I am going insane!

posted 2 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Hi Bee!

I feel the same. I also had my own thread about it, and our wedding is less than two weeks away and on top of everything I’m dealing now with severe anxiety.

Normally I like to plan and to organize and in our relationship it’s normally me doing the things related ot it. I had about 9 months to plan and to save for our wedding. I think 8 months is enough, but I’ve read that a lot of brides begin more than a year in advance. In my opinion it’s totally ok to feel like you feel. I mean, out of a sudden one has to organize this mega event, dealing with everyone that wants to have a say, the costs, things not working and on top of that it is such an emotionally loaded event, so theres more pressure. This is such a huge thing that there are professionals out there, doing exclusively just that: planning events and now we’re supposed to do that still having our normal lives and work. What you could do is trying to see if there are things someone else could do. Like your husband, mother, sisters, friends… To take some of the pressure off of your shoulders. Or plan days on which you only look at wedding stuff and have days when you’re not going to think about it.

I’m not living in my country, but in my husbands, so it was even more difficult to find everything and deal with culture differences. And then there are the persons telling me that this is a beatuiful time and that I should enjoy and that they would like to get married again. And I’m just like: what? And I started to think that something is wrong with me. But I came to the conclusion that for me wedding planning is just crazy and stressful and not enjoyable at all. Period. And I as well am looking forward for it being over. Just stay in there and eventually it will all be over *hug*

Post # 3
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

All of this!!!!! I was super excited about planning up until recently. I still get bouts of real excitement, but a lot of the luster has been lost for me. Im just tired of having to justify every choice I make to my Future Mother-In-Law, my Mother, and well, just EVERYONE.

My FMIL actually got mad at me for wanting to have an unplugged ceremony. How dare I not allow guests to take pictures?! (She did settle down once I mentioned the fact that everyones faces would be obstructed by devices in my very expensive professional photos) But it honestly feels like I have to justify every decision I make, even if it is something simple.

Try to focus on the big day and how everythign will come together! And one big thing that has helped me is: Take a break! It is OK ti take a weekend off of plannign and just focus on yourself or go on a date night or jsut be lazy on the couch! Sometimes a weekend of just putting it all out of your brain can do wonders!

L3Xii92 :  

Post # 4
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Yes!! It is such a rollercoaster. I’m about 1.5 months into our 8.5 month-long engagement and I so feel you already, bee. I’m super pumped one day and then absolutely loathe the process the next day and feel discouraged.

I’m not sure if it’s “normal” but I guess when you think about the fact that you have to make 4537543953748 micro-decisions in a short amount of time that involve money, family dynamics, dreams, and stress…it totally makes sense. I’m basically pushing to get the planning done as much as possible up front so I can enjoy the last few months of “just being engaged.”

I wanted this “perfect” planning process where my SO and I agreed on everything and it just didn’t happen, which I think has been a huge part of why I hate this process. I’m trying to see the silver lining in it that we’re in this ultra-intense situation where I have an opporunity to learn even better ways to communicate with my SO than before (even though we always though we had that on lock)…so long-term growth.

What’s helped me is trying to remember that no matter what I do, I’m going to offend someone, so I might as well do what’s best for us. I’ve also tried forcing myself to go to bed early a couple of nights since I seem to wake up at like 4AM buzzing about wedding plans…which has helped…and also turning off my phone/computer and just watching some mindless TV to give my brain a break :).

Post # 5
Member
2356 posts
Buzzing bee

I feel the same way.  I think it’s normal.  It’s a big emotional day, you’re spending a lot of time/money/energy making it beautiful, and want it to be as perfect as possible.

My SO and I have butted heads over some of the creative choices, which has been frustrating especially since I am the one who has done most of the research and my SO has been less than willing to invest time into wedding planning. She just prefers to wait until I suggest something or present her with a few options to choose from, then tells me she doesn’t like any of them.  (I had to start giving her deadlines.. ie, “Ok, you don’t like these options. We’re in a time crunch so unless you can give me another option in the next week, we have to go with one of these 3 florists.”)

Try to take a break from the planning if possible. I promise, taking a weekend off and not thinking about anything related to the wedding will really help!

Post # 9
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I feel this way. I feel like….people who are normally sane have lost their minds? And the insane people in my life are really leaning into that. 

my mother asked me what I would think about her wearing this dress: https://www.eshakti.com/shop/Dresses/Elastic-waist-chiffon-blouson-maxi-dress-CL0060856

my mother is not usually a completely insane person. This is the  completely appropriate dress she thought might “compete” with my dress (bc my dress has flower embroidery on it): https://www.macys.com/shop/product/calvin-klein-lace-sheath-dress?ID=7654794&CategoryID=80924#fn=sp%3D1%26spc%3D92%26ruleId%3D78%26searchPass%3DexactMultiMatch%26slotId%3D55

My friend said it would cost too much for him and his wife to attend so what did I think about him and his son. Which is the same amount of plane fare and included the issue that children aren’t invited to our ceremony, which he already knew. He’s a normal guy and he’s a close friend. he later got sane and decided it would be just him, but like…people keep pulling me into their crazy moments early before they wise back up again. and it makes me feel infected with crazy. 

my father lost his mind at one point  in the fall about what would happen if my cousin and I got married on the exact same day because we didn’t check in and his only brother (who is almost certainly not coming to my wedding) couldn’t come. My cousin is getting married in August. I’m getting married in april. My brother on the other hand is getting married in august, the week after my cousin, my dad has not said a thing to him.

My in laws…well I can’t even. Early on in wedding planning my Father-In-Law told me that my preferences were “meaningless and vacuous”. He also is still trying to get permission to use a camera during our ceremony, which I have banned and I reluctantly agreed to letting him do the reception if he gets in no one’s way. This is a man who once slammed on the brakes while driving in the middle of the night to take flash photos out the window of stangers having a party in their garage and front lawn. He never said a word to them, they were quite startled. as were the 3-4 cars behind him who had planned to drive down that street. 

Anyway, its not been a lot of fun. I keep pointing out we still have a window to elope in. One of my mantras is “no extra work”. We’re ditching any fiddly details that people might choose to have a  wedding, and if something isn’t a big deal to me, someone else needs to take it or it’s not happening. Like blocks of hotel rooms or favors. I don’t care about these, these seem like lots of extra work, for marginal return, and I think everyone going is an adult, so if someone cares, its on them. That’s solving a lot of stuff- my mom started fretting about how people will find parking, and I said “great write up the instructions, send them to me and I’ll put them on the webpage”. You know for a thing she worried at me about for 45 minutes, she has yet to do the write up. 

but yeah, I”m losing my mind a bit. Its nice to have friends. 

Post # 10
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Maybe block one day off a week (or whatever you need) as “no wedding planning” days? Do something fun with your fiancé but ban any wedding talk on those days. Maybe with some room to breath you will both be more willing to compromise. 

Post # 11
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

 

19mattituck :  I’m so sorry that I actually had to laugh at what you wrote. But I feel the same. Some things they ask us, are just so ridicilous. Our wedding is one week away and everything is set and the seats asigned. And yesterday an uncle of my fiance asked if they can have a pass for their nanny (we gave out passes with the number of people allowed, because they are limited). At every event they actually have their nanny with them. I mean, why would you even want to bring your toddler with you to a wedding? But ok, I get if you want yoru child to be with you. But then care for it. Otherwise, the nanny can stay at home with their child. Not that the toddler is even going to enjoy it.

And my mum as well suddenly asks about details and stuff that will sort them out on its own anyway. And I have so many other things to think about that I don’t even want to spend a thought on those things. And it’s just pressuring me.

We should have eloped and not done all of this crazyness. I really don’t care about it anymore. But well, just one week to go hahaha

Post # 12
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2019

bellabelle12 : all you can really do is just hang in there and hope it’s funny later, right? I hope your fiancé is being supportive. 

Post # 13
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

19mattituck :  You’re completely right. And yes, he is, we’re one the same side and he has told them sometimes to back off, as he knows that I feel I can’t say anything, as it is not my family, but feel pressured.

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