (like from Europe).  The travelers wil probably be able to (and probably even want to) take a week off and therefore attend both events, whereas it’s very unlikely that they could stay for an entire month.

    I totally agree with Miss Boston – you and your cousin should work together on this to make it easier for each other and your family.  He also sounds like he’s trying to work around you and the family, and if you make it clear that you want to work together as a team, it should be fine.

    Post # 9
    Member
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Honestly, yes – I think you are being selfish.

    You get one day for your wedding so as long as he isn’t trying to plan his wedding on the same DAY as yours, you have no right to be upset, IMO.

    Honestly, I think his plan of having it the week before or the week after yours is the BEST option possible considering the situation you described.  Guests flying from across the country or from Europe could pretty easily attend both weddings if they are a week apart (just stay in town for the week in between).  But they likely won’t be able to fly in twice so spreading them out by a month (or even 2-3) prevents those guests from being able to be there for both of you.

    Post # 11
    Member
    242 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Where is each wedding being held? (It’s not too clear in the OP)

    I think that’s going to be the biggest factor, if they are both in the same city, then I think it would be easier to have them close together, so all the family can attend. If they are say on oppsite sides of the country or state then some time between each would making is easier on those who have to travel.

    Post # 12
    Member
    14496 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    If I am reading right you have a lot of family coming in from europe and canada, then maybe the two couples might want to think about coordinating weddings.  It’s a lot to place on travelers from out of the country to travel to the states multiple times in several weeks or even months.  You might even get more out of the experience to compromise on some things.  Maybe you could have you party stuff the wed. after her wedding or vise versa. 

    A lot of my family is coming to the midwest from both coasts.  My cousin called and asked if I would mind if she got married the Wed. before my wedding (they are gay and can’t get married in CA, but they can in IA).  I am so excited to share that with her.  This may be the last time our whole family will be together, and I want to make all the memories I can with them.  If that includes sharing a little of the spotlight, totally worth it in the long run.

    Post # 13
    Member
    485 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Its sounds to me that you werent exactly clear to your cousin, that you only expressed your desire to have your bachelorette party and bridal shower that weekend (which I think could easily be moved if you have to travel either way) but you left out the fact that it gives the extended family no time between weddings and they may have to choose.  Is it possible they were thinking that if the family is coming in from europe that having the weddings a week apart would eliminate people from having to choose they could stay the week for both since its a long trip to make for a weekend anyways?? I didnt vote because I while I dont think your being selfish,  i think youre worrying too much about everyone else.  You set your date and your venue, you cant control everyone else.  Move forward with your wedding plans and deal with the bachelorette party and bridal shower at another time.  Infact you shouldnt be dealing with them at all… let whomever is planning them deal with it. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    49 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    If almost all of your cousin’s guests are local, then why does it matter if there are out of towners going to your wedding?  None of them will have to choose between weddings, with the exception of the few Canadian family members (which should be solved if he has the wedding close to yours).

    Post # 16
    Member
    1893 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I would just keep your wedding as is and let your cousin worry about scheduling his to fit in.  Your date has been set, everyone knows it, now you can just relax and let everyone else figure out logistics.  As a fellow control-freak (not meant as an insult, I’m TOTALLY one myself) sometimes it’s hard to let go of the reigns a little, but some things you just can’t control. Someone else’s wedding planning is one of them.

    The topic ‘I am being selfish…’ is closed to new replies.

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