- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2018
just have some happy news or prospects or SOMETHING:
I think I may be engaged, sorta…
I was talking with my man last week and things got kind of emotional. I was harboring some sadness (I am not so good at opening up about my needs, but I am improving) and he really encouraged me to say what was weighing me down.
I told him about me fears regarding a change in his home that was planned from before we met and finalized a while ago before we were serious. He isn’t moving further away but it’s complicated and basically it means we can’t live together for the next while.
He knows that I had a very negative experience with a broken engagement in my past (rather, a drawn out, promise which never happened, I have a thread about it here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/gave-back-the-ring/ ) and that marriage is very important to me. Also, I am 43 and never been married. From the beginning of our relationship I was clear: Marriage has to be on the cards. It’s a deal breaker.
It was kind of a big deal for him because actually he never really wanted to marry and is a very introverted person and the thought of huge festivities really really scares him. He said from the beginning though, it was something he could and would do if it was important to his partner. I just had to trust that he meant it.
So here we are a year later and I feel like we have this amazing, great and loving relationship. He is the most amazing person. I never thought relationships could be so uncomplicated and so…. just so good and easy. I’m so relaxed and looking forward to spending my life with him. And he feels EXACTLY the same.
But we can’t live together and so we can’t marry for about 3 years. Which is a big deal to me. And I finally said so. In tears. And I said that I was trying to get over it, because I just feel like marriage and a wedding just isn’t in my stars. That I would try to be brave about it, but I never wanted to be an older bride (nothing against older brides, it just wasn’t my vision) and that I think that ship has sailed.
And he said that was silly. He said he loves me, he knows how important this is to me. That it would make me unhappy to give up that dream and for him it won’t be something he really can be excited about but we can get married and have a wedding because he knows how important it is to me. He said how about getting married in the fall? OMG.
We talked about what kind of wedding etc. We want to elope, because I have realized that I don’t really want or need this huge wedding anymore. I just need him and me (and some time to honor each other and celebrate together. And a big dress. I need that too ) And we don’t want to tell anybody until we have wed (my idea) and it will be a big surprise. We could both hardly sleep that night!
Since he isn’t really into this project other than being my husband he says I can plan what I want and he would love it if I just told him what I want him to do. (<— I am totally down with this. I am not gonna make my beloved jump through fiery rings to get to the alter. It’s not his thing? So be it!)
Then he said: „I do want to propose though, at least I can do that.“
Sooooooooooo…. he’s gonna propose. I said I don’t need a ring. (because I don’t I do a lot of outdoor climbing and such, feel like an e-ring would be in the way. I don’t wear a lot of jewelry and I would rather have a delicate wedding band with some bling)
So basically, he will be waiting for the right moment…