(Closed) I am feeling overwhelmed and depressed by the whole thing

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m sure it will all be worth it.

Have you set yourselves a total budget?  That might make it easier on you two, just to know that no matter what happens you won’t spend over that amount. 

Post # 4
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You are not going out of your mind. The entire wedding industry is designed to separate you from as much of your money as it can. There are ridiculous charges for everything, and add-on’s, upgrades and extras every time you turn around. And a lot of it doesn’t make sense— if you’re renting space for a wedding, you’d reckon that your rental fee covers something for the guests to actually sit on!  Only in wedding planning do stupid rules like this exist.

My advice:

1. Spend as little time on WeddingBee as possible. It’s advice that I myself should take. I spend too much time here, and I see how reading other brides’ questions and plans shake my own confidence.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked my Mr some off-the-wall question based on what someone else wrote! So try to tune it out, as much as you can.

2. If you do not have your absolute maximum budget already set, then set it immediately. Knowing how much more money you have to work with will make it a lot easier to decide if an upgrade or an additional expense is “worth” it.  The extra $1.50/person for a chair is hard to quantify in terms of “can we afford it” if you don’t know how much is in the budget

3. Compare upgrades and expenses to each other, in the context of “value added to the experience.”  Is the prettier chair going to make the day more special than, say, an updo?   Drop anything that does not add value.  I dropped favors a long time ago because it’s just money spent on what most guests will throw away anyway.

4. Do not think any vendor is your “friend.”  They may be nice, helpful and professional but they are also in business, and part of their business is figuring out how to get as much money as possible from you.

It is really hard work to plan a wedding, and it’s a lot of details. It CAN absolutely drive you crazy. Don’t let it. Just treat it all like it’s a business, stick to your budget, and it will become a lot easier to decide what’s worth the money and what isn’t.

Post # 7
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

For your chairs, compare the scenario to every wedding you’ve been to. Every event, for that matter. Can you remember the chairs spoiling an event? Can you even remember the chairs at all?if your answer is No (and that is probably your answer, I bet) then there’s your answer on the chair upgrade question.

For the $95 updo…. Are you certain it will survive 45 minutes in the heat and humidity of August in Florida? Will a fancy make-up job last through the ceremony, let alone all day? Will your flowers wilt and die the minute they get a taste of that Florida summer? I’ve been to outdoor ceremonies in Florida in March and May, and I promise not one rose or one hairdo lasted very long! Only you can decide if the 20 minutes of gorgeous hair is worth the money, but definitely factor in each item’s shelf life in 95% humidity and roasting sun.

Do that for every thing you’re unsure about πŸ™‚

Post # 8
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Date twins! I feel like I’m at the exact opposite point from you: I’m so sick of wedding planning that my philosophy is, “If I throw enough money at it, will the problem go away?” (Not a great mindset to have, I know.) But as long as you have an absolute maximum budget, and do NOT let yourself go over it, you will probably feel okay about the money afterwards. Also, not to be greedy, but you might get a lot of money in gifts from your guests! 

Another thing I think that we should remember at this point is to determine whether it actually matters or not. I had so many DIY projects that I was going to do that I have TOTALLY scrapped because I don’t have the time and no one will notice them anyways! 

Post # 10
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly, I did the big wedding thing and I still regret not insisting that we just go to city hall and then invite ~30 people to a restaurant for lunch.  I don’t think it was worth the cost or effort even though we could afford it.  I felt this way from the beginning, but my husband wanted a larger event.  So, we had a larger event, and it was nice, but again not worth it AT ALL.  I would have been happy to be married regardless.

Hang in there.  Eventually it’ll be over and all the bills will be paid!

Post # 11
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

we had a more intimate wedding too.  you’re right, it doesn’t always mean cheaper.  pp have given you good advise.  set a budget and get your priorities in place.  ask yourself what is most important to you.

Post # 14
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@mspartridge:  Weddings are expensive, but you’re being very smart about it, with your DIYs. You’re picking what’s important to you and FI- for some reason it is the stupid little details that trip us up (like the chairs), so likelimeade had great advice to go back and check your lists again, and prioritize- “are people going to remember this/ will it make a difference on their enjoyment of our wedding day?”

Keep calm and plan on! πŸ™‚

Post # 15
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@mspartridge: South Florida is pretty expensive…and when you mention the word “wedding” it cranks up the price. Sucks, I know! On average, a wedding up-do will cost a lot more than $95 ($100-$200) but there are still affordable options out there and very good ones! I’m considering a lady who many brides have recommended me to and she charges $65 for any hairstyle and the makeup artist I booked is charging me $50 everyone in my mom, BMs, and me. I can PM you their info if you are interested!

Post # 16
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I feel you! I’m trying to have a small wedding too, but it’s still a giant chunk of money that we don’t have! ><

One hint i’ve had a few friends do when it comes to hair, is to keep quiet about the fact that you’re a bride, and say you just need an updo! Say it’s for a reunion, or a silly party or something, and the price is almost always lower.


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