(Closed) I am SO upset I want to cry.

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

This really sucks, I’m sorry it’s happening to you. In My Humble Opinion, do not cancel your wedding. You go ahead and have your dream wedding and let whoever really cares about you show up. If they are your family and they care they WILL be there.

Post # 4
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@[email protected]:  Call their bluff. Tell them as sickingly sweet as possible “FI’s family is traveling from the Midwest to attend our wedding and they do not have anissue.  I will miss seeing you at our wedding if you can not attend. Our plans are final”.

If they want to let a lousy hour stop them from coming, so be it.

Post # 5
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I got married in January 2.5 hours away and everyone LOVED it. Holidays were over… people were happy to have something fun to look forward to.  If they are seriously complaining about driving ONLY 1 hour away they are probably the type who are just naggers/complainers in genergal in life and not much would get them excited anyways. So just keep planning and hold your hear up! 

Post # 6
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

it seems liek you can either cave, and not get when you want, or call thier bluff. Just like LuvMySailor said, “I absolutely fell in love with (___INSERT VENUE___) and I know you will love it too, Im sorry that the hours drive in inconvenient for you and we will miss you not being there, FI’s family is coming all the way from the midwest and they are really excited about it.”

just be overly sweet about it… if you have to, make up some excuse about how it is more convenient for them (closer to hotels? interstate? something)

Post # 7
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Don’t change your plans on account of these comments. If people feel inconveninced by the date/location they should keep it to themselves, and if they really can’t make it work they should just politely decline. I know it’s hard to hear those comments, just try not to let it get to you.

Post # 9
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Definately have the wedding you dreamed of. If they can’t make or have complaints so be it. At the end of the day the two of you will be married and have had a wonderful day and all of those negative coments won’t matter. When they start complaining I would tell them you are sorry that they find it inconvenient and you will understand if they can’t make it, end of conversation. You simply can’t cater to everyone’s request, nor should you have to.

Post # 10
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yes. My sister alled to tell me to have it in June casue it would be more conveinient for them to visit California in the Summer. Um, excuse me? We did choose June but for our reasons. She has had to get over other things she wanted for my wedding too ( Yes, you read that right). It sure did annoy the heck out of me and I just reminded myself that she didn’t mean to be a beezy she was just unknowingly being selfish.

Post # 11
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m getting crap for my venue too because it’s an hour and half away from most people…I just want to shake them and say “get over it!”

Post # 12
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Well, I got married in January in MA. The vast majority of our guests live in MA also, though our venue was around 2 hours away from our hometowns. Initially we got a few (predictably) thoughtless reactions about how much people HATE winter and HATE driving and HATE snow… but almost everyone we invited came anyway, so I guess they “somehow” managed. 

My mother initially compained that the venue was too far away, but when we finally took her to see it, she fell in love and was convinced we couldn’t marry anywhere else. Nobody who attended complained about the weather, the drive, staying overnight, or any other so-called inconveniences, so clearly the “winter-haters” were all talk.

I think your MA folks are just giving you the expected reactions that New Englanders like to give: woe is us, we must suffer though winter, we hate the weather, etc. If you don’t conform by complaining, you’re not a real NEer! Haha I wouldn’t take it too seriously. Most of them will show up, and most will end up commenting about how beautiful the snow looks and how lovely and unique a winter wedding is. As PPs said, you can always remind them that at least they aren’t flying in like your FI’s family!

Good luck, I’m sure your wedding will be gorgeous!

Post # 13
1767 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

If they’re so inconvenienced, they don’t need to come by any means. We had our wedding in December and it was 45 minutes- 1.5 hours for some of our guests (and several members of the bridal party). They dealt with it. If people really want to be there for you on your wedding day, they’ll drive through the snow to get there.

I agree with PPs about being overly sweet and pointing out that his family is driving from freakin’ Ohio.

Post # 14
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

You do not need to apologize to anyone for selecting your wedding date or location.  Family and friends who are able to come and who want to come will be there, and those who cannot attend or who do not want to make the trip will decline.  (The silver lining for you is that many of those who do not come likely will still send you a lovely gift, and you may end up having space to invite some friends whom you didn’t think you could include on our guest list.)

If someone else calls to complain, just politely say, “Of course we were hoping to have you there to share our big day with us, but, we certainly will understand if you aren’t able to attend.”

Don’t let this upset you. You’re not wrong for selecting a town and a venue that you love.

Post # 15
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

they will deal. People will always have to say something

Post # 16
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

New Englanders are supposed to be hardy folk who brave the elements without complaint!!! (Ok, that was a joke.) It’s your wedding, your choice. An hour’s drive to a wedding? I can’t remember the last time I attended one that was that close. Don’t let the oversensitivity/insanity/rudeness/selfishness of others (especially relatives!) get to you — there’s nothing you can do about people like that but stick to your convictions. So, as others have said, gently express your surprise at their concerns, point out that it’s only an hour drive relative to your fiance’s family (but do so in a way that is not defensive – you don’t have to apologize for anything here), and remind them that if they can’t make it it’s still customary to send a gift. Ok the last part was supposed to be a joke, too. Sorta 😉


(ps I’m a Mass bride, too. Not making people drive in January, but they will have to hop on a ferry from Woods Hole. And if they don’t want to deal, they won’t have to come…more room on the dance floor for everyone else.)

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