(Closed) I AM NOT GREEDY!! But seriously people!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 62
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

uh RUDE!  not a card? not anything?  a card with a 5 dollar gift certificate, etc…  anything…

a car with well wishes.. OMG… so expensive at the dollar store you know… 

 

that makes me very sad:(  RUDE RUDE RUDE!  and lame.

 

I’m so sorry this happened:(

 

(sorry can’t get ove it)

Post # 63
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That’s ridiculous! When someone comes to your wedding you are genrally giving them a meal, drinks, entertainment, a favor, etc. so for them to not even bring a card is unbelievably rude! I understand that times are tough but a card takes a couple of bucks and 10 minutes to send and can be so meaningful!

Post # 64
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It’s a little different where I come from. I’m Canadian and I don’t come from a rich famly put the general gift giving for a wedding is registry or non registry gifts for the family shower (the one that you’re not embarrassed to have your grandma at), the Stag and Doe, or Jack and Jill where we usually go with a minimum of $100 that we intend to lose that night, then something sexy for the lingerie shower which is often follwed by the bacholerette party and then another gift for the wedding (usually money, for us we always give a minimum of $100 and much more for family, the general rule of thumb is that you should pay for your plates and now a days most of the couples of the weddings we go to have already been living together for a long time and don’t need much for way of toasters and coffee makers, and the ones who haven’t I’m sure preffer cash to spend it as they wish)

If you need a hotel room you can easily spend $1000 on a wedding that you are just a guest to.

I am not expecting the same, but we always understand how expensive weddings are and want to help the bride and groom. We try to be generous and hope that others will be to us too. though we know that some cannot. My brother has 4 kids and cannot really afford a hotel room for everyone, so I’m giving up my house the night before the wedding and asked him to DJ or Jack and Jill in lue of a wedding gift. 

That is the general rule of thumb for the last few weddings we’ve been to and it’s changed a little in the last few years. When i was a starving student I had to have my sister pay for my dress to be in her wedding and traded it with doing the photography for her, since I was a photo student…and poor:P

Post # 65
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Hahaha, I totally wrote a vent about this in regards to my own wedding, then deleted it because I felt greedy.

Quite a few of our guests at our wedding didn’t bring anything…and honestly I didn’t notice til I wrote thank you cards, and I started wondering…why didn’t you at least bring a card???

Post # 66
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It’s late for me so I haven’t read any other replies. I want to say, thank you for posting this. I guess it was how I was raised, but I’m not afraid to admit that I was angry…yes, angry…at those that brought zero to our wedding. Maybe it’s because 85 percent of our guests were my husband’s family. A family whom he’s done so much for over the years and was always generous to. How dare they show up without even a card to wish their cousin, nephew, grandson, well?

We spent money we didn’t have on our wedding. Yes, we did the big no-no and went into debt for our wedding. Call us stupid, but I call it “hosting a party”. Our guests were satisfied, happy…So what’s with the, as you put it, “walk in, eat, drink on our dime on OUR day and not give us anything in return?”

Shameful.

I don’t buy any excuses. “I forgot it at home”, “I couldn’t afford it”, “I didn’t think it was necessary”.

Forgot it at home? No problem, send it in the mail.

You couldn’t afford it? A 5 dollar card? (But you could sure afford that fancy new dress and shoes you wore to attend?)

You didn’t think it was necessary? So when are gifts and well wishes warranted? ST. PATRICK’S DAY???

This is a sensitive subject with me. I’m sorry if I offended anyone. But when you love your husband as much as I do and can see the dissapointment in his eyes, you start to resent the people with the excuses. And the fact that they are his family, make it so much worse.

We have learned our lesson. We will not be attending next week’s bday with a present, or next month’s anniversary with a present. But we’re still civil. We’ll bring a card.

As for hostess gifts at dinner parties? Absolutely. Usually a bottle of wine, if not more.

The day I stop paying it forward to those deserving? is the day I will start hating my reflection in the mirror.

The ones who aren’t deserving…who showed up at our wedding with zero… can call me Mrs. Karma.

Post # 67
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@eloping: This is exactly how I feel! You said it perfectly.. 

Post # 68
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Here’s my concern.  What if they gave you a card and it was lost or taken?  How do you know they didn’t give you one.  Maybe they think you are rude because they didn’t get a thank you?  Is there a polite way to say “did we lose it?”

Post # 71
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
@aspasia475:  THANK YOU!  Among my friends when we have a dinner party, we always bring wine.  But no, it is not required and I wouldn’t be offended if a guest didn’t bring wine. 

While it is customary to give a wedding gift, it is not required and one is not entitled to a wedding gift. And since guests have up to a year to send a wedding gift, they certainly don’t have to give a gift at the actual ceremony or reception.  They are your guests, for goodness’ sake, whom you have invited presumably because you feel it is important for them to witness a milestone in your life; unless, of course, you invited them in order to extract a gift. 

Post # 72
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think it is rude not to bring a card as well and there are a few friends I am ticked off with who didn’t even bring a card and acted like morons at my wedding. I haven’t felt a need to see them since and may not be seeing them again. No they are not required to give you anything but it does say something about their character when they cannot be bothered to give you a 99 cent card but do drink 10 free drinks and act like morons.

Post # 73
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We had a bunch of guests not give us gifts or cards. Some of them, I can understand–friends in grad school who we were just glad to see.  Some of the family members really annoyed me though. Like, you can’t get us a wedding present, but you can go on a family trip to the DR a month later?

Post # 74
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Even when I had no money when I was a studet I still showed uo with a card and a token gift!

 

 

Post # 75
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I actually didn’t know you were supposed to bring a gift to the shower and the wedding.  I’ve always gived shower gifts, and not wedding gifts.  Good thing I have 60+ years to do it right!!

Post # 76
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@SweetRose2011: its not so much about getting something tho… i world perfer a hand made care rather then a store baught card Laughing

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