(Closed) I am so tired of it…. :( (venting)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

i don’t really know what advice i can give you, but i didn’t want to read and run, i would however tell him that him changing his mind is hurting you and that you just want to know where you stand, i understand accepting you will not be having anymore children is hard enough but then getting used to the idea of actually having one to have it taken away again is devestating. you really need to talk things through with your husband, he may be running scared, becoming a parent as you know can be scary. if however you are happy to go with either decision, tell him this straight out, but make it clear you want the answer to be a final one this time. good luck and i hope the two of you can come to some agreement about this. (((hugs)))

Post # 4
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

 I had my first baby at 17 and I want one really bad now.  I am turning 40 soon.  I can’t because I had my tubes tied.  I got a puppy.

 

My husband goes with the flow too and never makes an effin decision on his own so annoying.  I say that you guys go to counseling for this because this seriously could break your marriage!  Do you honestly want to start over again, ask yourself that over and over.  I now know that if we would have had a child it would have been a mistake.  I, too, like you want to live my life, travel, hell do whatever I want.  My kids are in college and I gotta get them through that.  My puppy fills the void, she really does, I love her as if she is my baby.

 

I wish you and your husband to make the right decision.  Counseling can head you in the right direction.  And YOU won’t be making the decision that could make or break your relationship.

Post # 6
Member
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Oh, hon!  I’m in the same situation and we kept going back and forth on what we want.  My husband is famous for “going with the flow” and even though that’s a wonderful quality in general, it drives me down right crazy.  We finally sat down and had a heart-to-heart, making what was our final decision.  Even though we’ve both still had fears and worries since then, we’ve remained on the same page.  Would this be his first child?  My husband was pretty freaked about having his first child with me (we have a two year old together now).  It’s just an emotional thing and both of your emotions are running high right now, it will calm down again and you’ll be able to talk. 

Having a child (as you already know) will bring trying moments… when he feels ready to talk again, reassure him that you two are able to navigate any situation you face together, whether that’s facing the fears of a life changing event or managing the stress of parenting.  Are you able to decide what you really want?  Knowing where you stand on the issue regardless of his feelings makes a difference.  Once I knew that I wanted another child, I was able to tell him exactly what my needs where and we hashed it out once and for all. 

I spent a lot of time considering the life I would be able to have without a little one in tow… definitely give it serious thought.

Lots of love to you while you go through this!

Post # 8
Member
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@Mrs.Jansen:  I’m so sorry!  Would he be willing to see a counselor with you?  We went once before and it helped in the long run.

Post # 11
Member
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I would get very clear with myself what it is that I want.  You can’t make this decision just based on doing it for him.  That made all the difference for us~ when I finally went to him and told him what I wanted, instead of saying “we need to decide”, it was absolute clarity for both of us. 

Not speaking to you is ridiculous, but temporary (if he handles every problem this way, I’d have an issue with it).  Maybe you both just need some space right now. 

My best advice for you, as someone with very similar life circumstances, is to know what you want before you talk to him about it again. 

Big hugs.

Post # 13
Member
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@Mrs.Jansen:  That was what pushed me over the edge… knowing deep within myself that I would look back in my old age and regret that I didn’t.  Either way, this is life and we learn to live with our choices and consequences.  You will be okay.  You can handle this.

Post # 14
Member
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Hugs to you.  I know the feeling.  My ex-husband was the same way, flip flopping back and forth about having a child.  In the end, it is what made us separate and end our marriage.  I was not willing to sacrifice my dream about having a child.  

I am now with someone who all ready has an 11 year old, but we have all ready started to try for that baby.  He knows how much I want a child and he wants to make that dream a reality for me.

Don’t give up your dream, you will resent him later on, or possibly yourself.

Best of luck

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