(Closed) I am SO MAD and need to vent about FI

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Eek. This sounds like a trainwreck. Honestly, if Fiance had kept something like this from me.. I think that might have been the end. That’s pretty screwed up that it can affect your credit. Have you guys sought couple’s counseling? I know you don’t want to move back the wedding and FULLY understand, but financial problems are the #1 reason for divorce.. I’d definitely advise you get this in order and work together on both the monetary and resentment issues before you say “I Do”.

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation, and YOU are not the biggest loser alive!!

Post # 4
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it sounds incredibly frusterating and tough! I have no personal experience with a situation like this but I wanted to send you a virtual ((hug)). Keep your head up. There was a reason you said “yes” to this man and if he is as determined to pay this off as he appears to be, he seems like a good guy who wants to make it right for his family. Hopefully he’ll learn a lesson with all this. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Obviously, you have some justified resentment building up. Counseling will help you. If you have doubts about the marriage, don’t do it. Screw everyone’s plane tix. That’s a temporary inconvenience. Divorce is far more complicated! 

Also, I hope you are being honest with him about your feelings. Communication and mutual problem solving are so important in these situations! You guys are a team now, if you choose to move forth. It can’t be “me vs. him,” because that sets a couple up for failure. Would it help if you made a list of what you’re grateful for? That might give you some counterpoints for when you feel despair.

Post # 7
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Oh wow, I totally feel for you. My SO has a ton of debt too, from setting up his business, and I’m fully aware of it but it’s still daunting. It wont stop me saying ‘yes’ when the time comes, and I doubt it would have for you either. Of course your Fiance should have told you, obviously, but that argument has been and gone and you’ve decided to stick it out. So now it’s about moving forward in the situation you’re in. I haven’t read your previous post but good on you two for seeking the credit counseling and working together to dig your way out. You’ll get past this. I wish you the best!

Post # 9
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@fivemonthsnotice:  good luck with everything.  hopefully things go well at the credit counsellor’s office.

Post # 10
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@StuporDuck:  Obviously, you have some justified resentment building up. Counseling will help you. If you have doubts about the marriage, don’t do it. Screw everyone’s plane tix. That’s a temporary inconvenience. Divorce is far more complicated! 

Agreed.

I remember in your original post there was mention of doing a pre-nup to protect yourself due to this situation; is that something that has been discussed further?

I think the bottom line of this though is that he hid something HUGE from you and you feel betrayed and you have the RIGHT to feel that way! It’s sort of the same emotions involved with infidelity. My heart goes out to you completely and I am SO sorry you are going through this. But you absolutely have the right to be angry, FURIOUS even, and I don’t think you should try and bottle that up. There are consequences to what has happened and you shouldn’t suffer them alone!

 

Post # 11
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I may get flamed to hell for this.

Can you cancel the wedding? I don’t mean the marriage- go to city hall and get legally wed. You may lose deposits but will save whatever you might have spent. You can use what you would have spent on the wedding to pay down some more debt.

Post # 14
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@StuporDuck: Who knew!

@futuremrsfitz18:  No flaming coming from me, but I just wanted to say I think the main concern is whether she should be MARRIED to this guy who has kept something so BIG from her. I would wager just the cost of the wedding isn’t the only concern. There’s a lot of betrayal and hurt to be overcome, I imagine. OP, if I’m putting words in your mouth, forgive me!

Post # 16
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

 I am HAPPY he sold his truck. That is 5 K to go towards his 60 plus K of debt

I would keep a close eye on that 5K to make sure ALL of it goes toward the debt. If he spent any of it on unnecessary things, that would be the last straw for me.

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