(Closed) I am really confused. Could use some advice, and a hug.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would file for a confidential marriage liscense and not tell anyone your are married (even though you legally are for health reasons).  Then you get to have the wedding you want, you will not have to worry about ‘etiquette’i and you will be covered in case anything was to happen.

Post # 33
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

i’m in a very similar situation…except for we need to be married to recieve any financial aid and are paying for college ourselves…I 100% understand how you feel. I think that you should do the civila cermony, tell minimal people, and then have the real wedding a year from now like you wanted…a year is really not that long. My Fiance and I may elope because we really need the assistance. I like what previous people have said. It’s like going to the DMV…just pure paperwork. Just have a friend get a temporary license to officiate or have them become ordained…that way all they will do is sign the paper and you don’t have to do the vows and stuff that make you feel like a real wedding. You don’t have to change your name until after the real wedding ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 34
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think doing a courthouse ceremony will put a damper on your wedding at all. No one has to know except your family, and then you can do just do the whole ceremony/reception when you’ve planned.

Post # 35
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

i got married sooner than planned for health insurance!

that being said i was never planning to have a big wedding, so it was a little different

i think you should definitely go to the courthouse and get married and still have your wedding.  it is definitely not worth it to go without health insurance- especially when you have the chance to get it! most likely you’d be fine without it, but if something happens it would be horrible!! did you know a snake bite hospital bill can be as much as $140,000?!? i might just be paranoid, but i think it is worth it to get the health insurance. 

 

Post # 36
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

There’s another thread , I just read it the other day …  somewhat same situation.

 

That Bee was suggesting that they ( her and FI) would go get the marraige certificate. 
Just sign it, get two people there at the court house as witnesses.   No ceremony, no one to say “you are now man & wife” no kiss, no nothing. Just a legal document. She mentioned something about not even telling the parents or anyone and essentially just be legal but not wedded. Then do the full emotional wedding when they want.

 

 

Post # 37
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

So my brother married his wife six months before the “actual” wedding, because she’s not from the US and they wanted to get a head start on her green card application so they could leave the country for their honeymoon (too much back story, but I didn’t know how to shorten it) ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyway, they had a civil ceremony that only my parents and I were present for.  They did not tell anyone else (except maybe her family. I’m not even sure!).  They didn’t refer to each other as husband and wife after it.  They talked to everyone else as though they were engaged and not married.  I can totally understand not wanting to “be married” for a year.  But I think it would totally make financial sense to go ahead and do it but still treat everything else as though you are engaged.  You can wait a year to do literally everything else (merge finances, change your name, all that stuff). My brother’s big wedding was still incredibly special, especially because that was when they could officially commit to one another in front of all their friends and family.

Post # 38
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

And I totally realize that I never gave my fellow Seattle Bee a *hug*.  Sorry for my oversight!!  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 40
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - Salvage One, Chicago

I was added to my then-fiance’s health plan via the ‘domestic partnership’ route.  If someone is telling you it can only be a partner of the same gender, I would confirm with the insurance rep.  Otherwise, I support the ‘legal marriage immediately and still have the wedding next year’ route.   Let us know what you decide!

Post # 41
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

I didn’t read all the replies but what about becoming domestic partners? Then you’re not legally married yet but you’re eligible for his insurance plan. I looked into this when I was unemployed and we were going to take that route – fortunately I ended up getting a job within one month and we didn’t have to do that, but it would have worked for us. Look into a bit further!

Post # 42
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We were n the exact same dilemma. We had a destination wedding planned for November in Jamaica. We were paying $800 a month for Cobra. NOTE: I tried like heck to get another cheaper private plan but if you have any health problems, you are rated higher. Until it was all said and done Cobra was the cheapest way to go. We were OK with that until I found out it takes 8-10 weeks to receive your marriage certificate from Jamaica. That made our Cobra $6000 until the wedding. I was not OK with that. We chose a courthouse ceremony and a vow renewal in Jamaica.

DO NOT go without health insurance.it is not worth the risk. God forbid but one major illness or accident will eat up your wedding money and then some. We told everyone because I can’t keep a secret and I wanted us to wear our rings. It was really simple and now we will have two “anniversaries” to celebrate.

There are several other threads on this subject on the boards. It is much more common than I thought and there are very good reasons for going this route. Insurance is a very good reason.

Post # 43
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We were n the exact same dilemma. We had a destination wedding planned for November in Jamaica. We were paying $800 a month for Cobra. NOTE: I tried like heck to get another cheaper private plan but if you have any health problems, you are rated higher. Until it was all said and done Cobra was the cheapest way to go. We were OK with that until I found out it takes 8-10 weeks to receive your marriage certificate from Jamaica. That made our Cobra $6000 until the wedding. I was not OK with that. We chose a courthouse ceremony and a vow renewal in Jamaica.

DO NOT go without health insurance.it is not worth the risk. God forbid but one major illness or accident will eat up your wedding money and then some. We told everyone because I can’t keep a secret and I wanted us to wear our rings. It was really simple and now we will have two “anniversaries” to celebrate.

There are several other threads on this subject on the boards. It is much more common than I thought and there are very good reasons for going this route. Insurance is a very good reason.

Post # 44
Member
5949 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

***HUG****

Feelings are feelings, and everyone is entitled to theirs, you’ve got your reasons for wanting what you want, getting legally married for the health insurance is a very sensible thing, considering you suffer from medical problems that require expensive medication as well as the looming threat of an emergency situation, which no one can ever plan for, that could totall wipe our your wedding fund in like thirty seconds…plus consider the fact that unless it’s open enrollment time with your FI’s company, there will more than likely be a waiting period for your coverage to fully mature and include all of your current medical conditions…those range from 30 – 120 days of waiting…so I know it’s not ideal, but neither is running without insurance…tell yourself that the courthouse marriage is merely a Medical Insurance Ceremony, dress up like a nurse, Fiance like a doctor, whatever, make it fun, make it palatable…have your wedding later, you can have your cake and eat it too, just takes a little creative emotional reconciliation on your part.

 

Good luck!

Post # 45
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

View original reply
@scarlet_letter:  we had a similar problem in our house. We went to the courthouse and got married here it is almost a year later and my wedding is in a month. Its so prevelant now a days that no one cares if your already married. I even have friends that did the legal marriage route and told no one they were married they told everyone they were engaged. Plus its so much less stressfull planning while your married. Its one less thing you have to worry about!

Post # 46
Member
2899 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have close friends who got legally married at city hall about six months before their wedding because the wife was losing her health insurance. They didn’t make a big deal about it, didn’t wear their wedding rings and still called each other fiance/e until the day of their wedding ceremony (technically a vow renewal, I guess, though we all thought of it as their actual ceremony) and reception. A lot of people knew about it, and none of us thought any less of their wedding for it. We all still went to the bachelor/bachelorette parties, threw a wedding shower and brought gifts and cards to the ceremony. In their hearts, that was the day they got married for real – and that’s what mattered to us, as people who loved them. While formal etiquette can be important in many ways, I think it should generally be a positive thing – something to make our guests feel comfortable and welcome – and it can sometimes be ignored when there are more important things at stake. 

Wishing you lots of luck and health, whatever you decide to do!

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