- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
Okay, that might be dramatic. But this has been a terribad year and I just really want to be done with school. Background for those first-time readers:
My mom & stepdad and I never got along. When I was in highschool and between college I got kicked out a lot for nonsense, like having a job or drinking the last of the milk and not going right out and buying a new carton. There was a lot of emotional abuse, which I recognize now and am dealing with. I never planned on going to college. I was alternating living in my car behind the donut shop I was working at staying nights at Fiance (then BF’s) house, so it just really didn’t seem in the stars. Fiance talked me into applying and I did and it was hard, but I pushed through. And now we’re engaged, haved had our own apartment for almost three years now, and I’m working one full time job for the first time since I was sixteen (instead of working several different jobs at once). Fiance is unemployeed at the moment (applying for a therapist position tomorrow, fingers crossed!) and my paycheck barely floats us by. But it could be so, so, so much worse.
Now, back to college.
It’s my last semester. My last godammed semester. If I sound burnt out, it’s because I am. I love school, I really do. But since I put off taking my general eds until these last two semesters and am going an extra semester, it’s getting old.
Filling out the FAFSA has always been a challenge because I have to use my stepdad & mom’s info. And my stepdad thinks giving anyone his tax information is putting that information into the hands of the government (who…already…have it? gah). Anyway, he gets super defensive and refuses to give me the info or beats around the bush until the last minute then tells me he hasn’t filled or whatnot and it’s just always frustrating and unwarranted.
My mom died in April, so I’m using my actual dad’s tax information this year. He lives about 6 states away, but he’s been my support through thick and thin and I visit often, he calls me every night. He’s pretty great. And so I decided getting his info would be much easier. Of course, it was last minute again, so I submitted the FAFSA super late, missing the deadline for any grants. It also looks bad in the “your parents are supporting you with their income” department, since my mom and stepdad had an annual income of $0 and my dad’s income is drastically different. He also retired this ear and went on disability before he started his cancer treatments, so he had to claim a lot that wasn’t actual wages. He can’t afford to help me out, not to mention I have younger siblings at home. None of my parents have ever paid for any of my schooling, but of course, according to the FAFSA people, nobody gives a shit.
My tution is $7,000 this semester. I’ve been given a $2,000 loan it looks like. And that’s it. I still need $5,000 and I’m freaking out. What the heck do I do? Do I try and get a private loan? How do I do that? My credit is crappier than my GPA. I have no savings. We’re getting married next September. Did I mention I’m freaking out? I know I should be logical about this and sit down and consider my options, but crying and thinking the worst and having my imagination spiral out of control more like what’s happening.
I could really use some advice, Bees. ;;;____;;; Sorry for the length and ramblyness. I tried not to leave things out, but I might have. If I need to clarify anything, I’ll gladly do so.