(Closed) I am mad at my mother today. Feeling resentful.

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
387 posts
Helper bee

Stop telling your mom your personal business. Nobody should know inside information about your relationship besides you and your now Fiance. 

Also, set some boundaries with your mom, now. Otherwise, you’ll find that you’re living the life she always wanted you to live and not the one you wanted to live. 

Post # 4
Member
3064 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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sylwia212:  you seem to blame a lot of your behavior on other people/things ( mom, PMS). Sit down and tell your mom shes making this hard for you, and then practice ignoring her behavior and/or limiting your contact with her. 

You choose and have control over how you feel and act.  You dont want a Catholic wedding? Don’t have one. Want a short dress? Get one! You are an adult! You can make these choices!

Post # 5
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee

Sounds like my mom and I echo what PP said, stop telling her stuff.  I cold turkey quit telling my mom anything and life has been way more enjoyable.  I keep conversation extremely light.  It sucked to come to terms with the fact that my mom was more concerned with how things looked than how I felt, but once I came to accept it, and that we would never be close, things got better.

Post # 6
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t understand how you magically found yourself having a bigger wedding in a church if that’s not what you wanted. Or is it? I’m confused. Is your mom paying for this? If not, do what you want. 

Also, why are you picking out her dress for your wedding? I can see maybe going shopping with her, but let her pick out her own dress, that way she can’t be upset about it.

Post # 7
Member
387 posts
Helper bee

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sylwia212:  I don’t tell my mom really anything about my relationship because it’s not her business whether we went ring shopping, he purchased a ring, what we talk about, our future plans, or where we want to live. Just like I don’t tell her if we’ve had a disagreement, he did or said something I didn’t like, or if he snapped at me. If I do, then she’ll ask about these things and bring them up to instigate fights, just like what your mom is doing. 

Don’t give her the ammunition. 

Also, you need to set boundaries about her insulting your fiance in front of you. That shouldn’t be acceptable. It’s rude. 

Post # 8
Member
319 posts
Helper bee

Sounds like she is judgemental. So distance yourself from her. Sounds like you don’t want a wedding. So don’t have one and cancel what you have. You’re already married so a second fake wedding is not necessary anyway.

Post # 9
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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sylwia212:  I don’t agree with everyone else I too am best friends with my mum but it hasn’t always been like that. She is the only perosn who knows me inside and out and understands me and is 100% in my corner besides my Fiance. BUT I do carry resentment at times for childhood hurts and when it rears I try to stop and focus on why we have this great relationship now and remebr I made a choice at 20 to leave those past hurts behind and be happy as it was only me bringing me down like right now you are bringing yourself down. You are a big girl like I was when I made that choice so remebr you may have been pushed in certain directions but you still has the free will to say no. A bit is what you wanted and you are after all happy but just a little frustrated today and feeling sad that you didn’t have thebtype of wedding you initially hoped for. Be happy your mum is in your corner and shows outrage on your behalf … And you CAN blame a lot on PMS! I suffer badddly from it but didn’t know until I was about 21. I know when I’m getting that way and just try and relax and realise everything is over amplified, relax xox

Post # 10
Member
3327 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

If this post was about a friend, and not a mother, I would call her a ‘frenemy’. She doesn’t sound like a friend at all.

 

I think you should either cancel your wedding and re-book doing what YOU and Fiance want, or cut her out and stop discussing stuff with her. Let her pick out her own dress, and You do the rest of the planning with Fiance.

Post # 11
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

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sylwia212:  I feel you. I’m dreading dress shopping with my mom…I showed her the ~$600 dress I’m looking at and she made the loudest gasp/choke at the price, and she vocally dislikes all of the <$250 ivory bridesmaid dresses I’m considering. Every time it’s ‘My dress was $350, and that was outrageous’–never mind adjusting for inflataion would put that at over a hundred dollars more than my most expensive choice. Bleh. I’m the one paying for and wearing the damn thing so it doesn’t matter, but it’s annoying catching crap about the cost of my dress while she insists that customized cocktail napkins (you know, that literally go in the garbage) are an absolute must.

Sometimes you just gotta latch on to infuriating mom stuff and vent on the internet. She’s your mom, she loves you and knows you’re a grown up but will still act like she knows better than you about your own life. Follow PPs advice moving forward. You’ll feel better tomorrow–and for what it’s worth, if I were you, I would still sneak in a JOP visit the day before the wedding with my Fiance.

Post # 12
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

My mom and I have been so super close all growing up and into being an adult. But I also know she can be EXTREMELY pushy and have little melt downs whent hings don’t go her way. Especially when it came to my life and how she feels I should be living.

One day I realized, I have to start putting my foot down and stepping away. Keyword: “Stepping away.” Notice I didn’t say cut off contact or ignoring or any of that. Still hanging out, having a good time. But not saying too much, not asking for her advice so much, telling her I will handle things myself, etc. Just stop relying on her as much for things.

Yes, that amount of information you told her was probably too much. You are not a small child where she can push and push you anymore to do what she wants. Parent/child dynamics are SUPPOSE to change once you become an adult. If she start whining about things, end of conversation or tell you to step aside while you deal with things so you don’t hear it. Let it be known you won’t tolerate this behavior anymore.

You know how your mom acts, now it’s up to you to deicde how you want to start responding to that. 

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