I am going to resent my future FIL for a long time..

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 62
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@octoberbaby:  Seriously? Why are you letting your Future Father-In-Law dictate how YOUR wedding will be done? Cancel this wedding and have a meaningful wedding that you and Fiance plan. Furthermore, your Fiance should be standing up to his dad for you. It’s a shame that he isn’t.

 

Post # 63
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

 I agree with PP stand up to this jerk NOW or you will be leaving the door open for him to walk all over you forever. As for the gift table. Get a lock box or some kind of box that you can lock and leave the key somewhere only you and Fiance know about. I would not listen to your planner and have someone standing around collecting envelopes..

Post # 65
Member
1504 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

This is crazy on so many levels! I am so sorry that you are going through this. I agree that you need a lock box for your envelopes and will have to have someone watch the gift table 🙁

Post # 66
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2014

This is setting a bad precedent. If your Fiance doesn’t stand up to his father now, what will it be like if you have children (if that’s your desire, of course)? Will he bully his way into you raising your child like he wants? Or what about if you don’t want to buy a home where he wants you to buy a home? They say wedding planning is one of your first real chances to see how you and your fiance work as a team (or something like that). I would be furious with my fiance for being this complacent.  Of course, although I don’t like confrontation either, I probably wouldn’t let it go this far.  But at the very least make sure your fiance follows through with not letting your Future Father-In-Law get your gifts!!

 

Hope everything works out!!

Post # 67
Member
3400 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@octoberbaby:  Umm, what a d*ck!

If the expenses are in your FFIL’s name, let him eat the money! I would NOT give him the gift money. Screw that!

If he decided not to pay, then the vendors that you didn’t want in the first place won’t show up, but then at least he will be the one to find himself in small claims court or with a bad credit score & not you!

Furthermore, regardless of your decision, I would make sure he knew the error of his ways by ripping him a new a$$hole. It’s so uncalled for to offer to pay for things that your child & his Fiance don’t even want at their wedding, but to go on to invite 1/5th more guests/strangers to their wedding & then hand them part of the bill? Totally jacked up.

((hugs!))

Post # 68
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Make sure you get a card box with a lock on it so your Future Father-In-Law doesn’t get his hands on it!

Post # 69
Member
2195 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

@octoberbaby:  Whaaat, that’s crazy. It’s simple though, you and your Fiance or just Fiance tell him “NO. We told you we didn’t want all of this, you insisted. We are not giving you our presents, that’s f*cking crazy.” You can leave out the last part.

But just be straight up no about it.

Post # 71
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

The man is freaking nuts. Tell him to cancel HIS wedding plans and do as you originally planned or as others suggested, elope. To ask for YOUR wedding presents is totally out of line. If he refuses to cancel – elope, invite some of your dearest friends to tag along and leave him standing at the reception venue with the 10 people HE invited and they can have a good old time all by themselves. I am really hoping your Fiance is not seriously thinking of insisting on going along with this idiotic plan.

Post # 72
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m so sorry this has happened to you but I agree with the PP’s about having your own private wedding moved to a different locale and just update the guests coming so they will know, and gift tables and card boxes aren’t something you “don’t do”.  You do do them, and I agree with the others that I think your Future Father-In-Law may have tipped her off to what his plans are and I think you should just remove yourself from all of that.  I know I couldn’t be happy on my wedding day if all of this had happened and my Future Father-In-Law had planned it the way he wanted it and then tried to stick me with a $9000 bill.

Just be careful..

Post # 73
Member
1381 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@octoberbaby:  you need to stand up for yourself not to your Father-In-Law but to your Fiance. He is letting his dad steamroll you on your wedding because he doesn’t care. Fuck that. You care, and he needs to care about how you feel and what you want, whether he cares on his own behalf or not! HE needs to pay down the law with his father and wrest back control of the wedding. You are rightfully upset and his response is telling you to get over it because he doesn’t want to deal with it? HE NEEDS TO STAND UP FOR YOU. And this isn’t just about the wedding. As pp said, he needs to stand up for you now or there will be more bullying from your Future Father-In-Law in the future.

Post # 74
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@octoberbaby:  you don’t want to be SELFISh? This is YOUR wedding!

 

Its the husbands job to handle his own parents and he needs to put his foot down. Being I entirely nonconfrontational will only make you miserable and resentful. You DESERVE the wedding you want! And if you have a wedding planner she does what YOU say. Get some backbone or you’ll wind up with huge regrets. 

Post # 75
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree with the other posters saying that you’re setting yourself up to be bullied by your Future Father-In-Law in the future. Apparently your fiance won’t stand up for you two, which if I were you I’d be furious about. And since he won’t, you need to grow a backbone and stand up for yourself now. You don’t want this to be the story of your life.

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