(Closed) I AM NOT GREEDY!! But seriously people!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 92
Member
4335 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@mrs_erickson: oh good grief. Did you even READ the beginning? This is not about the gratefulness of the wedding bride/groom/host, etc, but rather, about the lack of THOUGHTFULNESS of some of the guests.

Post # 94
Member
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m definitely not the most ettiquettly acceptable person, but I would never go to a wedding without a gift.  Although I normally don’t give “gifts” so much as money with a nice card and note to the new couple, because honestly, I would rather have money and in Texas having a known “registry” isn’t very common so I don’t want to just go pick out some random thing…

Fiance and I have on occation helped out with alcohol for a reception as their gift (Fi owns a bar so it’s a fitting gift), but otherwise we just give money. 🙂

Post # 95
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I know with our wedding, most of our guests are coming from overseas and out of town (big families, scattered everywhere!) so we did not ask for gifts or register, as almost everyone had to put out $1000 between plane tickets and hotels for people we could not fit at our house. 

Mind you, we have a very small wedding (20).  I would think that everyone should bring a gift for bigger / more local weddings.  Hmm.

I remember when we attented my aunt’s wedding, we were flying in from across the country and we did not get them a gift, nor was one expected but our presence was a gift in and of itself.  Ha ha!

So strange!

Post # 96
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

In my family we do gifts for the shower, just something small, and generally cash for the wedding. However, I know a few people who will be coming to my wedding empty handed and I don’t mind, but there will be those that I know I will be upset about their contribution or lack of.  I am not greedy, it is just how it is done here with us. 

As for my Bridesmaid or Best Man and Maid/Matron of Honor, I have threatened them not to bring a gift, although I know they won’t listen, they already had to spend enough just to be in the wedding party.

Post # 97
Member
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

When I was a very, very poor student (see: eating at foodbanks once a month to suppliment) a friend of mine got married and told me she knew about my financial straights and not to worry about a gift and that she could help me to get to her wedding, whatever it took.

I ended up borrowing an AWESOME dress from another friend, wore old shoes, but could not, for the life of me, go to a wedding without bringing something. So I worked my butt off for a few months and brought $100 after a bunch of saving and had enough to take a cab home afterwards!

Honestly, I think there is NO EXCUSE for not bringing or sending a little something, even if that is a beautiful handwritten card, and no money.  That being said, I was always taught that you should at least cover the cost of the meal/booze you are going to be having.

Post # 98
Member
3623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I understand not being able to cover the cost of your plate – how much the couple spends on their wedding is not your choice – but I agree with everyone else. Bring at least SOMETHING! I know my Fiance and I are young, and all of our friends are single, so we registered for some really inexpensive things with that in mind.

Post # 99
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

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@redheadem: totally agree. Covering the plate is no longer realistic, when people are choosing to have their weddings at places that charge $150-$200 a plate. I’m sorry, if you are expecting everyone to at least cover their plate, then have it at a place that doesn’t charge and arm and a leg. There are places out there that are very nice and inexpensive, especially in this economy. IF you can’t afford it on your own, don’t have it at the palace.

My friend recently got married and they had a card holder, a bird cage or somthing I think. When they got home they realized they hadn’t gotten cards from people they know would have given them one. It was a large number too. So now they aren’t sure if people actually brought them and they got misplaced/taken or didn’t bring one at all. I never thought about this happening and its hard to know what people did. Maybe sending them in the mail or handing them to the person after the wedding would be safer? I would hate to not send a thank you note about a gift to someone that did actaully send one.

Post # 100
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It could be because this is my second marriage or because my Fiance and I are combining two households; but we informed out guests that we simply wanted for their attendance, prayers, love and support. I literally had a young lady tell me she would not attend weddings because she couldnt afford a gift. She is the only one working in her household and every penny counts. It was at when she told me this, the registry went out the window. Plus, my Fiance and I both have occupations which can have severe time limitations and for some of our friends getting a day off to attend the wedding is pretty significant.

With that said, I do not think it is ok to just show up and bring nothing especially if you know darn well its a young couple just starting out. Good grief there are plenty of computer programs which allow a person to make a card to give.

 

Post # 101
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Never, ever go to a wedding without giving a gift. That’s just rude. You can send it ahead of time, or if you can’t afford a gift you can offer to do something for the couple ie help set up at the church, etc. You should never go just to party. That’s just rude.

Post # 102
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think it is fine that people came gift less and even sort of ok they didn’t even bother to bring a card, but could they at least sit through the reception? One of our friends who did not give a card or a gift snuck out literally right after entres were served. I saw him walking out the door from our sweatheart table, He didn’t even bother to come congratulate us and excuse his early exit, nope. Just ate and left. NOT ok. you are not being irrational.

Post # 103
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Read my recent post here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/didnt-get-even-a-card-from-25-of-our-guests#post-

 

I just got married and never got even a card from a good portion of my guests, even my sister and maid of honor , who I’ve seen several times since ther wedding and hadn’t made a comment about “sorry I forgot” or “it’s on the way.”  No cards have come in the mail.  I’m just hurt and disappointed.

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