(Closed) I am ready to scream!!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2681 posts
Sugar bee

Im sorry you are upset. I personally am just catching up with money stuff because its just past the holidays so I probably wouldnt be in the best situation to buy a dress right now either.  Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses usually only take 2-3 months to come in depending on where you get them from and then a couple weeks for alterations.  Can you hold off until the end of March and let everyone know they have until then to get the dress?  That will give them time to get their stuff together and figure out a way to pay for the dresses and they will still be ordered in time so they arrive on time.

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

hopefully its because of christmas that they are a bit low on funds, it happens. i suggest you ask them if a particular date in March will be good for them to get the dresses and see if they are committed enough to make it happen

Post # 5
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry.  If my girls said that to me, I’d probably be thinking, “So…what are you telling me?  You don’t want to be in the wedding?”  But I wouldn’t jump to conclusions without talking to them.  Do they need to wait a couple of months?  are they hinting that what you were looking at is a bit pricey?  Good luck.

Post # 7
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

… I would talk to them and ask how important it is to them that they be in the party. It sounds like they are making other things priorities and while it’s their choice, it’s also their choice if they want to be in the wedding. Unfortunately, you can’t demand that they change their lifestyle so they can buy a dress.

Post # 8
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

It probably is just everyone getting over the holiday expenses. I know that my Dec credit card bill is due this month and can’t really afford to do much else! But next month I will be in a better spot! Have you discussed with them to see if next month is better?

Your wedding isn’t until Sept so I am sure you could wait at least another month until putting the dress orders in. My wedding is a couple weeks before yours and I am only starting to look with my girls!

I would talk to them and figure out what is going on with them – you never truly know someone else’s financial status. I am sure together you will be able to put together a timeline that works for everyone!

I hope everything works out!

Post # 9
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Can I ask how much the dresses you’re looking at are? I mean if they’re like 150 or less then I totally agree with you. I just want to make sure you’re not demanding they buy $300 dresses and upset they don’t have it..?

Post # 10
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Having just been in a wedding I understand what your wedding party is feeling. Financially it was difficult for my to pony up all the money required for attire shoes bachelorette party and bridal shower. its very easy to say that they have been out spending frivolously and not saving for your big day but without being in their shoes and accessing their financial information you can never know for sure. I recommend sitting down with your girls and having a frank conversation about dress cost and time line, most likely with advance notice and a clear understanding of what the dress cost will be they will be prepared to purchase dresses without complaints.

Post # 11
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee

Before you get too upset, think about the total you are asking your BMs to spend. I would make sure it’s not unreasonable before anything else. Also, when they say they don’t have money, is it a “I don’t have money now but next month should be ok” type of comment? Or a “I don’t have money. PERIOD.” comment? Clarify with them what they think would be reasonable and try to compromise. If it’s more of the latter, they might not be committed to being in the bridal party. Then I would say it’s time for a serious talk that explains how important it was to you to have them stand up with you and how hurt you are that they are reluctant to do this one thing for you. Hopefully that will get them to cooperate or at least see from your point of view. 

Post # 12
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Some people, and I have friends that are among them, spend in the moment and don’t like forking over money for “responsible spending”. It’s probably not their lack of commitment more of a spending disability. I’m close to the opposite, I’d rather pay off more debt or pay advance on bills than spend on myself, but Fiance counteracts that.

Def. scream if you want, I’d be frustrated too!

Post # 14
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

$159 is not a trivial amount of money, but I wonder if there’s something else contributing to their resistance.  Is it possible that they just don’t like the dress, and therefore are even less willing to put money towards it?  Also, it’s always hard but important to keep in mind that they have every right to go to the mall, go out to eat, etc. given that they are adults and it’s their money.  Some could argue that spending $159 on a garment that will be worn exactly once isn’t exactly “responsible spending” either.  Something to keep in mind.

Post # 15
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am sorry that they are not willing to buy the dress. On the other hand, I think it is a ridiculous thing that bridesmaids have to buy the dresses to begin with.  It is your wedding, and by choosing the color and style of their dresses, you have turned them into flowers to add to the wedding decor.  In my opinion, they either get to wear their own clothes, or YOU BUY their dresses.  J. Crew has  a sale on beautiful 100% silk dresses for as low as $59, which you could buy for them.  I’m sorry if I sound admonishing; I feel very strongly about this matter.

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