(Closed) I am so sad about my wedding….

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

If they are so against a small wedding why don’t you elope? Just bringing it up may be enough for the family be happy with a small wedding.

Post # 5
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I bet the main issue is that your family thinks they will look poor if you have a small wedding. Show them that a small wedding is more about intimacy and they can be nice by showing them real weddings from here and other blogs like off beat bride.

Post # 6
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

The best revenge is to live well.  I say this politely, but fuck your mother in law.  Who gives a damn what she thinks.  Let her throw her little pity party, her son chose you and now she needs to get over it.

Try to accomodate your guests and wedding as best as you can, but still, please, make yourself happy.

Work this wedding and OWN IT.  BE HAPPY.  And I am sure your Fiance is also excited!!  You cannot please everyone, so don’t try.  But I am certain you can please yourself, it is, after all, your day!

Post # 7
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Just remember throughout it all… Even if every detail goes wrong and everyone is upset for their own reasons, it’s YOURS and your FIANCES wedding, not theirs and at the end of they day the two of you will be HUSBAND AND WIFE! That thought gets me through all the drama that seems to happen with wedding planning.

Post # 8
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

People are often critical when you are not traditional.I have found that it is easier to to keep your ideas to yourself and surprise everyone.Has your mom offered to assist you financially with the wedding? If not, she shouldn’t be complaining about how many guests are attending.good luck with everything!

Post # 9
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

aw, chin up, sweetie.  it’s tough enough to go through all the stress of wedding planning, and even harder to do it without lots of supportive people around you.

the wedding you’re describing sounds lovely and tasteful, and I hope your family and Ffamily comes around to seeing it the way you do.

I’m a pretty non-traditional bride as well, and although my mom is amazingly supportive (I think her mom was pretty critical and micro-manage-y, so she has always been very careful not to be like that), I’ve seen plenty of big eyes and poorly disguised judginess from some people who’ve asked me about my plans. (example: person – “what’s your dress like!?” me – “it’s 30s-inspired, light grey, with a full skirt that hits just below the knee.” person – “GREY!???  and it’s not FLOOR LENGTH??!?  um, okAAAY but are you SURE that’s what you want?”)

some people are bound to be disappointed by your choices [no matter what they are], but they’re YOURS.  hopefully, with time your mom will see how happy your own plans make you, and maybe will be less disapproving about you being ‘not traditional enough.’

good luck!  let us know how things go.

Post # 11
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@butterfly1988:  While it’s so nice of you to think about others and their feelings, I would say this is the time to start thinking about what YOU want for yourself.

Giving in to people, even if it’s small things, it’s not a good idea, especially because today is wedding related, tomorrow it could be about your kids, or private matters. You do not want to start your new life with your Fiance as a pushover. 

I’m experience a lot of the same things, Mom wants a large wedding 150+ guests while we want 100, also wants open bar when we don’t care for alcoholic beverages, Future Mother-In-Law wants to invite random people who are NEVER even get in touch with groom and the list goes on..

What I realized is that I had to start doing what made ME happy. With that said I try to be as soft and kind as I can, and I began to politely decline a lot of opinions (everyone has their own unfortunately). One of my biggest battles is dealing with the TONS of useless information my Future Mother-In-Law gives me on wedding stuff TOTALLY unrelated to our theme and/or colors even when I remind her it doesn’t fit the theme (how annoying..) She has now moved on to try to feed the groom with the same ideas, which is aggravating since we both have decided on certain things, and she just confuses him further!

It’s sad your Future Mother-In-Law isn’t taking it well, but don’t dwell on it, Keep yourself calm, cool & collected and carry on your plans. Allow her to jump on board when she is ready but don’t wait around for her, and keep her role minimal to avoid stress. Try to mantain your cool at all times so she can’t use anything against you.

When it comes to your mom, kindly remind her that it’s your wedding day and although you understand she sees you are her little girl and only wants the best for you, you actually have different views on what the best for you is. Make sure to choose a dress you LOVE, you do not want to look back at pictures and regret it.

Most importantly, try to have fun with planning, envision your day and what you want to see there, then follow that thought! I had to remind myself a lot of things were out of my control and people would always have something to say but at the end of the day I give them a polite yet firm, “no thank you”.

 

Enjoy this journey with your FH and relax πŸ™‚

Post # 13
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Congrats on finding your dress! So exciting! What does it look like? πŸ™‚

From one people-pleaser to another… don’t. Don’t try to make anyone happy but you and your fiance, because it isn’t going to happen. All you’ll end up doing is either compromising or flat-out giving up on things you really want, and you’ll regret it!

The people you’re trying so hard to please don’t appreciate your efforts, not really. Not trying to say they’re bad people by any means (well, your Future Mother-In-Law sounds like a piece of work), but they’ll either drop the subject entirely once they get what they want and you’ll be unhappy, or they’ll just find something else to complain about. They may be well-meaning, but try to help them understand that you know what you’re doing to have the wedding of your dreams! πŸ™‚

When your wedding day comes, most people will forget about the stuff they thought was SO IMPORTANT and they’ll have a good time. 

Post # 14
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@butterfly1988:  

I hope everything is getting better!  Usually when parents dont give the support that we need, it is because they are dealing with something in themselves. It is hard to be your own parent, and it can feel lonely.  Just realize that only you know what you need to be happy. Take other’s suggestions to heart and be honest with yourself.  We support you!  Stay strong.

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