Post # 32
OP- Watch out at the reception, I bet Father-In-Law will take it upon himself to “help” you with your gifts and cards at the reception hall. I can see him just stealing them from you, either as the reception goes on or at the end claiming to “help” you get them home. Plus, he will probably go around the reception making comments about how much it is costing him to your guests.
Did you ask Father-In-Law if you and the groom get to open the gifts first or does he plan to? Does Father-In-Law intend to keep the paper cards with love and best wishes or only the cash, checks, and gift cards in them? Is this really costing Father-In-Law $9000, or is it $4000 in actual costs with Father-In-Law adding $5000 for his time, effort, and input?
Post # 33
@octoberbaby: WHAT!?!?! I got sooo pissed reading this. Your Future Father-In-Law is controlling and I would suggest canceling the entire thing and not telling him your new plans until the last minute. Don’t let him bully you!
Post # 34
This was so unbelievable I actually burst out laughing when you said he wanted you to him your wedding gifts– WTF!???!! Ohhh I’m sorry bee– ignore him and elope.
Post # 35
I’d elope and cancel the whole damn thing.
Post # 36
I’m commenting for the sheer fact that I want to know what your Fiance said about all of this.
Post # 37
As embarassing as it might be, I’d cancel the whole thing and elope. This guy obviously has issues.
Post # 38
u have never answered several pp have asked: WHAT DOES YOUR FIANCE THINK OF HIM ASKING FOR YOUR GIFTS?
Post # 39
I went to a wedding with a similar situation (things being forced on bride that she didn’t want for the wedding… and then her family turning around and wanting a ‘cut’ of all gifts to compensate them for contributions that they tried to refuse in the first place)
The bride and groom had very close friends (read.. my Fiance and his entire family.. which equals a small army) take every single gift out to a car and lock it during the reception so there wasn’t a chance for a single thing to disappear (we also put a lock on the card box and left it in very plain sight so nothing could… vanish)
Lock the stuff up… and don’t give in to his ‘requests’ for you to give him compensation.
Post # 40
NOPE. I agree with the previous posters, tell him to either pay for it on his own, CANCEL IT BECAUSE IT’S NOT WHAT YOU WANTED AND HE INSISTED HE’D PAY FOR IT, or threaten him with legal action if he tries to get you to pay for anything/hand over your GIFTS.
Post # 41
Just commenting to say, I am with everyone else here. Cancel everything and do what you wanted/elope or put you foot down hard. Do NOT let him get away with this!
(also wanting to know what your Fiance has to say about his own father acting like this.)
Post # 42
@octoberbaby: omg no, what is wrong with this Man? That is one of the most bizarre things I have heard on the bee from a Father-In-Law. tell him to cancel all his plans, you will have the wedding YOU guys wanted and you still very much hope he attends. WOW
Post # 43
Let him have his party if he wants. Your wedding has turned into his party. NO way should you or your Fiance support that.
If he gets away with this, I’d worry what he might try to take over next.
Post # 44
Oh man, I’d tell him he can take his bill and eat it! Do not give him a cent! That'[s crazy!
Post # 45
@octoberbaby: I have advise. Tell him no.
if I read your story correctly, he offered/insisted to pay for things for the wedding that he alone wanted and never mentioned using your wedding gifts to reimburse him untigall the things that he wanted were ordered, correct?
dont let him guilt or manipulate you. hid any of the shit he wanted can be cancelled then cancel it. He can uninvited the guests he invited. If its too late? That’s on him. I feel for your fiancé because I’m sure he’ll feel guilty and like he needs to defend his Dad so don’t go on a rant to him. remind your fiancé calmly that his father insisted on paying for things neither of you asked for let alone wanted and that it is unfair of him to now demand you use your gifts to pay for them and that you feel your answer should be to remind his Dad oaf these facts and tell hoimail the answer is no.
yes, his Dad will pitch a fit. But neither of you should allow that to intimidate you into capitulating to his demands UNLESS its worth the money to keep the peace. For me, it wouldn’t be. I don’t like being played and manipulated.
good luck and let us know what happens.
Post # 46
Hey bees… long wknd sorry about not responding.
Friday was an overall BAD day. Lots of tears and fighting. Of course revolving all around my Future Father-In-Law.
Since I pretty much am not having a say in anything, I was planning a surpise for when I walk down the aisle. My Fiance and I picked a song we wanted to play and instead of just getting it to play on an ipod or whatever I was in the process of hiring a violinist to play it. My Fiance loves the violin and it would have been very beautiful. My Future Father-In-Law instead hired a cantor to sing because he wants specific songs sung. I had pleaded with him not to and I told him infront of FI that I was planning a surprise. Fiance had told him to get a quote and we could deicde later… quote never came.. Anyway so he hired one and at this point I’m so exhausted about fighting that I accepted it. I know I know my fault but I’m extremely non-confrontational and I didn’t want to cause a fuss. I did my FI that it hurt my feelings and that this wasn’t even feeling like our wedding, more like his fathers. He keeps on pressing that he doesn’t care about the details and all he wants is to get married. And I get that, I really wish I thought the same because I would be avoiding a lot of pain and anger.
So Friday was spent fighting about the fact that I feel like I have no say and I’m going to show up not knowing anything that’s happening, I have no idea what songs are being sung or what it will sound like when I’m walking down the aisle.. I don’t want to be selfish but I feel weird about it. Finally when we decided to forget our fight and move past it, Fiance drops the bomb about his dad telling him that he wants some of our wedding gifts to help pay for everything.
I told him that it was ridiculous and I KNEW it was going to happen and he said that he already got in a huge fight with his father and he didn’t want to fight with me about it. We had already fought a lot that day about him. So I got home and he said that we’re going to continue going as is and he will deal with him after the wedding and not to worry he wasn’t going to get a penny of our gifts. So all in all I wish I had a more concreate understanding as to what was happening but I don’t.
I don’t want to elope and cancel everything, in the end, yes I want to marry my Fiance and move on. This is pretty much a nightmare and I just want it to be over. I’m just nervous about what the future holds with my Future Father-In-Law…
Thank you for your support, I really appreciate it all