(Closed) I am so drained

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

It probably would have been better to tell them how many people they got to have. I would have your Fiance go back and say unfortunately that is too many, and they need to pare it down to “x” amount. However they choose to do that is up to them.

Post # 5
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would have Fiance talk to his parents.  Maybe they missed something?  If any of them are kids, I can’t imagine trying to drag them to the Capital Grille maybe use that as an out?   Awwww this just sucks.

Post # 6
Member
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mockblock:  Who are the 18? (Siblings? aunts? etc) And are you excluding your siblings or you have none?

What I’m getting at is it’s hard to judge from your post whether it’s just that your Fiance has a bigger family.

Post # 7
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Your fiance needs to handle this. He needs (or should have already) given them an amount that they could invite. I know it sounds stressful, but it’s possible they really don’t know how big/small the wedding is and just thought that 18 people was reasonable. Either way, you need to have your fiance handle it since it’s his family. 

Post # 9
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Did they missuderstand and think you meant 20 just for their side? I’d just talk to them and explain.

Post # 11
Member
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mockblock:  First, +1 to those who say your fiance needs to handle it. (Oops, I see he’s deployed). And what I think you need to say is: immediate family and grandparents only. So his parents, brother + SIL, sister, and any surviving grandparents. To the people who want to invite the aunts and uncles: sorry, but it’s a small wedding.

If they complain about your aunt and uncle (and they don’t need to know about them until the day) then you point out that they are closer, and you aren’t inviting and siblings so his family still has a larger representation.

Post # 12
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@mockblock:  I’d blame it on the venue.  I’d thank them profusely for sending you the list, but, the venue can only accomodate ‘x’ more people.  What does your Fiance think of the list?  Who of their 18 does HE want there?

Post # 14
Member
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mockblock:  Are there other aunts and uncles on your side, who you aren’t inviting? Because then you can tell FI’s parents, “We aren’t inviting aunts and uncles either (with one exception)”.

Post # 16
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I know exactly how you feel.

I have mum, 2 sisters and 2 nephews. So family members for my side is tiny.

My FI’s side? Easily 50+ and that’s just the main aunts/uncles. If we included his great aunts/cousins it’d be more like 70 his side. 

Well, right away I wanted a small wedding. I tried to get just parents/grand parents and siblings… but before i knew it we’re at 50 and 30 of them are his side. the rest of the bridal party and ourselves basically.  I just didn’t want his family to look around and see how small mine is. (Edited to add, and honestly since we’re paying for it all ourselves, i didn’t want to fork over a ton of money for people i barely know!) My mum is estranged from her family, and my dad’s not in the picture so it’s only ever been just the three girls and our mum. so i feel super overwhelmed by allllllllll the relatives my Fiance has. But marriage is all about compromise, so 50 it is! 

And Future Mother-In-Law wanted to add more! But luckily Fiance stepped in and said no. 

Since that’s not an option for you, i’d just simpled state: “You’re over by X, please cut a few guests or I will” 😛

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