Post # 1
I really need some advice.
Fiance is 24 and I am 22. We are both in college, and I graduate for sure in May 2013 and he will (hopefully) graduate in December 2013. We have been engaged for six months and we have not started planning our wedding yet because we both really want at least me to be graduated and settled into a job before we get married, and it just seems too far away to start planning anything yet. My parents will most likely be paying for most of the wedding.
Here’s my issue:
Every time I even mention ANYTHING, like literally any little thing about the wedding to my mom, she immediately shuts me down. She either doesn’t like my idea or it’s not worth discussing yet. For example, Fiance and I have decided we want a white/black/peacock wedding. I mentioned to my mom how I wanted to look into making my own feather bouquets for myself and the bridesmaids, and she went crazy. “That’s not traditional. It will look tacky and cheap. It looks like a feather duster.” I mean it doesn’t sound all that bad, but she literally does not like ANY idea I come up with.
Let me just say, my mom is one of those crazy moms who will throw it in my face that she is paying for most of the wedding and so we should do it her way. I have no problem compromising, but I really want our wedding to show some of FI’s and my personalities. I really am dreading the day we set a date and start planning the wedding, because I just know my mom is going to battle me through the whole thing.
Any words of wisdom or advice? And, please be nice.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
Is eloping an option? Or is it possible for you to try and shoulder most of the wedding costs? If you are paying for most of it she can’t complain. I understand right now you’re still a student, but is there the possibility? Maybe you can cut your budget by DIYing etc.
Sorry you have to deal with this, it totally sucks when people don’t realize it’s YOUR day and YOUR vision >_<!!
Post # 4
@elysion: FI and I are both working part time jobs that are barely getting us by. We are both in the same degree program at school and it is very demanding/time consuming and there’s really no way to save any money right now. This may sound kind of counter-productive in relation to my post but I REALLY want to involve my family in my wedding and I feel like it is stupid of me to not take advantage of their offer to pay for most of the wedding. And on the subject of eloping, Fiance and I have already discussed that if wedding planning gets THAT bad (which I sadly can see the potential) we will call off the family wedding and elope by ourselves. That would really be the very last resort and worst case scenario, though.
Post # 5
If the money comes with strings attached (Mom making all the decisions) I would do something small that doesn’t require financial help.
Do what you and your Fiance can afford.
Post # 6
@GroovyHippieChick: It’s definitely something to think about. I was hoping we might give involving my family a try to see if it works but I’m afraid it may not even get to that point if my mom keeps up her crappy attitude.
Post # 7
Maybe putting together a wedding board to help your mom visualize what you guys want would help her warm up to the ideas?
Post # 8
My mom paid for our wedding and she did make things really difficult when we 1st started planning. The first thing to do would really be to try and have a heart to heart. It may not completely fix all of your disagreements but it may make things a touch better. You haven’t even officially started planning yet so I would say take it a step at a time and approach calmly. I know when I approach my mom with a heart to heart and express myself calmly and without getting defensive she backs off a lot and is more understanding.
Post # 9
I don’t think my approach is the right way, but I would most likely quit telling her things about the wedding, atleast until she realized why or asked you why. Your mom paying for the wedding should be a gift, not an ultimatum to do things her way. Besides, she’s already had her turn planning her own wedding. 😡
Post # 10
@Papillon23: That’s actually a really great idea. 🙂
@star_dust: I wish it was that easy. A heart-to-heart with my mom beforehand could go two ways: She may simmer down and see my point of view, or she may get really offended that I didn’t even give her a chance. For some reason I have a feeling she will get offended.
@kayum6: You’re probably right. Maybe it’s not even worth talking about until she wants to talk about it and then go from there.
Post # 11
I just wanted to chime in to say that I sympathize. I was initially VERY excited to plan my wedding, until I realized that my Future Mother-In-Law is going to hijack most of it. My Fiance has told me things like we’re doing hor d’oevres ourselves instead of having it catered with the rest of the food and having cupcakes instead of a cake….things I definitely was not involved in deciding…his mom was. And he definitely isn’t going to support me against her, so it’s not worth fighting against, so I give up.
I hope things work out with your mom. Maybe since it’s your mom, you’ll feel more comfortable talking to her than I do talking to his mom.