Post # 1
My FI and I wanted to have a small ceremony with just drinks after to celebrate and that’s it. Because of family pressure we decided to have a cocktail reception. This has now spun out of control.
My FIL is scared it’s going to look cheap and INSISTED he pay for the extras that we didn’t want. A DJ, couches and new cocktail tables (there were tables at the reception hall we wanted to use) he hired a cantor for the ceremony to sing, he also pushed his gf’s friend who is a wedding planner on us telling us not to worry she will decorate and take care of flowers so we don’t have to worry. We kept telling him we didn’t want all of this but he would get upset and say it was his pleasure and not to mention it again.
Fast forward a month to the wedding, he brings us a bill of 9000$ and says he wants us to give him our wedding presents to help cover the costs. I KNEW this would happen and even had a fight w FI about it. I told him I didn’t want his help because he always has another agenda. My FIL also took it upon himself since he was paying for most of it to invite 10 more ppl we don’t even know to our wedding. 10 ppl is significant because the total amount of guests we are having is 50. This is all close family and friends so to add 10 ppl we don’t know will change the atmosphere we wanted.
I don’t know what to do right now. I’m fuming. I knew this would happen and now not only are we not getting the wedding we wanted but we must use our gifts to pay for it.
Any advice would be great..
Post # 3
@octoberbaby: Elope. It’s your wedding not his. No way you should give him your wedding presents. If I was a guest and purchased a gift for you then heard the FIL was the one who actually got it I would be pretty angry.
Post # 4
Hell.no. You don’t HAVE to do anything. Tell him to cancel everything he planned or HE pays for it. Stand up to him. That’s not fair to you newlyweds to have to fork over your wedding gifts to cover what HE wanted.
Then kick him in the balls.
Post # 5
Uh I would not be giving him any $ that is for damn sure!
Post # 6
@octoberbaby: DO NOT GIVE HIM YOUR WEDDING GIFTS. HE is being a jackass, having the wedding HE wants, and wants you to pay him back for it. I DON’T EFFING THINK SO. You tell him listen up FIL, YOU wanted this extravagant wedding, and extra guests. YOU can pay for it, and if you don’t like it, we will be hosting the wedding the way WE want it, your extra guests can kick rocks, and we don’t need your money. End of conversation.
Post # 7
Ahh this makes my blood boil for you! Definitely do not give him a dime, and tell him if he can’t pay for it, then cancel it and do the wedding YOU want. Good luck and I hope it works out!
Post # 8
You and your FI have to stan up for yourselves. This is ridiculous, how did he get so involved? It’s not his party. And if he offered to pay for it, it is so rude and humiliating to then ask you for the money/gifts to reimburse him. Cancel everything and do what you want.
Post # 9
You have every right to be angry! He’s being cheap and forced something on you that you didn’t want. Either you have the wedding that you wanted or he pays for what he wants.
And, it’s possible that you won’t even get enough to cover the bill. We for sure didn’t get that much from our 45 guests.
Post # 10
@octoberbaby: What does your fiance think?
Post # 11
@figgnewton: LOL at ‘then kick him in the balls.’ Thanks for making me laugh on this seemingly neverending Friday afternoon 🙂
Post # 12
@octoberbaby: That is absurd. I would tell him he can cancel the services, that you never asked for- and attempt to get his money back. It is not your responsbility. I understand taht weddings are a family event and some people “must have” certain elements if their family/friends are coming- but then they should pay for them! And that is it!
Post # 13
@octoberbaby: Wow!!! He wants your gifts?! I would be fuming too! My dad offered to pay for everything and my mom wanted to invite the whole family. I don’t even talk to my family. And my dad was inviting 10 ppl too. His friends. And we originally wanted a simple, small, backyard wedding with like 15 ppl. It ended up being close to 100. I cancelled everything and now FI and I are eloping. Just the two of us.
Post # 14
So what does your fiancé say about all this?
Post # 15
I agree with the others. Just tell him if he can’t pay for it, to cancel it. You never asked for it anyways. Then, I’d either plan the wedding I originally intended, or elope. Those gifts are for YOU AND YOUR FIANCE, not to finance a wedding.
Post # 16
I agree with PPs, you need to either elope, cancel it all and do it your way, or stand up to him and say that he offered to pay with no strings attached and he should honour this.
Whatever you do, do not give him your wedding gifts.
I am not saying that money can only be given as a gift nor that it must always be paid back, every circumstance is different. But what I do think is that any expectations of what will happen in this regard must be made clear and understood by all parties involved before any money is given. Your FIL did not do this and, therefore, you do not owe them anything. At the end of the day it was his decision to spend all the money and I would get your fiancé to tell him this. You and your fiancé need to be united on this front and he should support you and you him.
I hope it all works out.