(Closed) I am seriously panicking about sending the invites out…..PLEASE HELP!

posted 8 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

This is one thing I do not miss in planning a wedding.

I dont have any advice but I feel for you. I know how it is..

Sorry Frown

Post # 4
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I just sent out my save the dates today so i haven’t had to deal with this yet… but i’ll keep my fingers crossed for you that you have smooth sailing 🙂

Post # 5
1221 posts
Bumble bee

I have had to deal with something similar. But it was the Future Mother-In-Law telling people from HER church that they are going to be invited.. but Fiance cut them and decided to invite more family… and she was all upset because it was his dads side of the family.

I dont know what people want us to do.. LOL

We have planned for 120… 125 the most but invited 130. I hope it works out so only 120 show up LOL

Post # 6
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Here’s what you say:  I wish we had the resources to accommodate everyone, but we were unable to.  

Or:  we had to make some really difficult decisions and are having a very small, intimate wedding.

And to Future Mother-In-Law:  I’m sorry you invited ‘cousin’ in error, as she isn’t on the guest list.  Would you please call her to correct yourself.

and to the sister:  I hope you’ll have adequate time to find childcare.  We are really looking forward to having you and your husband there.

Here’s the thing – you made your decision and not everyone is going to agree with it.  But, guess what.  It’s your wedding.  Not their’s.  


Post # 7
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wait till you send them out and have to track em down for not sending back their RSVP. Or when you get the phone call from an out of town friend who is flying in for the wedding to ask you how they are going to get around. It just keeps getting better my friend.

Post # 8
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

@oracle: i like all these approaches.  stick to your guns.

Post # 9
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m sorry that happened, but I think it happens to everyone!  Someone’s feelings are bound to get hurt!  And honestly, I don’t think you owe anyone any explaination, you do what you have to do and just tell them “sorry”  and then you can roll your eyes (j/k).

The drama happened for us after the wedding!  A couple of days after coming home from our Aruba wedding the DH’s cousin pitches a fit and cries about how she wasn’t invited!  Why say something about how hurt you are AFTER the wedding, if it bothered her so much, she should have let us know in the beginning, not AFTER!!  Needless to say, we not on speaking terms!

Post # 10
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I just wanted to let you know I am in the same boat, only Future Mother-In-Law said, well you just have to plan for a lot of extra people showing up


I had no clue what to say to that. we have assigned tables, escort cards, and invitations that say the number of seats reserved. How can she just expect me to plan for extras. No, I don’t think so. Along with not having the finances, or not being able to plan for these “extras” we are at capacity for the venue.



Post # 11
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@oracle:I agree with all your responces!

You need to just stick with what you have decided! No and ifs or buts!

Post # 12
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Ugh – how can people be so crazy? I know they want to have everyone there and not leave anyone out… but don’t they understand that its a money issue?!

A week after we got engaged (basically the next time we saw my in-laws) my Future Mother-In-Law handed us a list of 75 people that they wanted us to invite. I was a little put off… we totally would have asked her for a list of people – she couldn’t have waited? (although my FH is 35 and his mom has been dying for him to get hitched and have babies so I’m sure she’s had the list written for awhile!)

Luckily, once we explained that the venue we love holds a max of 100 people – they were comfortable parring down. We compared our list with theirs and cut down by a lot. Still – my family & parent’s friends comes to a total of 10 people (small family) and his family & parent’s friends comes to a total of 38. The rest will be our friends.

Post # 14
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

This I am worrying about too.  Rather than invite all my cousins and aunts and uncles (who live back home and I don’t  see that often) I am sending them nice announcements of our wedding.

I know money is tight and alot of people can’t come, but we’re going to do our best to invite as many as we can, but not sure if they would come anyway.

So…my rule is if you don’t talk for like a year or more, like physically pick up a phone and talk, no invite to you!

Post # 15
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I totally understand!  I almost found it funny when my mother was “shocked” that I had no intention of inviting all of her siblings (who I do not know at all).  So finally we agreed to invite all of her siblings.  Then she was “shocked” when I said I wasn’t going to write “+1” for her sister who is not in a relationship – she thought that was rude. 

I tried to politely say that we’re limited by the number of people the venue can hold, and since we’re paying for everything ourselves, I think people will understand (i.e. if you’re not paying for it, I don’t think you get a say in who is invited!!). 

And if it helps at all, before sending our invites out two weeks ago I also had a few moments of panic!  I’m just trying to focus on the happy and not the negatives 🙂  My married friends keep telling me that it all works out in the end and all the things we stress about leading up to it are quickly forgotten … here’s hoping!  Good luck!

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