(Closed) I am really confused. Could use some advice, and a hug.

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 48
6734 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Sorry if I’m repeating other PPs, since I didn’t read them, but I don’t understand why you and Fiance can’t go have a civil ceremony and not tell anyone (personally, I don’t know why anyone would think that it’s not OK to go get a civil marriage done and then have a ceremony and reception later in front of all your family and friends).  Or, go get a domestic partnership if your state has that.  As for health insurance, have you looked into Cobra?  You don’t have to pay right away for it – I think they give you 60 days to apply it retroactively.  You should look into it. Also, look into medicaid.

Post # 49
509 posts
Busy bee

I’m not sure how health insurance stuff works in the US, but in Canada you can qualify as a common law spouse which would meet your needs without having to change your plans. If need be, you could go ahead with the legal union and not tell anyone.  I know some people might think it’s unkind to keep everyone in he dark (particularly your family members) but I’m sure if you let your wedding officiant know that you’re already technically married, they can certainly keep that in confidence.  Just because your family loves you doesn’t mean that they have to know everything about your decision.

Also, something to look into – is it possible for you to let your doctor know of your situation and see if he/she can provide you with samples of your meds from the pharma reps? My famiily doc is wonderful and saves me the $150 a month it would cost for one of my scripts.  Alternatively, you could try reaching the drug company itself and see if they can help you out as a stop-gap?

Being out of work sucks but I’m hoping that it will be a short and temporary thing for you!

Post # 50
47 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m confused as to why you can’t do the whole she-bang now?  If you have the money saved up now, and you need the insurance now, just move up your whole timeline 6 months or so.  Yes, it would suck to be rushed, but then you wouldn’t need to lie to your guests and/or have two seperate “weddings”.

Post # 52
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I totally understand. I would not have wanted to rush a courthouse marriage just for insurance purposes.  Even though I’m sure your friends & family will completely understand, I know I’d feel like a little something was taken away from my wedding day (for me at least).

I do think the Domestic Partner insurance is probably your best bet, or if you are under 26 and can be added to your parents’ insurance.  Cobra is way expensive, but some states have options that are much more affordable – check here for Washington:  http://www.insurance.wa.gov/consumers/health/lost-your-job.shtml

Post # 53
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

For what it’s worth I have a friend who ended up doing a legal ceremony a few months before the wedding because her über conservative mother missed when they discovered she was pregnant.  The mom then also insisted the wedding be officially a vow renewal.  I thought it was  dumb that they couldn’t call it a wedding.  Wo cares when the legal wedding happens?  But in the end the “vow renewal” was exactly like the wedding wou,d have been with a few words changed in the ceremony.  It didn’t take away fthe the day one tiny bit.  

My opinion though is call it a wedding not a vow renewal. That etiquette stuff is lost on me.

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