- 6 months ago
I won’t get into it for reasons of brevity, but my inlaws did not behave well in the lead up to my wedding. Quite frankly, both my husband and I agree that they were awful. They caused a lot of emotional drama, and additional and unnecessary expense. I didn’t love them before their antics in the lead up to the wedding, as they are often cruel and like to ask for ridiculous things. However, now I truly cannot stand them. The sound of my mother in law’s voice literally makes me feel ill. We have put off a trip to visit their home country for a year. Before their antics, we were making plans to come for a visit and a traditional wedding, but I flat out refused to go. As a compromise, we put off everything for a year to give me time to cool down, and for my husband and I to put some coping strategies in place to handle his parents. (They think the delay was due to immigration issues.)
However, almost a year later, I still feel really, really angry. His parents called this morning to discuss the traditional wedding, and I hid in the bedroom feeling sick. I do not want to go. AT ALL. The worst thing is, once upon a time, I would have lept at this opportunity. It should be a dream come true. My feeling also come across when we talk about his mother or father. I roll my eyes, change the subject or get angry. They didn’t even say anything offensive today. They were actually being pleasant and I STILL felt so, so angry.
My husband has asked me to let the past go. He has promised me he will have my back when we go, address bad behavoir in real time, and create distance between me and his parents. We really do have to go on this trip because its important to my husband, and other nice family members who I truly care about. (Thankfully, not everyone is his family is awful.) I am really trying, but I don’t seem to be able to move past my anger. I think a large part of my anger stems from the fact that his mother has been so mean about my physical flaws, and her criticism has actually worked its way into my pshyche. For example, apparently, I have crows feet (which I wasn’t self concious about before) but am now.
Is there anyway to move on so I’m less angry at them any time I think of them? I thought with time and distance, I would cool down. Any coping mechanisms other bees have to deal with toxic inlaws? I really would like to have a cordial relationship with them, even if we will never be close.