Post # 1
I am having a bit of trouble right now with my sister. Here is the back story my sister is starting college and her life is falling apart. She has been with her boyfriend for the past 7 years and he was been unemployed for the past 2. She recently broke up with him and now she is having problems paying her bills, she works fulltime and is still struggling financially.
I went to hangout with her on on wednesday and found out the power company is going to cut off the lights b/c she is so far behind. Her cut off notice was on the couch when I came over. I only wanted to help out and she is way to proud to ask or except help.I bought us lunch and we talk when, I left I took her bill with me with out her knowledge and paid it on the way home. I paid the bill and said nothing about it because, I wanted to do a little something to make things a little easier on her. And she won’t accept money from me so I just thought I would take out the middle man.
Well she found out today that I paid the bill. She was really mad and said that just because I had a man to pay my bills that I didn’t need to rub her nose in the fact that I had money and a good man and she doesn’t.
I Love her and I am only trying to help her through a rough time and I only recently started to have any extra money, heck less than 4 months ago I was rolling my pennies for gas. I am I really rubbing her nose in the fact that I am doing a little better than her right now? How can I fix this? I feel awful that I upset her I love her she is my sister and my bff.
Post # 3
no, I don’t think you are. I think that was a very nice gesture but I’m sorry she took it the wrong way. clearly she’s feeling overly sensitive so maybe try to talk to her and explain that it wasn’t your intention, you were just trying to lighten her burden.
Post # 4
Pride is a bitch! You were only trying to help since you know she would’ve rejected your offer to pay. She’ll come around, BUT don’t do it again! Perhaps there are other ways you can help out, like hang out at her place for dinner just pick up take out so she doesn’t have to actually watch you pay for her share.
Post # 5
i could see her being upset about your very nice deed. without talkingt o her about your intentions she may have projected a whole bunch of things onto that action. i would give her a day or 2 to calm down and then juts let her know that you knowshe would do anything for you, and you were just trying to do the same, then let it be at that.
moey can be a really tricky thing!
Post # 6
Simply Pride. Just apologize (even though I think what you did is SO sweet) for offending her and move on. Her bill is paid, which is all that matters. She’s just embarrassed that it needed to be done.
Post # 7
I dont think that is rubbing her nose in it at all, I have done things like this quite a few times for my mom and I it out of the goodness of my heart. Your sister should not be so negative and really appreciate that you love her and are just trying to help her out, as you would hope she would do the same for you.
Post # 8
Hurting someone’s pride can sting harder than physically hurting someone. She is probably just stressed out of her wits and bc you’re her sister, its easier to go off on you than other people/things/situations. Have a heart-to-heart to explin why and what you did and if you still really want to help and she;s willing, maybe you could “hire” her to do small jobs around your house (cleaning, lawn, baby/dog sitting).
Post # 9
@ashasmith: You’re not rubbing her nose in it. Try explaining it to her the way you explained it to us. Maybe if you send her an email or letter it would be better received than in person. I find sisters take their frustrations out on each other more than most other people, so keep that in mind. You’re family so she can get upset with you (in her mind). It’ll pass. I think what you did was a nice gesture.
Post # 10
She is ungrateful. I would love it if someone just picked up a bill for me and paid it. I am so sorry she responded that way. You did NOTHING wrong.
Post # 11
When you have it, share it. When you don’t, allow others to share with you. You’re struggled to make ends meet, so you know what it’s like. Now that you have a little more disposable income, you’re just passing it on. When she gets through this rough patch, she can help someone else who is having a hard time.
Post # 12
Aww. I think that was so sweet and thoughtful.
Shes lucky to have you as a sister and unfortunately, she didn’t show Her appreciation.
Shes having a rough time and might be a little depressed so she cannot appreciate your intended thought.
You did a nice thing, someday she will see that.
Post # 13
This is really tough. YOu know you did the right thing, but the emotions are getting the best of her right now.
I would explain to her that it was a loan, and you know she’ll get things sorted and she can pay you back when she’s ready. It may help her feel like less of a charity case.
Post # 14
If she’s so hurt about it maybe ask her to pay you back someday? (But then don’t actually expect the money)
Post # 15
@GoldfishPie: That’s a great idea!
I think you hurt her pride, and she’s embarrassed that you had to pay her bills. I wouldn’t let her comments bother you, and move on.
Post # 16
Sometimes you can’t win but at least you know you did it for the right reasons. That is all that matters.