- 9 years ago
- Wedding: May 2010
My fiancee and I decided for personal reasons that we wanted to have only my sister as Maid/Matron of Honor and his BFF as Best Man. I have three close girlfriends that I felt were assuming they’d be asked to be bridesmaids (one had made many comments since the engagement as such) and so I felt the need to have in an person conversation with each of them. My first friend said she understood completely, supported the idea, would be as involved as I wanted in anyway she could and knew in my heart she was a bridesmaid anyway. My other two friends kind of just sat there and I explained that they were special to me and I still wanted them to be present in many of the pre-wedding/day of activities, if they wanted to but of course they were not obligated. They seemed okay.
The weekend passed and on Monday I got an email from one of the friends saying she needed to get together to talk. We decided to make plans for next week but I knew immediately that she was upset about this and thus began my insomnia on Monday. After another sleepless night Tuesday (and now my stomach being a mess because of anxiety) I emailed her yesterday and asked if we could push up our date and she said sure.
A few weeks prior to all of this, this one friend had sent me a text, as well as an email, saying she had a great dj to reccomend and to let her know if I wanted the contact info. Well (my bad I admit!) I didn’t respond or say thanks, mainly because we haven’t gotten anywhere near that stage yet and I fullly intended to follow up when we did.
When she emailed me yesterday she ended by saying ‘also, I guess you don’t want the dj I said I had for you since you have not asked for the info. That’s fine but it is your loss’ When i responded and said that w e just hadn’t gotten there yet and that I fully intended too, she wrote back and said she’d just been kidding. Then I said well by all means if you have the information send it and it will just be one less thing for me to ask about later. She responded by saying that actually she didn’t want to give me the information because she thought it wouldn’t match our tastes and she wanted to save him to use for herself someday (she’s not married).
We got together last night and basically she demanded an explanation for my and fiancee’s decision to not have bridesmaids. She said she is so upset because its a privalege to be asked and that during the wedding, she gets special recognition so everyone knows she is special to me and now she won’t have that. She is also sad because she won’t be able to get ready with me the morning of, etc. Also she said that the reason she didn’t want to give me the Dj is because she thinks fiancee and I are too highbrow for her.
I amazingly stayed calm and did my best to appease her. I told her I would love her to still be there and get nails done and get ready with me and that she was welcome to do a reading and she responded by saying she will just come like everyone else and she and the other friend had decided to treat themseleves to a limo ride that day to make it special since now it wasn’t (please note they live about a 5 minute cab ride away from the venue where both ceremony and reception are taking place).
Things ended and I did my best to make her feel better and then walked away and thought how I am way too nice. I am furious, hurt, and devastated that I have lost three nights sleep over this (last night was the worst so far). I have known this friend for 10 years. And obviously there is not enough space to get into our personal histroy but let’s just say that I am starting to feel this is the straw that broke the camel’s back after many years lately of her treating me badly.
I don’t know if I can face ending a freindship right now but I also feel like I can’t pretend I am okay with any of this.
What would you do?