(Closed) I am seriously fuming right now..

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
14658 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

That’s pretty rude to just accuse.  And at the same time I’d be pretty put off by your response too and pretty much prepared to not have much of a relationship with them, if there was one to begin with.  Is there some bad history there already? 

Post # 5
4824 posts
Honey bee

She was being presumptuous, but I think she sent a nicely phrased letter. I think your response was too harsh. I think a better response would have been

“Dear So and So

We had a great time at the show, however I did not sign you up for anything there.  I personally do not have your contact information to be able to sign you up. I will ask my Fiance if he did and will let him know that you asked that he not sign you up for anything in the future.

It sounds like a good opportunity about the honeymoon, too bad you cant go.



Post # 6
1955 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Sorry, but I don’t think she was accusing you of anything. She said you may have signed us up… I don’t her tone was rude, either.  Yeah, she probably have asked you instead of putting it that particular way, but I don’t think the way she said it was rude. And i agree with pinkshoes that your response was a bit rude. I understand that you think she was accusing you, but your response definitely escalated the situation. It’s really hard to read most tones via e-mail, but the tone of your e-mail was pretty darn clear. She may have been presumptuous in her assumption, but I don’t think the way you responded was really warranted. It seems like you guys had some issues in the past, are you sure that you’re not letting that cloud your judgment of what she wrote?

Post # 7
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

She should have asked if you had done it instead of saying she thinks that you did. However, I do think you could have worded your response more gently if you wanted to maintain close or even a civil relationship with her. If it was me, next time I would wait a while before sending the response so I could cool down and reread it.

Post # 8
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@crh1729: I think your response to her was overly harsh and will just give her more ammunition to not like you in the future.

She shouldn’t have presumed you signed them up, but she wasn’t outright rude to you.

I agree with the PPs that you could have been more delicate with your wording. She is going to be “family” after all you might as well try to mend the relationship rather than outright burn bridges.

Ooops… misread and thought she was FI’s brother’s Fiance. But still, if your FI’s Bridesmaid or Best Man is a good friend, you are going to have to spend time with this girl anyway.

Post # 9
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

The way I read it, she sent you a respectful email (though you are right, she should have asked first instead of assuming you signed her up for that stuff) and you kind of went off on her.

It looks very immature when people send emails like that. You should always answer with restaint and class and never write emails when you’re pissed! I’ve done that before and regretted it after. It just never results in anything good.

Perhaps you should write a follow up, non defensive email and just say “Sorry I got angry, I’ve been stressed out. I did not sign you up for anything. Next time if there’s an issue just ask first and we can straighten it out.”

Post # 11
46682 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

She was a little presumptuous, but your response was hardly a model of tact.

As she is your FI’s BM’s Fiance, I suggest you immediately send an email, apologizing for your first response and just assure her that you would never sign anyone else up for something without their knowledge.

As an aside, there are no such things as free honeymoons from attending a seminar. These are an entirely different matter than a grand prize giveaway at a bridal fair. They may give you a couple of nights in a hotel but you will end up paying $$$ for travel, a time share etc etc etc.

Post # 12
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@crh1729: That’s why written text is SO hard. You never know the tone 100%. In situations like this it is usually better to take the high road.

It is much harder for someone to be a b*tch to you if you don’t give them ammunition.

Kill her with kindness, don’t play her games and don’t stoop to her level, it only gives more fuel to the fire.

Post # 13
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I don’t really blame you for being upset in this situation. I think what she said was rude and uncalled for even if she was politely bitchy. Yeah, your response might have been a little harsh too, but like I said, I don’t really blame you for it. I can definitely tell there is some history there. Maybe it’s best if you two don’t really try to be friends. Be nice to each other casually since it’s obvious you have friends in common, but it doesn’t sound like you have the buddings of a good relationship here. lol. Hopefully you guys get everything worked out a bit so you can at least be friendly on occassion! Good luck!

Post # 16
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@crh1729: It does suck when you can’t be friends with someone who is obviously close to one of your FI’s good friends. But as much as it pains you, being civil and taking the high road will always make you look better to everyone else (even if she doesn’t get it).

I can understand the emotion in your response, it is hard to take the high road when you feel someone is needling you. But that’s just what people who needle you want. They only poke the sleeping tiger because they want a reaction.

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