(Closed) Thanks for

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

I think that you need to realize that right now everyone is having money issues. If one of the sole providers in the home got laid off, they might have 9 months to save but that doesn’t mean they have extra money to travel. Plane tickets in themselves are expensive let alone, food, car rental, gas, etc. It sounds like your being unfair to these people. I understand that you want them there but people are having a tough time right now and they could be anticipating that something might need to be fixed or replaced and prefer to make sure their home is intact before they spend extra money on a trip that is important but not necessary. You have a lot of time left before your wedding(if that is your correct date). People do still have time to save up. You can’t force people to do things and you can’t expect them to put your wedding before everything in their lives.

Post # 4
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Parents, siblings… I think they should do everything they can possibly do to be there. Other than that I think you’re fighting a losing battle. Everyone has to protect their own families first. If its going to cost you $500 (at a minimum for two people, and probably much more) to attend a wedding, + gift, + babysitter or whatever…. that is a LOT of money. Thats 500-1000 they can’t spend on something else. I don’t expect my extended family to choose between my wedding and home repairs, kids expenses, or their own (much needed i’m sure) family vacations. Be grateful for those that common, and graciously accept declines from those who cant. 

Post # 5
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Sorry to break it to you, but money is tight for everyone. Maybe your guests want to save their money in case someone gets laid off/emergency expenses/etc. When your date gets closer, they’ll probably buy the ticket if they have the money…but “saving up” isn’t the issue. EVERYONE is having money issues, and weddings are kind of a frivolous expense (no offense). In addition to airfare, food, etc. they’ll be getting you a gift, too. It’s expensive. Please try to understand that instead of thinking no one is trying to come to your wedding. It’s probably that they just CAN’T.

Post # 6
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m going to agree with MsBrooklynA on this one too.  Just because someone has had a year’s notice of an event, doesn’t mean that in that year they haven’t gone into thousands of dollars worth of debt because of hard times, and are willing to go into hundreds of dollars more to attend a family wedding.  It’s just not reasonable.  While I totally understand you wanting to have family and friends there, you can’t expect them to put your wedding travel expenses above food and shelter for their family.

Post # 7
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It’s tough when your family can’t come due to money issues or schedule issues.  You just need to remember that your wedding is about you and your Fiance.  You’re celebrating your love!  Be happy that you found the person of your dreams 🙂  After the wedding, if people couldn’t come, send them pictures so they know what they missed out on.

Post # 8
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

If it means that much to you, you send them the plane tickets.  Let’s see how much money you have.  Would you be able to travel across country or even over a few states 9 months ago?  Probably not since you are saving for a wedding.  Cut people some slack.  If someone means that much you to you that they can’t be at your wedding then set up a Skype account and Skype your wedding so they can see it over the internet & you will be able to still talk to them at the wedding.

Post # 9
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I know it sucks to hear that from your family. I’ve been there! We sent out save the dates and are already hearing from aunts/uncles that they won’t be able to make it. While it makes me sort of bummed, I don’t blame them. People just don’t have the money sometimes, even if you think they do!

Post # 10
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I totally understand Brooklyn’s response and for those guests (as I have some with this issue) I have ABSOLUTELY no issues. I mean if I were in their situation I would feel sad too that I couldn’t make it.  But… yes Tesse I am having the same issues… The most amusing one is a friend I have known for 20 years.  I have been there for her through everything (and let me say… she has had some drama).  She is currently living in Europe.  Which is really hard and I know that the ticket would be about $700.  But she said yes when she got the STD and then a few months before the wedding she said she couldn’t come.  Just what seemed like days after that she posted on facebook weekends in Spain and Morocco.  I think I counted like 8 last minute trips abroad since she found out about the wedding.  When it comes down to it you just have to realize that the people who really care about you would move mountains to come to your wedding… and in the end those are the people you want to be there.  Not just a gaggle you have to feed and water then more than likely you won’t stay friends with in 5 years.  So look at it a little differently, let people show their true colors and realize that it all comes down to you and your Fiance. 

Post # 11
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think people love to complain but the important ones will indeed be there for you!  If they’re not or can’t be sure to send them a photo or the link and a nice Christmas card saying you hope to see them soon!

Post # 12
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I totally understand where you are coming from!  Family is extremely important to Darling Husband and I (and has always been super important to my whole extended family) and I can’t even imagine my wedding day without my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins!  To us, it WASN’T just about Darling Husband and I – it was about the joining together of us and our families.

Other posters can talk all they want about hard times / the economy / etc but not everyone is struggling and I’m sure you know who in your family is and isn’t (I know I sure do with mine).  And even my aunt and uncle and two cousins where my uncle has been laid off for two years, family income cut in half, and my uncle and one cousin are both in college having to pay tuition now all attended and got us a gift.

You’d like to think your family would make the effort to celebrate with you in one of the most important events of your life-to-date and it is hurtful when they don’t even try.

Post # 13
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

As someone who just had to RSVP no for a wedding and bar mitzvah, I understand where they’re coming from. Of course I want to be there, I’m sad that I’m going to miss it, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

Post # 14
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yes, I agree with everyone else on this. You have to be understanding. They may not have it in their budget. I can sympathize with the guest, especially if they let you know well in advance. I’m having this issue, but with people who say they are going to come, then 1 month before, say they can’t because it’s too expensive. They didn’t take advantage of the Group hotel rate or flights. I’m at the point where I’m just like “oh well”. There’s nothing you can do.

Post # 15
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Unless I was a member the immediate family, OR extremely close emotionally, I would definitely decline any invitation that involved significant expenses like plane travel, hotels, etc.

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