(Closed) I am in TEARS over my mother. She's evil! PLEASE READ!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1162 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@RedRose1979:  oh wow…

I’m no help for your situation, but *hugs*

Your mother is evil. She’s acting like a 5 year old right now…

Hopefully other bees have some good advice.


Post # 4
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Why is she acting like this?  Is she looking forward to dying alone and knowing that she treated her own children like shit?

Toxic.  Get rid of her.

Post # 5
3770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

That’s ridiculous!  What was your previous relationship with the rest of your family?  I would text your grandmother and let her know that your feud with your mother aside, you truly love your grandfather and are concerned for his health, and that it is cruel to keep you in the dark on his situation.  You could give her the benefit of the doubt and word it in a nicer way… but yeah.  That’s insanely cruel.

Post # 6
7738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@RedRose1979:  Is it possible to visit your grandparents in person?

Post # 8
3770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

@RedRose1979:  Really, tell your grandmother that it is excessively cruel not to let you know about your grandfather’s situation.

@paula1248:  +1 this is a great idea if you have the information!

Post # 9
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would send out a mass email explaining your side of the story and hoMccutcheon this whole situation is hurting you and how you don’t feel like you have a family anymore. 

This is ridiculous!

Post # 10
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

I would just skirt around your mother and her clique and talk to the hospital and your grandfather directly. As family, you’re entitled to hear it from the hospital directly – straight from the horse’s mouth. Seems like a better option than going through the “broken telephone” of clique-speak anyway, where people may distort the news to fit with their own agendas.

I’m sorry you have family members like this but you’re doing the best thing by keeping them out of your life as much as possible – stop texting your grandma, she’s shown you that she’s a willing part of that clique that is bullying you.

Go see your grandpa, ideally when you know the others probably aren’t there, and afterward, meet up with a friend, some friends, and/or your husband, and do something fun together, to take your mind off the pain of the family you’ve had to (at least temporarily) leave behind you.

Post # 11
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I have been following your story  and it really frightens me because your mother reminds me of my own mother in many ways.  I am so sorry that she has turned your entire family against you.  Their behavior has been unacceptable.

Post # 13
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

OP have you actually tried calling your granparents, or any other family members? I know its a lot easier to misinterpret text messages than an actial conversation. 

While your mother has behaved atrociously, if you aren’t ready to cut your losses and all ties with your family,  maybe you should apologise for hurting yoir mothers feelings. You don’t have to say you were wrong, just that you are sorry for her hurt feelings. Where does your dad stand in all of this?

I have a similarly juvenile and downright nasty mother, and we have been having issues like yours (the bitchiness/silent treatment etc) for a long time. I don’t care for her in any way, but I would be devastated if she poisoned my grandparents against me, so I am at least civil to her for that reason alone. 

Post # 14
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I am so sorry for your situation, i can’t even imagine. 

How far away is the hospital? If you can visit, you can bypass their poison and see for yourself how your grandfather is. At this point, i would be afraid of them giving you false information just to mislead you.

I read through the previous thread and I truely believe that you should cut off contact, except in health problem cases (like now) of people who are still civil towards you. 

Obviously your brothers have access to devices (they are posting on twitter), can you cultivate relationships with them through social networks and they can keep you in the loop about important situations (have them send you private messages, etc)? I remember a couple people recommending this on the previous thread and I don’t remember if you said this was possible.

I am so sorry for your situation, I would personally move across the country and not worry about them anymore. They obviously are so hostile and they don’t give a F#[email protected] about your feelings or side of the story, why should you exert any more effort on their behalf? They don’t deserve any more of your energy.

Post # 15
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@RedRose1979:  I think it’s important to consider a few options:

1) Do you want a relationship with your mother? If you do, I would meet with her in a neutral location, 1:1. Tell her you love her and want to repair the damage. Apologize for whatever she feels you did to wrong her. Ask her to apologize for talking negatively about you to family members. Express your desire to have good relationships with everyone. Push aside feelings of resentment and hurt. Start fresh.

2) Or would you prefer to cut her out completely for an undetermined about of time? Is it even possible to cut her out and still maintain good relationships with the rest of your family? If so, tell family members that you and your mother are going through a difficult time and need some time without contact with one another to let things cool down. Agree to do what you can not to force them to chose sides, even if it means missing out on family events to avoid conflict for a while.

3)Is it possible to bring in a family mediator? Is there a rational person (counselor, family friend, religious advisor) you and your mom could meet with? Someone who could see this from both sides and help you start on a road to peace? I would personally favor this option if you really want to repair your relationship with her.

4) If not, if you’re really done with her and the rest of your family for turning against you: move far away, focus on your own new little family with your husband, build relationships with his extended family, find fulfilment in a family of friends too. Lots of people do this when they no longer have a place in their family of origin.

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