(Closed) I AM NOT GREEDY!! But seriously people!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
3253 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow, that is extremely hurtful of the people who attended her wedding. We had a few couples who came empty-handed, but our wedding was just last week, so they may send something. They were all very young couples that maybe just don’t understand the etiquette, I guess, too? I’m not greedy for the gifts, either, but that’s pretty rude. Even just a nice card would be better than NOTHING.

Post # 18
Member
3010 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Is it said that I’m terrified this will happen to J and I?  He even believes it will happen.

Post # 19
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Pretty much everyone who came to our wedding brought us gifts.  I can think of two exceptions – one is an old friend who came to our shower and brought a thoughtful gift to that (totally valid).  The other is a couple who recently graduated with us, has no money, and spent money on a hotel room and gas to attend the wedding.  They brought bubble to blow when we recessed, spent all night on the dance floor, and bought us drinks at the after party.  We didn’t for a moment feel like they didn’t appreciate us, and since they could’ve only afforded like $20, it was fine that they showed their love in other ways.

But I agree that it’s odd in general to not at least give a card.  Though then I guess they might feel like they’re drawing attention to the lack of a gift, which is maybe more awkward.

Post # 20
Member
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I just went to a wedding and didn’t bring anything. I’m mailing her card tomorrow. I can imagine it being a pain in the ass to keep track of gifts and cards and hope they all get to one place. 

Post # 21
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’ve been hearing about this a lot lately too. I think it has something to do with the general culture out there that its OK to bash brides as greedy, selfish, bridezillas. And the brides don’t help themselves out by not sending shower or engagement gift thank yous, registering for extravagent stuff, etc. Then the guests get their panties in a twist over EVERYTHING and decide that the couple doesn’t really deserve a gift. 

I remember when I was a kid all the ladies (my mom included) used to be so excited when a wedding was coming up, they wanted to know all the details in a fun way. Now it seems like all people do when they have a wedding to go to is complain about how much it will cost them and how much of a brat the bride is. 

Post # 22
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree that it is rude not to contribute in some sort of way to a wedding.  I know a few people that have gotten the majority of their registry gifts at their bridal showers, to save time and trouble on their wedding day.  But, whether you bring it to the bridal shower or the wedding (or send it to their house), it is nice to give a little something to the couple.  Usually a wedding involves food and they’re paying for you (plus your guest/family) to eat, drink, and be entertained.

That being said, I think some brides get a little crazy and greedy with their expectations.  A friend recently got married.  I seriously sometimes think she got married just to get gifts.  When I think about my wedding, the last thing I’m thinking about is making bank.  Her outlook was different.  At her bridal shower, she was presented with nearly every gift she’d registered for… save for an ice cream scoop.  Even though she got what she registered for (all of the big items), she relentlessly complained that some of the guests had bought things not listed on her registry.  Then, she proceeded to mention to anyone who would listen that she hoped to get money at her wedding.

Seeing as how everyone she knew had already brought a gift to the bridal shower, I was appaulled that she would expect money and more gifts at the actual wedding!  Now, I know some women have themed bridal showers where only lingere is presented and such, but this was one where people brought registry items, mostly.  Keep in mind that this girl is no Trump, neither is anyone she knows.  But, at the end of it, she got every single thing she’d registered for, stuff that she hadn’t registered for, and $1000 (she paid less than that for her wedding).

Maybe I have low expectations, but I would never want someone to give me TWO gifts, or money AND a gift.  But, yes, I do expect people to even just give me a card and not treat it like a free night out!

Post # 23
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We are also extremely broke and went to two weddings in two days, and we went to the store and bought a card and put a $20 bill in each. I felt bad, but at least it was something, and at least then the bride and groom could use it for something. People are so dumb sometimes. 

Post # 24
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Mrs.ChubbyBunny: I was raised the same way, I don’t even go to a friend’s house for dinner without bringing a dessert or a bottle of wine.

Post # 25
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

Out of our 65 guests that attended I have 12 thank you notes to write…. and 4 of them are for people that sent us a gift but were unable to make it!… yea….

And the greatest part is that all of our guests/friends know that DH and I were starting off from scratch pretty much.

Thankfully, we’ve still been incredibly blessed and have just about everything we need… not exactly sure how that happened but it has! LOL

I myself wasn’t really aware of etiquette until finding the bee but even without that as soon as we got hitched I suddenly felt weird thinking about going to a friends without taking something…. So yea… something will always be in hand now for the host. =)

Post # 26
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I originally didn’t know that you were supposed to take a gift to the ACTUAL wedding, until one of my good friends recently told me — after my first bridal shower.

I always attended the showers or sent gifts if I couldn’t make it, but I never took anything to the wedding. I thought said friend was actually yankin my chain, and then others started agreeing.

I’m not expecting any gifts, or cards at our wedding — but we will most certainly be thankful for anything we do receive!

I can say that I agree, etiquette has gone out the window. We’re not completely traditional, but we’re not completely to the other end either. I have tried my hardest to be a calm, cool and collected bride to all looking in, including Bridesmaids and Maid/Matron of Honor — the only person I really vent to is my Fiance.. I could never imagine acting like some of the recent brides I have seen at weddings. Sheesh.

Post # 27
Member
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I just went to a wedding like this.  I was really sad for her.  The gift and card table were almost completely empty but that wasn’t the worst part.  About 40 of the 90 people that had place settings didn’t show.  There were so many empty tables it was awful.  I would NEVER go to a wedding without at least a card.

Post # 29
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Wouldn’t care.  I wrote on my wedding website that my guests presence is the best present, and i meant it.  Who wants to worry about stopping by the newsagent on the morning of the wedding to buy a card thats going to end up in the garbage, when you’re trying to dry your hair, dry your nails, and squeeze into your dress?  I think gifts result in waste most of the time.  If we get no gifts and no cards but our guests have a great time and maybe thank us on the night i’ll be happy!

Post # 30
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

View original reply
@ScarletBegonia: im sure most people throw cards away, but i don’t.  I have saved almost every card I’ve received since i was about 13 years old.  I have a box that i keep them all in and i get them out every couple years and have a good time reading through them.  I know I’m probably the exception to the rule, but perhaps with wedding cards more people might be a little sentimental and keep them. 

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