I see a couple of things here when reading your post & update…
1- Your Parents & Fiance both LOVE you very very much and only want the best for you
2- You do seem to have some sort of health issues going on that require good & reliable insurance coverage (be that for prescriptions or an emergency situation)
3- Your Friends LOVE you very very much
4- You are a level headed gal, who is worried about Etiquette and being above board with your Guests.
Ok… so here is what I would do.
Get yourself to the Courthouse and get yourself married, so you can get covered by your THEN HUSBAND’s Insurance Coverage
Be open and honest with your friends & family… about the situation (when it comes to Health I think most people truly understand WHY things like this are ok). When you tell them the news be aware, you should also tell them the aprox date of your Bigger Wedding Ceremony & Celebration (in that way, they’ll realize that they can hold off on their sending a gift etc until then… altho if they choose to mark the occasion now for you… there really isn’t much you can do about that)
Truly the ONLY downside to Eloping.
Realize how blessed you are… that you have sooo many in your life who love and care about you… your health & well being.
So even I as a bit of an Etiquette Snob knows that that will TRUMP anything and everything in an Etiquette Book.
Another words, if you GFs still want to organize a Bridal Shower for you… or a Couples Shower for the 2 of you (maybe more appropriate)… let them. As long as EVERYONE invited knows the whole situation, things should be fine.
A Bachelorette is a bit more problematic… BUT if it is just a few “understanding” and close GFs even that shouldn’t be a huge issue.
The main thing is to be real, honest & open in this situation.
Your Wedding Invites for example, could say to “confirm the marriage of ___ and ___ ” rather than specific words “Vow Renewal”… that way you can create them however you like in regards to who’s names go on for hosting the event. *
In the end your BIG DAY with the Wedding Ceremony & Reception can be whatever you want it to be.
Hope this helps,
* NOTE – If you want some more help with wording, you can always drop me a PM
PS… For the record I am all in favour of the “idea” of getting married and just keeping it a secret… but that NEVER seems to work out… and then people call the whole Wedding a sham… which is WHY if there is a real NEED to marry early (like yours) I do think that there is a way to “work around” things and be honest.