Post # 1
Ugh… the anxiety that comes with being socially awkward.
My biggest fear about my wedding is… having a wedding.
I overthink EVERYTHING. I can’t remember the last time I was in public and didn’t think about what to do with my arms and hands. This is literally my thought process: Should my arms go by my side? Maybe you should walk. Walking makes you look assertive. Should I swing my right arm in sync with my right leg? No, no. Alternating is better, more natural that way. Right arm, left left leg. Left arm, right leg. Good! This is easy! Why is that guy looking at me? I shouldn’t have alternated. Stupid! Just put your arms by your sides. Great… now you’re the creeper with stiff arms when you walk. Just stop. You should go home. Yeah… just go home.
I am terrified of dancing. Funny thing is that I am a classically trained ballerina. I was a cheerleader for 5+ years. I CAN dance. When choreographed. Freestyle just brings on the arm/hand thing but with my WHOLE body. I don’t wanna do it!!!!! But I want dancing! Ugh…
I also over-volunteer information. Fiance told me that I looked nice one day, and my response was “I’m wearing a body shaper.” I have this awful habit of saying what I LEAST want to say when it is MOST inappropriate to say it. I genuinely think this may be a form of Tourettes. I feel incapable of holding it in!
I just fear that on my wedding day, I will just explode into a big ball of self deprication, insecurity, and awkwardness. This is why I may flee.
The funny thing is that people seem to think I am confident and outgoing. They will be very surprised when I explode.
Is anyone else socially awkward or afraid of their wedding in general? Please share your ways of coping 🙂
Post # 3
I’ve become socially awkward in college lol.
I don’t so much worry about placements of my body parts but the words that come out of my mouth.
I say things wrong, I ramble to where it doesn’t make sense, I’m just an all around mess when I have to talk to people I don’t talk to everyday.
I focus on breathing and speak slowly and that usually gets me through.
As for the sensoring what you say bit, I have yet to figure out how I shouldn’t disclose so much information lol.
Post # 4
My suggestion is practice, practice, practice. Less is more, when responding to people. You have to re-train your brain to be less self-defeating and to cut off before the Too Much Information ramble. I learned this by observing a good friend who was really good at it. She usually pauses and says a heart-felt “Thank you” (in response to complements). Start developing a handful of simple phrases in response to general questions – I find that “Thank you” works a whole heck of a lot of the time! or “It’s nice to see you” – is a perfect opening when seeing someone – or even a sincere “How are you?” or even “Hello”.
re: dancing – plan some dancing dates NOW. Go out with Fiance as much as possible NOW – so it’s more familiar on the wedding day.
on the wedding day – my mantra was – NOTHING matters other than ME and Darling Husband. If you can embrace that mentality – it puts everything else in it’s place. It won’t matter if you are hopping on one foot down the aisle – if you are focused on each other! 😉
Post # 5
Tourette’s is nothing like what you have. You might want to do some research before you self-diagnose. It’s a little offensive to people that actually have Tourette’s. It’s like saying you’re OCD because you like to be neat; it’s making light of a more serious condition.
And it sounds like you have social anxiety issues and might benefit from talking to a counselor. I think it is normal to be nervous though.
Post # 6
I overthink everything that comes out of my mouth. And then i beat myself up if i said something that MIGHT have offended someone. it would be a comment that someone wouldn’t notice, but I will think about it for days after.
SO know i am ALWAYS in my head.
So you will just have to try and make it though the day, and know that he is by your side. If you need to have a moment of peace and quiet alone with him, ASK for it. There is nothing wrong with that.
I do that sometimes. One time i was overwelmed at his parents place (there were a million people there) so i hide in his bedroom for 10 minutes. Then i texted him and he came and had a moment of peace with me. Then i was good to go. Its fine to ask for these things.
Post # 7
@jayebaby: I’m definitely socially awkward at times…but in my profession of work (Engineering Assistant) I suck it up and have to deal!
I am the most awkward with interviews, or one on one convos…but I’m no weirdo, I have friends and a life, but it is something in the back of my head.
It mostly stems from me being self concious of people thinking I look ugly. I don’t get it or know why, but as a kid I wasn’t grown into my angelina jolie lips, so I was called evertything from Donkey lips to DSL … but I always had friends, it’s just something they called me that kinda stuck with me till forever..
Soooo yeah you and I have tons in common! I always wonder if i’m staring to much or looking away too much, or I invert my lips or bite my cheek.
Post # 8
oh my goodness, this post made me so sad! I totally get it! I used to be super self conscious and social phobic. ANytime I was in public the whole “how should I be walking” convo went on in my head! I’d walk into a place and if someone was laughing, I’d automatically assume they were laughing at me. So sad! It’s such a tough way to live. Have you ever thought about therapy or anxiety meds? I sort of just out grew my “socially awkward” stage, but I’m sure it’s not that easy for everyone!
Also, the only person that thinks you are socially awkard is you! I hope you can just relax and enjoy your day and not care what anyone else thinks – give yourself a break for 1 day! You have the power and control over your mind to keep yourself from overthinking – don’t be so hard on yourself, let the awkard moments happen if they do and let them go – it’s when you start ruminating on them that it becomse even worse!
Post # 9
@ssttpp: This confuses me. I understand that Tourettes is a serious condition. But I’m not sure how inaccurate self diagnosis is offensive. I certainly didn’t mean to be offensive, and I think my post conveys that. I suppose that if someone chooses to be offended, anything can be offensive. I deal with a pretty serious health condition that people often think they have. This doesn’t offend; It’s an opportunity to educate. I dunno… I definitely will research more thoroughly before posting. I hope you guys know I never intend to offend. That’s tough. Goes to show that even at your most well-intentioned and vulnerable points, you can still rub someone the wrong way. It definitely wasn’t what I set out to do.
Post # 10
@jayebaby: You didn’t offend me! 🙂
Post # 11
@ssttpp: Way to call someone out who is already feeling not comfortable in their own skin. Nice work!
Counseling sounds like a good place to start in terms of what you’re experiencing as it does sound like some form of social anxiety.
Post # 12
I am the same way as you and it is a partial motivator for me wanting to elope instead of a wedding. My Fiance thinks that eloping may be something I regret later and wants to make sure I don’t want to elope “for the wrong reasons.” I don’t know that there is an easy way out of this, For now we are discussing exactly what kind of ceremony to have and I don’t know where it will end up.
It could be social anxiety which is a form of depression. Anti depressants are prescribed for very strong cases of this, but I haven’t wanted to go that route. I just wish I could find a way to enjoy myself the way other folks seemingly do.
Post # 13
Jayebaby – you’re adorable. You’ll do just fine! Tell yourself that, after all, you are YOU. Right?
Post # 14
I’m in the same boat. I suffer from G.A.D which also includes social anxiety. I’m already getting nervous about being in front of so many people.
But what I keep telling myself is “Your dress is so gorgeous, you’re going to feel like a rockstar”.
Post # 15
You could take anti anxiety pills, choreograph your dances in advance, tell your Maid/Matron of Honor to give you signs if something looks odd, make sure your hubby and his Bridesmaid or Best Man move the guests along if the conversation starts getting out of control. Unless you have a tiny wedding, you will not have a chunk of time with anybody. Most people will not notice anything amiss anyway 🙂 Breath breath breath 🙂
Or you could elope 😉
Post # 16
Fake it till you make it! 🙂 Seriously. I’m so terrified of having a spotlight on me that I literally didn’t attend my high school graduation. If I’m required to speak in front of people I start to speed speak and if I’m too nervous I start using words that aren’t even English and my sentences get all jumbled. On another occassion I literally couldn’t remember how to swing my arms while walking and they ended up swinging all wrong.
I recently told my guy that I’m afraid that on the wedding day I’ll get so nervous I’ll forget how to walk and do the robot or something. 😉 My solution? Fake it till you make it. Once I pretend to be more confident than I feel sometimes the panic slips away. Mostly because if I focus on the panic the worse and more obvious it gets. I plan on pretending like there is no one else in the room once I finish walking.
Good luck! And P.S. I didn’t find what you said to be offensive. I have trouble breathing after a tough run. Like my lungs can’t keep up with my legs. I could see myself saying my chest feels so tight I wonder if I have asthma. If you feel like outbursts are so uncontrollable that they remind you of tourettes I don’t see how that’s offensive. You’re not saying people with tourettes are faking it. You’re saying your situation is bad enough that you wonder if you have an issue. That’s all. Don’t worry. 😉