(Closed) I am so SICK of his family!!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
404 posts
Helper bee

@LadyElva:  I don’t have much advice i’m afraid, but I think expecting you to call them “mum and dad” is way weird. I think there’s having a good relationship and then there’s them trying to adopt you. You marrying their son, not looking for new parents.

I think basically, what i’m ver badly attempting to say is, yeah, that’s a bit too much, and I would feel the exact same as you do.

Post # 5
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Yikes. I would be sick of them, too. That’s just a whole collection of bad right there. I would stay AWAY from Future Father-In-Law when he’s been drinking, and if he touches you, I think you *have* to speak up and tell him it makes you uncomfortable. His behavior is *not* okay.

Post # 8
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think on this occasion, given the nature of your visit, I wouldn’t have stayed with the Future In-Laws at all.  As you stated, it was the only reason you were there, and it sounds like the Future In-Laws noses were a bit out of joint because of that – they knew that if his friend’s brother hadn’t died, you wouldn’t have been there at all.

They obviously feel your Fiance doesn’t see them enough as it is, and perhaps they felt like they were just being used as a handy place to stay, that you didn’t want to have to interact with them socially at all.  I’m just playing devil’s advocate here, I know how weird family can be about stuff like this.  And I agree that just once they could have put their own feelings aside, not made it about them. 

With my ex H, I always made sure that there were at least a couple of occasions a year that we went back to our hometown and didn’t interact with his parents at all (mine had moved away)…we didn’t even let them know we would be there.  I didn’t want every single trip back to have to mean spending hours with them…and I liked my former in laws!  I wanted the odd trip back to be just about us seeing our old home and spending time with friends without the parental guilt trip. 

Post # 9
Member
404 posts
Helper bee

@LadyElva:  I think the part that bugs me the most would be the how to dress, that’s just so damn rude!

Sounds like they’re too busy guilt tripping to even enjoy your stay, wouldn’t it be better if they made sure you had an awesome time so you’d want to come back?

I’d be so freaked out by someone calling me their daughter when I’d met them as an adult, or being expected to call them parental names. To me, that would be so forced and uncomfortable =/

Post # 12
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

sorry but you are marrying them.  they are your family forever.  Seems like you only wanted to go there to crash for free at their house.  Maybe that’s why they are bothered ?

Post # 15
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We used to get guilt trips CONSTANTLY. My husband eventually had to say to his parents, “We will visit you exactly once every month. When we are visiting, we we want to talk about positive subjects.” 

Also, any time they lectured him about work (before his dream job came along) or home buying or investments, he had to say, “Thank you for your opinion, but I have decided how I want to handle X.” 

They used to treat him like a child. Now they don’t like that he’s demanding they treat him like an adult, but they’re not giving us crap every time we visit. 

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