(Closed) I am going to resent my future FIL for a long time..

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 32
18 posts
  • Wedding: November 2004

OP- Watch out at the reception, I bet Father-In-Law will take it upon himself to “help” you with your gifts and cards at the reception hall. I can see him just stealing them from you, either as the reception goes on or at the end claiming to “help” you get them home.  Plus, he will probably go around the reception making comments about how much it is costing him to your guests.


Did you ask Father-In-Law if you and the groom get to open the gifts first or does he plan to? Does Father-In-Law intend to keep the paper cards with love and best wishes or only the cash, checks, and gift cards in them? Is this really costing Father-In-Law $9000, or is it $4000 in actual costs with Father-In-Law adding $5000 for his time, effort, and input?



Post # 33
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@octoberbaby:  WHAT!?!?! I got sooo pissed reading this. Your Future Father-In-Law is controlling and I would suggest canceling the entire thing and not telling him your new plans until the last minute. Don’t let him bully you!

Post # 34
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

This was so unbelievable I actually burst out laughing when you said he wanted you to him your wedding gifts– WTF!???!!  Ohhh I’m sorry bee– ignore him and elope.

Post # 35
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’d elope and cancel the whole damn thing.

Post # 36
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m commenting for the sheer fact that I want to know what your Fiance said about all of this.

Post # 37
9391 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

As embarassing as it might be, I’d cancel the whole thing and elope. This guy obviously has issues.

Post # 38
1768 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

u have never answered  several pp have asked: WHAT DOES YOUR FIANCE THINK OF HIM ASKING FOR YOUR GIFTS?

Post # 39
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I went to a wedding with a similar situation (things being forced on bride that she didn’t want for the wedding… and then her family turning around and wanting a ‘cut’ of all gifts to compensate them for contributions that they tried to refuse in the first place)

The bride and groom had very close friends (read.. my Fiance and his entire family.. which equals a small army) take every single gift out to a car and lock it during the reception so there wasn’t a chance for a single thing to disappear (we also put a lock on the card box and left it in very plain sight so nothing could… vanish)

Lock the stuff up… and don’t give in to his ‘requests’ for you to give him compensation.

Post # 40
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

NOPE. I agree with the previous posters, tell him to either pay for it on his own, CANCEL IT BECAUSE IT’S NOT WHAT YOU WANTED AND HE INSISTED HE’D PAY FOR IT, or threaten him with legal action if he tries to get you to pay for anything/hand over your GIFTS. 

Post # 41
224 posts
Helper bee

Just commenting to say, I am with everyone else here. Cancel everything and do what you wanted/elope or put you foot down hard. Do NOT let him get away with this! 

(also wanting to know what your Fiance has to say about his own father acting like this.)

Post # 42
1493 posts
Bumble bee

@octoberbaby:  omg no, what is wrong with this Man? That is one of the most bizarre things I have heard on the bee from a Father-In-Law. tell him to cancel all his plans, you will have the wedding YOU guys wanted and you still very much hope he attends. WOW

Post # 43
4839 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014


Let him have his party if he wants.   Your wedding has turned into his party.  NO way should you or your Fiance support that.

If he gets away with this, I’d worry what he might try to take over next.


Post # 44
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Oh man, I’d tell him he can take his bill and eat it! Do not give him a cent! That'[s crazy!

Post # 45
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@octoberbaby:  I have advise. Tell him no. 

if I read your story correctly, he offered/insisted to pay for things for the wedding that he alone wanted and never mentioned using your wedding gifts to reimburse him untigall the things that he wanted were ordered, correct? 

Yeah, no.

dont let him guilt or manipulate you. hid any of the shit he wanted can be cancelled then cancel it. He can uninvited the guests he invited. If its too late? That’s on him.  I feel for your fiancé because I’m sure he’ll feel guilty and like he needs to defend his Dad so don’t go on a rant to him. remind your fiancé calmly that his father insisted on paying for things neither of you asked for let alone wanted and that it is unfair of him to now demand you use your gifts to pay for them and that you feel your answer should be to remind his Dad oaf these facts and tell hoimail the answer is no.

yes, his Dad will pitch a fit. But neither of you should allow that to intimidate you into capitulating to his demands UNLESS its worth the money to keep the peace. For me, it wouldn’t be. I don’t like being played and manipulated.

good luck and let us know what happens.


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