(Closed) I am pretty sure I’m the worst bridesmaid ever…

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
10 posts
Newbee

You’re not a terrible Bridesmaid, you just hae a lot on your plate.  I’m actually in a similar boat.  I’m getting married in October and am in two weddings before mine, one of which is in Vegas.  I didn’t really realize how much of a committment it was going to be (I’m not asking that much for my BMs so I guess I expected everyone to have my viewpoint) and now it has really put a strain on one of my friendships because I didn’t say anything and my frustration just builds each time I’m required to do something else.  You need to sit down and see what you can really afford and then talk to them about it.  Tell them that you want their day to be exactly what they want but you don’t think you can afford all of it so maybe you just come as a guest instead of a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Or maybe you could work something out with them like they can help pay for your hair instead of getting you a gift?  As far as the showers go I think you need to be there for one but not both and in no way shape or form should you be expected to go to Vegas.  Hopefully they will understand.  its unfortunate that some people get so caught up in “their day” that they don’t realize how this stuff affects everyone else.  Good luck!

Post # 18
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Not to offend – but who does dyed to match shoes anymore? That’s just crazy!

Post # 19
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Coming from a bride here, this is my two cents.  Being a bridesmaid has some costs.  Sometimes you can anticipate costs based on what type of person they are, meaning whether they typically do things “big,” how much money is being thrown at the wedding, etc.  But, the average cost is stated to be between $500-$1,000 (I got this figure from “The Bridesmaid Guide” that I purchased for my maids).  Naturally, it’s always welcome when the cost is less.

So far, I have been extremely frustrated with my bridesmaids that complain about each and every cost, insist they’re broke (even when I see them buy a brand new Coach purse a week later), and attempt to persuade me into bargain basement alternatives.  I get frustrated because all people should realize that being a bridesmaid costs money.  With that being said, my costs are pretty reasonable abd expected.  Their dress was $150 (including tax).  I bought their shoes and jewelry.  I have been told the shower is costing each girl $30.  The bachelorette party is in San Francisco and is costing about $300 each.  Reading your situation, I can see the frustration you’re having.  These aren’t standard costs.  I think the $200 dress is ok, as is the makeup and lodging.  I think the private cabana, two separate shower gifts, and bottle service at each club brings it into the realm of too much.

As a bride, I would want you to either step down and nicely explain that since you are in TWO weddings, plus your own, money is already tight.  The events leading up to their weddings have become completely unaffordable to you.  She will either say it’s fine and fine someone else (if early enough), or she’ll give you the OK not to go to the big lavish Vegas trip.  If she gets incredibly mad, then I agree with the poster above, she’s probably not a good friend.  UNLESS she told you before that all of this was coming.  If so, she has a right to be mad lol.  😉

Post # 20
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think it may help if you explain to each bride the financial dilema you are experiencing with having TWO weddings and back to back! Im sure they would understand! =) Best of Luck!

Post # 21
Member
4884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You need to stand up for YOURSELF.  Yeah, you agreed to be a bridesmaid, but you absolutely need to put your foot down.  This duty is all about supporting the bride, not shelling out tons of cash to go to parties and what not.  Nothing in your life should suffer because of someone else’s wishes/demands.  Have a civil, adult, honest conversation with each of them, and if they refuse to bend, don’t hesitate to step down.  It is NOT worth going into any kind of debt for this.

Post # 22
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If you can’t afford the costs without putting them on your credit cards, please step down from both weddings before it gets any later. There are still 5-6 months to go, so even if the brides get unhappy, it will be much worse the later it gets. You should not be going into debt for someone else’s wedding. The demands from these brides are pretty outrageous, but it’s your choice to be in the wedding or not. You need to do what’s best for your own situation.

Post # 23
Member
29 posts
Newbee

I feel for you, girl! My suggestion (that I’ve done in the past): make up an excuse for why you can’t go on the bachelorette trip (for me, I’ve said I couldn’t take time off weekend work). Although not being able to afford all those expenses SHOULD be justifiable, in my experience brides understand scheduling conflicts more than financial shortages, so you won’t damage your friendship with them (or at least not as much).

Yes it’s bad to lie, but sometimes a little lie can be better for a bridezilla than the truth 🙂

 

Post # 24
Member
897 posts
Busy bee

By all means don’t go to the bachelorette and the extra parties! oh my goodness, do not bankrupt yourself girl, $400 in dresses is more than enough of a commitment to make to being a bridesmaid

Post # 25
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Im sorry they are putting you through this. From my experience as a bride to be, I have helped out my brides who couldnt afford their dress (just out of college) and I paid for the hair and make up. I feel like it does suck it costs money but they are demanding way too much. I think my girls who are paying for things themselves will spend max 300 each. If someone couldnt get me a gift, I would rather get a heartfelt card.

 

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