Post # 1
My family is pushing me to make a huge decision that I don’t want to make.
I’m being laid off in three weeks. I will lose my health insurance.
They want me to have a private courthouse civil ceremony with my Fiance so that I can still have insurance.
I want the wedding. My Fiance understands this and agrees. Family, and Fiance, say that we can do both. I know the etiquette on this though and have explained it to all of them.
Now before you tell me to save our money because I will be unemployed, let me explain that we have a budget set already and it will not deplete our savings. I am a huge saver so this is not a concern. I’ve been job searching like woah and hope to have something ASAP, but we don’t know when that will happen and my monthly prescriptions are expensiiiiive!
I am one of those gals who has dreamt about her wedding day since she was 12. Though not as a fairy tale — just as a planning and DIYing process that I’ve looked forward to for ages now.
I feel like a spoiled brat throwing a tantrum. “I want the wedding and I want it NOW!” Except, I don’t want it now. I want it in a year. So that I can plan/DIY/bargain hunt, without the stress of a really short engagement.
Heck.. I’ve been engaged for 13 DAYS and my Fiance and I are enjoying this stage of our lives — no rushing!
What do I do.
I am going to my dr next week to try to get a three month script for my meds.. So maybe I can stall while another job opens up for me.. I’ve looked into private insurance and it’s several hundred a month due to medical issues I have. But, that’d still be better than NO insurance, knowing my medical history….
Ugh. This has seriously bummed me out, bees. 🙁
*Side note: I considered posting under an annonymous username but opted not to in the end. To those of you who know me IRL, please handle this infortmation very gently! Thanks.
Post # 3
If both family and Fiance say you can do both, why are you so worried about the etiquette?
Post # 4
I’m sorry! I would say to get the three month suply, job hunt, and go from there. If you have no leads in 3 months, reconsider.
Post # 5
Kudos to you for not settling or caving to others’ demands. That must be tough. Is there any way that you can qualify for public assistance/medicaid/unemployment to hold you over until you can find another job? You have been working and paying into a system that is SUPPOSED to be there for you when you need it- that’s why it exists- so you should take advantage of it.
Post # 6
I think you should wait for your wedding. For the first time in my adult life, last year I was uninsured due to job loss and it ended up being OK. It is a good idea to stock up on medication, get a written Rx for refills and price compare different pharmacies if you have to pay cash in the future. If you are eligible for COBRA, you can wait and see if you really need it. I think you get 3 months where you can apply for it retroactively in a true emergency (think hospitalization).
Post # 7
I can understand how you feel, but I also understand the practicality of getting married legally for now to avoid becoming uninsured. If you have serious health issues, it’s a terrible idea to let your insurance lapse. I have friends that did something similar and still had the wedding a year after. She has a degenerative disease and had just lost her job, too. The wedding was lovely and I don’t think it took away from the moment at all.
Even if you find a job tomorrow, it’s not likely you’ll be insured right away. I say go to the courthouse and give yourself two wedding anniversaries 😉
Post # 8
does your Fiance have health insurance that allows him to add a domestic partner?
Post # 9
Have your wedding. 🙂 Life is full of ups and downs. If you and your Fiance are strong and believe in one another, you both will make it through anything.
Post # 10
What wedding etiquette? Can you explain that part….I don’t see a problem here at all. Going to the courthouse and doing a civil ceremony is akin to a trip to the dmv, it’s an errand…a technicality in my book. We’re going and doing one next tuesday in preparation for our big destination wedding in november because we want to be legally married in the state of california and our wedding is in mexico. I don’t feel cheated or weird in any way by the fact that we’re legal on tuesday but I’m putting the dress on November 3rd.
I just view it as something I have to take care of, and then on the big day, that is what I consider to be my “wedding.” I think you should take care of the legalities in order to preserve your insurance, and then plan for your actual ceremony later down the line.
Post # 11
Woah, bees! You rock. I’ll answer things individually:
@Frog E.: My concern is our friends/family. When I was referring to family in my OP, I should have said “my parents”. Sorry for that confusion!
@Pollywog: I like this suggestion. Thank you.
@DaneLady: I have a govt job and some supervisors are leading me to believe that I will not qualify for unemployment. (Because I knew my contract was ending.. Umm… that’s not entirely accurate but it’s what they’re saying!!) But I will be trying to file for it nonetheless. Thanks.
@the boss of you: Cobra for my plan is about 1100 per month. That may be cheaper than my two medications per month though (sleep medicine costs like 95 a PILL or something crazy like that. UGH.) Thanks.
@RedAngelDreamer: Thank you for your input. I know that is a very logical decision and normally that (logic) is what motivates my choices. I am a true virgo. 😉
I’m still letting myself adjust to this idea but it’s hard.
@MrsTVLover: Yes, but he can only add a domestic partner of the same gender. 🙁 We looked into this.
@happybbbeee: Thank you. This is the encouragement I need right now.
@Sugarpug2012: If my legal wedding and the celebration were a month or two apart I think I’d feel differently. The “proper” (bleh!) way is to call the celebration a “Vow renewal” and to explain to your invited guests that you are already married. We would of course tell our parents and maybe a few friends but my girlfriends are adament about throwing me a bridal shower and last-night-out party before the big wedding. I feel like that could be awkward if I am already legally married..
I appreciate your explaining it like an errand to the DMV — that helps me a bit. 🙂
Post # 12
I vote to wait for the wedding if you really want to. My Mother-In-Law suggested we get married early for health insurance purposes, but I didn’t want to bc I didn’t think we would have a wedding if I did that. I’m glad we waited, but we were lucky enough to stay healthy during the year we waited.
Post # 13
I may be totally against “tradition” but I’m fine with that. 🙂 If getting married gets you the proper health insurance that you need, why the heck not? And if you want to have a wedding in a year, why the heck not?
I know people get all up in arms about having a “wedding” after a courthouse/eloping ceremony. But the people who really love and care about you don’t give a damn. They will want to celebrate with you in whatever ways you think are best.
Side note: you don’t need to be a member of Costco to get Rx there. It’s one of the cheaper places to go. Also, Walmart and Target offer fantastic generic Rx prices. Good luck!
Post # 14
Go get married at the courthouse. Don’t tell anyone. Problem solved.
Post # 15
@scarlet_letter: “I have a govt job and some supervisors are leading me to believe that I will not qualify for unemployment. (Because I knew my contract was ending.. Umm… that’s not entirely accurate but it’s what they’re saying!!) But I will be trying to file for it nonetheless. Thanks.”
Just because it was a contract job doesn’t mean squat. If you’re laid off because of lack of work, that qualifies. I did the same thing in 2003 because I was a temp. Technically, my last contract ended. I took two weeks and then applied for unemployment. My husband was also a contract worker (in the mortgage undustry – ouch) and he qualified for unemployment. You’re fine.
Post # 16