(Closed) I am exhausted (long!)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009 - Church Ceremony/Reception at The Waterford House

Wow, sorry she’s being so childish… I can’t imagine how she would act if she was the one getting married.  I think you’ve done a good job of taking the high road.  I would just continue to be nice so that you don’t have to deal with any extra drama/ stress while planning your wedding.  Invite her to the things you said you would and include her as best you can.  Hopefully she’ll realize what a punk she’s being and either apologize or start playing nicely.  If she doesn’t, well I guess you have to decide what to do with the friendship.  Best of luck… **Hugs**

Post # 4
815 posts
Busy bee

Wow, I can’t believe she treated you like that!  I am so sorry!  Well my initial thought that I wouldn’t invite her.  That is, if this is really the “straw that broke the camel’s back.”  But it’s a lot more complicated when you are actually living in that situation.  I would try to move forward with your wedding planning, and try to ignore her.  I wouldn’t ever mention the DJ again, and I wouldn’t ask her to help me with anything, bc it seems like she takes the opportunity to help you and makes it an opportunity to take a stab at you and your FH.  If it is still really bothering you after some time, you should sit down and talk to her and tell her how you feel.  Tell her that you wished that she, as a good friend, would be supportive and understand that the wedding is a day to share with your friends but it’s not about HER standing up in front of anyone, it’s for YOU & FH to stand up in front of everyone.

Post # 5
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I don’t know what I would do in this situation, but I just wanted to reach out and say I’m sorry you’re going through this. 🙁 People seem to get so weird about weddings, and I don’t really understand it. I would have suggested just including your good friends in preparations as if they were bridesmaids if they wanted to be included in that way, but she’s already gone and been a pain in the butt about it and now who knows the best way to deal? Ugh.

Post # 6
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

She is being AWFUL and not a friend at all.  She is hurt and is not handling her emotions well.  I think you did everything you CAN do.  I’d still make it clear to her and the other girls that you’d like them to get ready/spend time with you the morning of.  If she chooses NOT to, then it’s her loss.  Hopefully, by the time your wedding is here, some of those hurt feelings will turn into more rational thought on her part.

There are times when good friendships all of a sudden get lopsided and where one friend can treat the other badly.  Since you are seeing a pattern of this behavior, perhaps the emotions you are feeling are also a realization of the loss and mourning of the friendship. 

I’m really sorry you are going through this.  You expect your friends to be supportive and encouraging and it’s heartbreaking when they aren’t.

Post # 7
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

She’s being incredibly selfish, saying her and other friend are getting a limo to make the day special? She needs to realise it’s not her day!

I could understand being upset if you had other friends being bridesmaids but she should be mature enough to realise you’re just having family and it’s not a slight.

Post # 8
21 posts

Wow – why is it that weddings cause such unnecessary issues?  Has this friend been involved in weddings before?  Maybe she’s having trouble understanding your situation from your point of view because she hasn’t really gone through it before. 

I could understand her being upset at first, but then going as far as saying she’s going to make the day special because it wasn’t anymore is definitely unnecessary, In My Humble Opinion..  And especially considering the fact the you’re not askin any other friends to be in the bridal party.

Post # 9
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I am so sorry to hear this!  Isn’t it so wrong that other people start assuming things about “your” wedding?  It’s your choice who you pick for your bridesmaids…not every gal out there that thinks she needs to be recognized.  Sheesh…And it sounds like you have made the perfect decision.  If she’s causing this much drama about not being a bridesmaid, can you imagine the drama she would cause by being a bridesmaid? 


Post # 10
98 posts
Worker bee

Ok, I’m so impressed with you. I have friend exactly like this and I did cave and ask her to be my MOH even though our long friendship has been really one sided for a while.

I sooooo admire you for sticking to your guns and telling her no. I wish wish wish I would have stayed strong like you. I spend a lot of time worrying about what hurtful things she’s going to do/say on my wedding day … She says hurtful things just like your friend. I think you totally did the right thing, if that is any consolation!

Post # 12
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

WOW. This is YOUR wedding– it is not about her, and she is being childish and selfish to be saying the things she said. Notice how nothing she said was about you? It was all about what she is not getting, how SHE is not feeling special, etc. You made it clear that this is not personal, and she has responded inappropriately.

Hopefully she will get over herself and this “cloud” will dissipate long before your wedding day. If she continues to make comments and act hurt, I would gently remind her that this is YOUR wedding day and her lack of support for your decision and her attempts to make you feel guilty are hurtful, and not at all what you would have expected of a friend.

Best of luck!

Post # 13
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

It sounds like you handled it really well.  As your friend, she should be more understanding of your wishes and your decisions.  Hang in there.  Also, you both know how special she is to you, so why does she need your whole wedding guest list to know and acknowledge that?  sounds a little selfish and narcissistic to me.  Surround yourself with people who remind you that the day is about you and your fiance and also about all of the family and friends you’ve chosen to share it and celebrate with…not about her or your relationship.

Post # 14
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree with missrain.  This friend seems to be high maintainence and the fact she would say she is getting a limo, and that she wouldn’t get the recognition….REALLY???  It almost like she wants to be praised for how wonderful she is, and from what you have stated she’s not that wonderful to you.

A true friend would be there for you supporting you regardless of having the title “bridesmaid” I’m oh so upset for you, the audacity to say she won’t get recognition…

**big hugs** I hope everything works out well and she will realize how she is being very petty at the moment.

Post # 15
341 posts
Helper bee

This girl is not your friend.  I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anything so selfish to cause you this pain and drama about “her” time to shine.  She must be so insecure about so much in her life.  I’m sorry.  Please try to find happiness with loved ones that really care.

Post # 16
217 posts
Helper bee

<<HUGS>> It’s tough when people don’t agree with your wedding choices. I know we dealt with a lot of hurt feelings during our planning process.


OK I would completely ENCOURAGE her to get that limo for her and your other friend to ride to the wedding in. It’ll just make her look totally ridiculous. Makes me giggle just thinking about it!

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