(Closed) I am in dire need of help. Seriously.

posted 4 years ago in Christian
Post # 2
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

First and foremost, I think your mother has a point. You are young and the best (in my opinion) is to build your career, save money, and focus on yourself. Establish who you are as an individual and gain some financial stability before rushing into marriage. You’ve known this man for a year and you’ve already had so many tough issues, which marriage won’t “fix”. I understand a lot of your problems are directly related to your parents. It seems they’ve got a lot of control over you both. I don’t agree with their reasonings to not get married because of what others will think. Who cares what the neighbors say? Who cares that you are of different cultures? I understand it’s a huge challenge but I don’t think those things should hold you back from being married eventually if you truly love each other. Your parents have too much say in your lives… Which is another reason I think you both need to be financially independent before getting married.

Why is it you can’t both move abroad without being married first? Both leave the country with a “single” status, but remain in a relationship? And once you both get settled, you can marry then? If you are doubting this so much, don’t rush into marriage. It doesn’t mean you need to break up but don’t let papers and moving abroad push you into something you aren’t ready for.

FWIW, this is coming from a girl who has been with her husband since 17 years old, now 26. I’m not saying you are too young to be in this relationship or you should give up on it. But I think the marriage should be given more thought right now.

Post # 4
Member
2318 posts
Buzzing bee

Your relationship seems to have many issues that marriage will not fix.  All the drama seems to stem from a lack of independence (both you and your FI).  If your families do not approve they can make life very difficult and you do not seem to be in a position to do the things you want to do without their help.  It also seems like you are rushing into this marriage.  All relationships have challenges but at this point with you wanting to work overseas your lives may be going in different directions.  This marriage may be something you want, but honestly do not need at the moment.  

Post # 5
Member
361 posts
Helper bee

I will say that there is no reason at all that you cannot do everything your mother wants for you while married.  Can you not further your career while in the UAE with your husband?  Can you not make a good life as a professional woman while your husband is beside you?  I don’t quite understand why she thinks you cannot achieve great things with your husband.  And he is already your husband, right?  I think I read correctly that you are married.  It makes no sense to leave him behind now.  You are married and his opportunites are greater there as yours are.

Post # 7
Member
8454 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

iamclaire:  

I’m not quite sure what this means

 “By the way, they’re pure Catholics and I’m the only one Christian in the family”   since  Catholics  are  Christians, but I guess that’s not the point of your post .

Perhaps this is not to the point either,  but if  I was a Philipina contemplating   going to  the UAE I would never, under any circumstances,  go without the name and protection and continued  presence of a husband…………

 

Post # 8
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I understand the struggle of having your family getting way too involved in your relationship, I’m from Guam which has a similar culture to the Philippines. For a long time my family pressured me into focusing on myself and school so I listened and did everything they wanted. Then my boyfriend who I was with since highschool joined the navy a year before I graduated college and left to be in the US. That was the hardest year of my life, I struggled with depression and everything. Right after I graduated he asked me if I wanted to get married so we could be together (this meant I couldn’t stay on Guam and get a higher college degree) because it was so difficult. Long story short, I basically went against everything my family said and did what made me happy. 
Don’t let your family rule your life, if you know he’s the one for you don’t let it go so easily..I know how Filipino families are (I’m also half Filipina). Everyone thinks they know whats best but only you and your fiance can make that decision since you’re the one’s who are going to be married.I HATE how in a lot of asian families they’re so concerned about what other people will say, like “They got married young because she’s pregnant”. My family said the same thing because I got married when I was 20…you’re not alone.

If I were you I’d just get married, and really talk to both of your mother’s about the living arrangements and see if you can come to an agreement on you guys living together until you can leave. If not then I’d just put up with it until we could leave and get away from them.
Sorry for the long comment, I hope everything works out for you in the end 🙂

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