Post # 1
Has your SO ever refered to you as his Fiance when you and he both know that you’re not?
In the past members of his family have introduced me to others as his wife-to which I have corrected them that I am NOT his wife. I did not want them overlooking the fact that it’s been years and he has yet to propose. I don’t want to be “intergrated” into the family just because I’ve been around long enough. I want it to be official. But now my SO has been introducing me to people as his Fiance. WTH!? This is making me upset because I can tell that he knows that the term Fiancee establishes a certain level that a couple has reached in their relationship. A level that we have yet to reach since we are not engaged. I kind of lost it and told him to stop referring to me as his finacee because I’m not, I’m just the girlfriend and that if he wanted to call me his fiancee that he needs to ask me to marry him.
Has this ever happened to any of you and why do you think he’s doing this?
Post # 3
Yep. Never fiance, but my fiance ( boyfriend at the time) and his family always referred me as his wife. I always corrected them. They still do it, seeing as how we’re not married, and now I figure, close enough! hehe
Post # 4
I have no idea why he would do this. I know people who refer to each other as wife/husband because they are not legally able to get married in their state. I’ve also heard of people doing this when they want to hold themselves out as married, but either do not believe in the institution/piece of paper, or otherwise have to wait to get married.
Have you talked to him about marriage? Does he want to get married?
Post # 5
This came up when we bought a washer and dryer actually. FH felt awkward telling people we weren’t married but that we were buying a washer and dryer for our apartment so when he said to the salesmen, “and this is my wife June”. I kind of flipped and said, “no actually I’m just the girlfriend, been together for 5 years but the tool bag won’t propose” must have been the fumes coming from the paint section 🙂 He was so embarressed! I told him good, now you can see how I feel when I tell people we’re still not married!
Not one of my best hours…however about 2 months later he popped the question 🙂
Post # 6
@MrsPinkPeony: LOVE THIS!
My husband referred to me as his wife occasionally to people we didn’t really know when we were engaged. I don’t think he liked the word fiancee and I don’t think he wanted to get into all the wedding talk with people. But I’d be super annoyed if he referred to me as a fiancee but yet didn’t actually propose. I don’t blame you a bit for being irritated.
I don’t have a clue why’d your SO would do this. Maybe he wants other people to recognize your relationship as serious. He may not want to refer to you as “my girlfriend” in the same way a sixteen-year-old would refer to the girl he’s been with for three weeks. I get that. But I think if he wants rights to use the word, he needs to do the asking.
Post # 7
june42011 – Your post literally made me laugh… that’s hilarious, and I’m glad that struck a nerve with him.
My now Fiance did that with the cable company thinking they would take us more seriously. I should’ve called him out on it too.
Post # 8
Personally I hate that. I see girls do it all the time too, referring to their boyfriend as “My hubby” and his parents as “The in-laws”.
If you’re not married, don’t say you are!
Post # 9
@MrsPinkPeony: That’s awesome that you called him out. I was going to tell OP to just call him out in front of ppl when he does it. I would totally do that – but SO never calles me Fiance or wife or anything – he’s way to careful than that!
Post # 10
@Hopeful1: Same boat .. together (coming up on 6 years) . We bought a house together last year and you could tell it was awkward because people would call me wife/fiance… being unsure .. and it would always be ME correcting them.
Although sometimes when I make calls re: the house I say “my fiance” so they take me more seriously so I can have access to our accounts .. I try not to do it when he is around.
I think GOOD ON YOU for correcting him… dont let him become complacent
ps june your story made me LOL . LOVE IT !
Post # 11
@EleanorRigby: We’ve talked about marriage but we’re not on the same page. I want it now and he wants it later…like years into the future later.
Post # 12
@MrsPinkPeony: LOL! I’m going to keep this statement in mind to use if I’m in this situation again! I would have loved to see ur FI’s face! LOL!
Post # 13
I would feel differently if I were in a situation similar to June’s where he was saying it to make people believe that is the case, but generally I just roll with it because it’s not meant to be serious. For example, one friend started asking two months in to my relationship about a ring, and I joked back oh yes, I heard the phone ring. The friend didn’t actually think we’re getting married then. When the same friend calls me and ask how is my hubby, I don’t get upset, it’s just him trying to be a little funny – and likely also signal he likes this bf. If I told him it bothered me (it doesn’t) I’m sure he’d stop. He’s not the only one to joke about it that way, quite a few of my friends do (and oddly enough, I think it’s all guys that do it), but I don’t really think any of his do.
My current bf doesn’t really refer to me as “the wife” but I had an ex that would do that. Something like “Oh, let me check with the wife.” In his case, looking back at it, I think he referred to it negatively more than positively (in the ball and chain sense), so I bet if we had gotten to the point of actually considering marriage seriously, it would have bothered me as a waiting bee. (Instead, he cheated on me while on a week-long international business trip and then moved out there to be with her.)
So moral of the story is that I think it matters a lot in the spirit/tone/intent. And likely how frustrated you are by waiting (if I was waiting 14 years, I’d have pent up aggression about pretty much everything you can think of) colors how you interpret it as well. I have never had a breakdown re waiting like a lot of people do (in a sense, I don’t understand most of them), and that’s probably also correlated with how you feel about these types of comments.
Post # 14
No and I wouldn’t want him to. I’d rather wait until we got engaged for him to call me his fiancee and for me to call his parents my in-laws.
Post # 15
I dont know why he would do this in order to find out you would have to talk to him. weird.
Post # 16
As a twist, one of my best friends calls my Boyfriend or Best Friend my fiance. She’s like “well, he has the ring right? And you don’t want to sleep with anyone else, right? You’re engaged.”
*shrug* It kinda makes me smile.