Post # 1
Just needing to vent and ask for advice. I just got off the phone with my dh. He had to go back to the military last week and things are allready rocky it seems. We have exactly 56 days until he comes back home for good. He is trying getting all of his paper work in order, packing, moving, and under a lot of stress for all of those things. I know he is stressed out, and I have been trying to be patient and understanding with this, but he just accused me of not trying hard enough to make him happy and not putting enough undivided attention time asside for him. I speak to him for almost an hour every morning and for some time every night that he is not flying. I am a working full time, in school full time, trying to open a business, and on call at the ambulance garage and don’t have time to breath right now much less devote another two hours of my day to sitting on the phone. I just really don’t know what to do! I can allready feel my self not wanting to say anything for fear of making him angry over the phone and then hearing to him go on more about me not being sweet enough to him. I don’t want to vent to my co-workers or friends here becuase we live in a small town and I don’t want them to think less of him. Everything is great when he is here, why is this so taxing!
Post # 3
It is not your responsibility to make him happy. I would simply respond that “I understand that this is a stressful time for you. It is for me too. I won’t get upset at what you just said but you need to know that what you said was hurtful. I too feel stretched to the limit right now. I can’t wait until you are home and we can be together.”
Post # 4
He probably just misses you, but he’s being SUPER needy. He said your not being sweet enough? What does that even mean? If it were me, I’d tell him ‘I wish I could spend more time talking to you too… I can’t wait until you come home so we can devote more time to eachother’
Post # 5
so hes out in 60 days, does he have a job/planned lined upt? im wondering if he is stressed by the future and seeking extra comfort from you. doesnt mean this gives him the right to make you feel like crap but im guessing hes being needy and wants some extra tlc
Post # 6
@eloping: he has had a few interviews and some pending offers for part time mechanic work, but he would prefer something full time so he is waiting. He will be working to finish his degree for the two years he is out so that might also be stressing about that too.
thank you ladies for your help. I know its not the end of the world and it will be easier when he is here, but these daily phone arguments are starting to wear on me.
Post # 7
Maybe you need a day without the phone calls? I suspect he didn’t really mean what he said, he just snapped in a moment of pure exhaustion and feeling completely overwhelmed (I am someone who does that too, and I feel awful afterwards). Maybe a day or two with just a nice email or text so you can both just focus on what you need to get done would be beneficial. If he truly doesn’t think you are doing enough for him, he needs to be more specific in what he wants, and mindful of everything you have on your own plate.