I am in early 30s and still virgin

posted 2 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 16
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Don’t be ashamed at being a Virgin at 30. It’s really no big deal. 

Since you’ve waited this long, I highly recommend having sex with someone you’re at least in love with and not some one night stand just to get rid of it. 

Post # 17
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Good on you. So proud of you bee!!

Post # 18
Member
4928 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

No. It’s nothing to be ashamed or proud of,  it just is what it is. Don’t feel bad or pressured to lose it just because you don’t feel ”normal”. There is no normal. You will lose it when it is meant to happen, if it’s meant to.

Post # 19
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee

If OP wants to be proud of her virginity then that’s her own damn business. 

Good for you OP. You will know when the time is right xo

 

 

Post # 20
Member
1047 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Vrginity is a social construct and sex is just one of the hundreds of ways that human beings can make each other feel both good and bad.  Dividing the world into virgins and non-virgins is really odd; you really won’t be any different as a person once a penis has entered your vagina than you were before it made its way up there. 

And the idea of what sex even IS is controversial.  I had a high school boyfriend who pretty much learned every inch of my insides using his fingers, his tongue and some fun stuff we bought downtown, and we were together and being intimate for three years.  We never technically had PIV sex, but I think for all intents and purposes I still lost virginity to him rather that to the four-pump chump I met a pool party in college and never saw again after that night.

OP, rather than focusing on your virginity, why not focus on finding a loving relationship, if that’s what you want?  Falling in love with someone who loves you back and planning a life together is way much transformative than just getting a dick in there.  And sex is awesome with the right person, that person generally being someone who you care for and trust.

Post # 21
Member
4928 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

xiexie :  great point. 

I never understood being proud of being a virgin, as if not being one is worse. It’s not. Neither one is better than the other. What if one loses their virginity to someone that ends up completely unworthy? (As sometimes is the case). Are they now unworthy? No, that’s life. Saving oneself for ‘the one’ doesn’t guarantee any happy ending, just as dating and sleeping with various partners does not guarantee a happy ending. 

Agree with PP it’s a better idea to focus on finding a fulfilling relationship, if that’s what they want.

Post # 22
Member
2297 posts
Buzzing bee

elderbee :  this was such a perfect analogy of what some people try to portray about virginity. It does not signify better judgement or moral superiority. If anything, I feel like virginity is just another way for men to control women’s sexuality. When women feel proud of their virginity, it just shows that they’ve drank the kool-aid. You don’t hear about men having purity balls (no pun intended), wearing purity rings, or pledging their virginities to their mothers on a wide scale like girls do (gross). 

 

OP, I think it’s wonderful that you want to wait for someone who actually means something to you. There is nothing wrong with that. But please know that virginity is not “sacred” or “pure” or even something to be “lost”. Sex does have the ability to make you feel connected with someone,  but I truly believe the intent is the most important thing. Are you having sex to show your love and intimacy to your partner, or are you just fucking around because it feels good and you wanna get off? Nothing is wrong with either of those things. Just make sure that you and your partner are on the same page prior to having sex with someone for the first time, as having unrequited intentions is really the thing that causes heartache and unhealthy attachment after sex. 

Post # 23
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

Why is it anyone else’s business?  

 

Post # 24
Member
883 posts
Busy bee

It’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.  It’s your personal choice and your personal view.  

I have had sex with people purely for fun, and I have had sex with people I love.  Love being involved is preferable, but this all really comes down to choice.  If you want to save your virginity, then do so, No shame in that at all.  

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