Post # 1
My husband and I have been together for four years, married for two weeks. I have two daughter’s (18 and 10). He does not have any children. We talk about having kids, he says we should not have any and enjoy eachother. Part of me wants that and part of me wants to experience having a baby with the true love of my life but that would mean starting over.
I am so confused, not sure what I should do. 🙁
Post # 3
First, consider your age. I’m not sure when you started, but is it possible biologically? Are you prepared to accept the risks of having a special needs child that increase as you age?
Next, talk about it. You must have talked about it several times as a couple, so revisit those talks. Has something happened to change his mind? Your mind?
Finally, ask yourself how much it would change what you already have. Having a baby would mean less impromptu weekends to visit your oldest in college or less time at your youngest’s soccer games. It could also cause jealousy and rivalry. It also might be wonderful and the best choice you have ever made.
So think and talk without rushing into anything. You may want to have a baby with the love of your life, but you’ll thank yourself that you spent the time getting on the same page before having the child.
Post # 4
Is he very firm in his decision? Is this a dealbreaker for him? Depending on how strongly your husband feels, it may affect whether you really want to consider it or not if you’re truly on the fence.
Also, what are your reasons for wanting to have another baby? Is it because you love your husband a lot? Or is it because you love being a parent and raising children is a fulfilling role to you? Only you can answer all of this, and since you already have parenting experience, you are in the best position to know if having more kids would be a good decision for your life.
PP brought up a good point – how far would you want to go for another child? IVF if it became difficult to conceive at this point? If the child had down’s syndrome or another medical condition or special needs, would you still be 100% for this idea? Lots of things to consider!
Post # 5
Debating this myself. If we have a child within the first few years, I’ll still be under 35, so our chances are better. FH has 6 and 7 year old boys that will live with us full time. We are both on the fence. For him, he says it’s up to me. We have had this conversation several times and continue to review our options. This is something that perhaps you should have really talked about before or accepted before the wedding. Did you talk about it???
Post # 6
Thank you for the input ladies. I was only 16 when I had my oldest so I am only 35. We are both 35. He says he is leaning more towards not having one but has not said no for sure, I would love to have a baby with him because I love him and because I loved the whole experience of motherhood. I see his point, if we dont have any kids, in a few years we can travel and just be alone. That sounds great but I also know the joy that comes with having a baby, Considering our age, if we are going to have kids, it needs to happen asap.
Before we got married, we always talked about having a baby together but I think that changed after we went on our honeymoon. He loved our alone time so much that he figures a baby would change that.
I am not so much really complaining about him because this man will do whatever it takes to make me happy. If I told him that a baby would make me really happy, he would do it. I guess the issue here is whether I want one or not. You know what I mean?
Post # 7
I had a child from my first marraige who is now 8. When I got married again to DH we knew we would have one more. It was important for him to have one to raise from the beginning (DD#1 was 4 by the time we got together- so he never had the baby stage). It was intimidating to start over. Now instead of one more decade of raising kids we are suddenly back at 2 decades now. We went from a child who is independant, to having a baby who needs us 24/7. I do not regret it at all, but it is tough to get back into that mode. I am 35 as well.
Post # 8
I get it. It is hard. I know I would never want to have a child without a partner who is excited about it, but I also know that men get cold feet and don’t always see things clearly. In a month or so, I would raise it again once married life has begun to set in. I know he probably loves the alone time, but you won’t get that for another 8 years (if you are lucky).
It is also not a yes or no issue, but lots of gray. You could say you want a baby, but you are only willing to try for a year and no artifical measures or that you will get a babysitter 3 weekends a year to get away.
Best of luck!
Post # 9
I guess it just comes down to what you both want together. If it will change that for the better or not..
But, being a new mom, I have never been happier in my life. I can’t believe I didn’t do this earlier. I’m not sure right now if we’ll have another baby but I feel so fulfilled having this child with my husband, so I really understand what you may be feeling! best of luck <3
Post # 10
Thank you ladies, I truly value all your thoughts and opinions. I will drop the subject for a few months and enjoy just being together. I know that no one really regrets having a child but people do regret not having one. This is such a seroius decision to make and I now that due to our ages, we have to decide sooner than later.
We did agree that if I cant get pregnant again, then we would not take artificial measures. That we both agree on.
I love my daughters so much and I know that I would not regret having another but again, I have been a mom since I was 16, I like the idea of having me time while I am still young.
Can you tell from my replies that I am very confused. lol