(Closed) I am rubbing her nose in it? Advice please

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

no, I don’t think you are.  I think that was a very nice gesture but I’m sorry she took it the wrong way.  clearly she’s feeling overly sensitive so maybe try to talk to her and explain that it wasn’t your intention, you were just trying to lighten her burden.

Post # 4
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Pride is a bitch! You were only trying to help since you know she would’ve rejected your offer to pay. She’ll come around, BUT don’t do it again! Perhaps there are other ways you can help out, like hang out at her place for dinner just pick up take out so she doesn’t have to actually watch you pay for her share.

Post # 5
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

i could see her being upset about your very nice deed. without talkingt o her about your intentions she may have projected a whole bunch of things onto that action. i would give her a day or 2 to calm down and then juts let her know that you knowshe would do anything for you, and you were just trying to do the same, then let it be at that. 

moey can be a really tricky thing!

Post # 6
Member
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Simply Pride.  Just apologize (even though I think what you did is SO sweet) for offending her and move on.  Her bill is paid, which is all that matters.  She’s just embarrassed that it needed to be done.

Post # 7
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I dont think that is rubbing her nose in it at all, I have done things like this quite a few times for my mom and I it out of the goodness of my heart.  Your sister should not be so negative and really appreciate that you love her and are just trying to help her out, as you would hope she would do the same for you.

Post # 8
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Hurting someone’s pride can sting harder than physically hurting someone. She is probably just stressed out of her wits and bc you’re  her sister, its easier to go off on you than other people/things/situations. Have a heart-to-heart to explin why and what you did and if you still really want to help and she;s willing, maybe you could “hire” her to do small jobs around your house (cleaning, lawn, baby/dog sitting). 

Post # 9
Member
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@ashasmith:  You’re not rubbing her nose in it. Try explaining it to her the way you explained it to us. Maybe if you send her an email or letter it would be better received than in person. I find sisters take their frustrations out on each other more than most other people, so keep that in mind. You’re family so she can get upset with you (in her mind). It’ll pass. I think what you did was a nice gesture.

Post # 10
Member
3305 posts
Sugar bee

She is ungrateful. I would love it if someone just picked up a bill for me and paid it. I am so sorry she responded that way. You did NOTHING wrong.

Post # 11
Member
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

When you have it, share it.  When you don’t, allow others to share with you.  You’re struggled to make ends meet, so you know what it’s like.  Now that you have a little more disposable income, you’re just passing it on.  When she gets through this rough patch, she can help someone else who is having a hard time.

Post # 12
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Aww.  I think that was so sweet and thoughtful.

Shes lucky to have you as a sister and unfortunately, she didn’t show Her appreciation.

Shes having a rough time and might be a little depressed so she cannot appreciate your intended thought.

You did a nice thing, someday she will see that.

Post # 13
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This is really tough. YOu know you did the right thing, but the emotions are getting the best of her right now.

I would explain to her that it was a loan, and you know she’ll get things sorted and she can pay you back when she’s ready. It may help her feel like less of a charity case.

Post # 14
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

If she’s so hurt about it maybe ask her to pay you back someday? (But then don’t actually expect the money)

Post # 15
Member
13248 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@GoldfishPie:  That’s a great idea! 

I think you hurt her pride, and she’s embarrassed that you had to pay her bills.  I wouldn’t let her comments bother you, and move on. 

Post # 16
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Sometimes you can’t win but at least you know you did it for the right reasons. That is all that matters. 

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